What's the punchline ...

[Yellow Fang]

I was walking down the street with the dog when an old man comes walking down the other way. All of a sudden a gust of wind blows his hat off. The dog runs after it, catches it and starts chewing it.
The man says, "Oi, that's my hat your dog's ruining!".
I say, "Well you should have taken more care of it, you silly old sod."
He says, "I don't like your attitude, young man."

 

[CharlieB]

I was walking down the street with the dog when an old man comes walking down the other way. All of a sudden a gust of wind blows his hat off. The dog runs after it, catches it and starts chewing it.
The man says, "Oi, that's my hat your dog's ruining!".
I say, "Well you should have taken more care of it, you silly old sod."
He says, "I don't like your attitude, young man."

"it's not my attitude, it's your 'at 'e chewed"

 

[Cubist]

Van Gogh sitting in the pub. His mate comes in and says "Vincent, do you want a pint?"
to which Van Gogh replied;
"No thanks.........

 

[Cubist]

The annual pantomime in aid of the Halifax Paranoid Schizophrenic Support group descended into chaos last night when someone shouted

".............................."

 

[edwardd67]

Van Gogh sitting in the pub. His mate comes in and says "Vincent, do you want a pint?"
to which Van Gogh replied;
"No thanks.........

I've got one ear.

 

[edwardd67]

The annual pantomime in aid of the Halifax Paranoid Schizophrenic Support group descended into chaos last night when someone shouted

".............................."

He's behind you !

 

[Yellow Fang]

A frog goes into a bank. When he gets to the counter, he sees from the name badge that the young bank clerk serving him is Patricia Whack.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" says the young woman.
"I would like a loan, Patricia," says the frog.
"Are you a customer of ours?" says the woman.
"No, I'm not," says the frog.
"In that case, we will need to fill out this form. Can you tell me your name, Sir?" asks the bank clerk.
"It's Kermit Michael Jagger," says the frog.
"Any relation to Mick Jagger the rock star?" asks the young woman, jokingly.
"As a matter of fact, yes," says the frog, "He's my father."
"Oh," says the woman, "Well, how big a loan do you want?"
"£100,000," says the frog.
"Well sir, £100,000 is quite a lot of money. What can you provide as security?"
The frog roots about in his pockets and pull outs a small, plastic pig.
"Will that do?" asks the frog.
"I'm sorry, Sir," says the clerk, "We usually require much more security than that."
"Oh, I'm sure it will be all right," says the frog, "I know the manager personally. I play golf with him. Why don't you ask him."

She enters the bank manager's office and says, "You won't believe this, boss. There's a frog at the counter who claims he's the son of Mick Jagger. He's asking for £100,000 and all he's providing for security is this," and holds up the small, plastic pig. "I mean, what is it?"

 

[Cubist]

A high street independent financial adviser puts a notice in teh window
"Bilingual Secretary required, must be proficient in Microsoft Word and Excel"

About an hour later the receptionist hears a whining and scratching at the door. She opens it and a dog barks at her, runs back to the notice in the window and nudges at the glass with his nose. He then runs back to the receptionist and stares at her, wagging his tail.

"Boss," says the receptionist, "This may sound crazy, but I think this dog wants the job!"
"Don't be daft," says the boss, "a dog can't use word!"

The dog barks, jumps up onto the receptionist's chair and types out a very professional-looking business letter.

"Amazing" says the boss, "but I bet it can't use Excel"

The dog toggles over to Excel and produces a well formatted and professional looking workbook.

"Incredible" says the boss, "but he can't have the job; the advert says he must be bilingual."
The dog looks straight at the boss, wags his tale and says ;

"......"

 

[Norm]

"I mean, what is it?"

It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone...