What happens to those people that just pen up emotions?
- Thread starter montage
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Fab Foodie
hanging-on in quiet desperation ...
- Location
- Kirton, Devon.
montage said:
42 in my case. Taken almost 'till now (5 years) to get over it.
Fab Foodie said:
:s .... sorry to hear that... was "explode" a breakdown?... I find that I am unwilling to talk about "deep" issues with almost anybody, but whereas I feel this side of me is also the side which keeps calm under heavy pressure, every now and again I seem to get surges where I am irritable and pissed off...not for long, usually just for a minute or two ...but it is worrying imo
Fab Foodie
hanging-on in quiet desperation ...
- Location
- Kirton, Devon.
montage said:
Mostly, precipitated by a very stressful working life, family life and my minor heart-attack. I did the Prozac thing, got some great counselling. We were just starting to drill down to the really deep stuff when I quit the counselling, I think it was going to get quite uncomfortable. Maybe not the best thing to do, but I did it because I'd managed to land the 'ideal' job and that was a new start for me, counselling was still part of my 'problem'.
I am better at showing and sharing my emotions now, I've learned to aviod painful situations, I've removed obstacles to my happiness which has alas included my Mother and Sister and slowly but surely I'm really now starting to feel more emotionally comfortable. As a result I'm less angry, (but still grumpy) and am rebuilding my relationship wit my eldest daughter in particular, but in general being a better dad and husband.
Interesting that you say you're calm under pressure, same here I think. Recalling our most stressful episodes, I've always been pretty solid and logical. But I get really irate about other silliness. Again I rqant for a few mins and then I'm done. By that time I've alienated everybody around me.
Then I'm calm again. Mrs FF on the other hand could sulk for weeks...
I don't understand sometimes where this sudden rage comes from, but I feel it welling-up over something. Certainly, stress, lack of sleep and lack of fun combined with increasing frustration over something are the factors for me.
Rage can be very destructive. I'm slowly ridding myself of it.
I also feel I've done my 'mid-life' crisis, I'm happy where I am in life, I'm liked and respected (in private and at work), I have a nice job, a wonderful family, kids are doing great things and have nice mates, I have my bike and my sax, all I need to do is appreciate them more.
I always thought I handled stress well, remained calm and logical and just handled it. That's what I thought anyway. Others did too, commenting on how laid back I often seemed. But I guess it was a front, I think I was repressing it rather than handling it. Or I had just gotten used to that particular kind of stress... or something. Because 4 years ago, age 43, I started training as a teacher... and had a breakdown. I just couldn't take the stress/pressure.
Fortunately, opening up and talking is easy for me. In fact, I love exploring the workings of my mind, and dealing with the complexities of thoughts and emotions. So it kind of beats me why I never realised I was having a problem coping, perhaps because I thought I was, perhaps I didn't think it was a problem. I guess I thought that everybody experienced stress and handled it by 'balling it up and shoving it over there'... so I suspect I thought I was ok, or as ok as everyone else at least.
Talking helps so much. It sounds absurdly simple but it's true. I think many people find it difficult because it feels embarrassing, or admitting a failure even. Truth is, we all of us have these notions of what we should be like; what we should and shouldn't do, and be able to do. They are like false expectations. Talking allows you to both 'admit' to these notions and then, hopefully, realise that they're not actually that important and take the weight off yourself. I think the alternative is repression, and that is dangerous. It may take many years to come to a head but it does eventually. I think that's why, to address the OP, that middle aged men have these 'blow ups'.
Fortunately, opening up and talking is easy for me. In fact, I love exploring the workings of my mind, and dealing with the complexities of thoughts and emotions. So it kind of beats me why I never realised I was having a problem coping, perhaps because I thought I was, perhaps I didn't think it was a problem. I guess I thought that everybody experienced stress and handled it by 'balling it up and shoving it over there'... so I suspect I thought I was ok, or as ok as everyone else at least.
Talking helps so much. It sounds absurdly simple but it's true. I think many people find it difficult because it feels embarrassing, or admitting a failure even. Truth is, we all of us have these notions of what we should be like; what we should and shouldn't do, and be able to do. They are like false expectations. Talking allows you to both 'admit' to these notions and then, hopefully, realise that they're not actually that important and take the weight off yourself. I think the alternative is repression, and that is dangerous. It may take many years to come to a head but it does eventually. I think that's why, to address the OP, that middle aged men have these 'blow ups'.
Kirstie
Über Member
Good post yello - I think that's spot on.
I'd always thought that the mid-life crisis was about coming to terms with one's own mortality... but conforming to expectations, and working out 'who you really are' or 'what you've become', and, more importantly, 'why', is a big part of it too. In many ways it is about cutting the rubbish out of your life....
I'd always thought that the mid-life crisis was about coming to terms with one's own mortality... but conforming to expectations, and working out 'who you really are' or 'what you've become', and, more importantly, 'why', is a big part of it too. In many ways it is about cutting the rubbish out of your life....
Downward
Guru
- Location
- West Midlands
yello said:
I suppose to it depends who you have to talk to.
I think I had all my crap around 18 and again at 28. Things are better at work but not happy at home and although it's very busy with 2 Under 3's and work it's still very lonely.
Kirstie
Über Member
Downward said:
That's sad to hear. One thing I have learnt from bitter experience is that no matter who you have around you, and how happy things might 'seem', you only have yourself at the end of the day. I struggle with loneliness and a stressful home situation over which I have little control. Sometimes you just have to get it together and seek out the conversations that help you. It really does make a difference, because it helps you make sense of things.
Fab Foodie
hanging-on in quiet desperation ...
- Location
- Kirton, Devon.
What obsessivley tidying forumsNoodley said:Do it now or you'll end up like me!
montage said:hmm looks like I am going to blow up at 40ish then....I'd better address it sooner or later.
Thanks for the deep posts - appreciated
Wooosaaa!
You are young, and between now and 25 ish you will do some serious changing, I am similarly very calm and laid back in appearance but pen up stress and agreession, only ever let go a couple of times and its wasn't pretty, but life changes you and you can learn to change before you 'blow up'.
I wouldn't stress too much buddy. Acknowledging it is a good sign It took me longer that 18 to do it and most probably never did either till a lot later on in life.
