Vapin' Joe
Formerly known as Smokin Joe
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
I don't regard monogamy as particularly important, we're only human and we can all be tempted. It is to many people however, so you live your life as it suits.
When is adultery acceptable?
- Thread starter Milzy
- Start date
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Saluki
World class procrastinator
- Location
- ...Norwich over the water.
Woah @Milzy! 
That is a whole new can of worms.
Personally, I try to live with as much integrity as I can. I would either stay put with my husband (in sickness and in health etc) or divorce before getting new partner. Although, as much as I whinge about Hubster, I have given him a kidney and now dealing with his continuing renal disease, thyroid issues and new cardiac issues. I doubt that I am going anywhere, even though his stroke risk is high until they get the cardiac issues in check.
That is a whole new can of worms.Personally, I try to live with as much integrity as I can. I would either stay put with my husband (in sickness and in health etc) or divorce before getting new partner. Although, as much as I whinge about Hubster, I have given him a kidney and now dealing with his continuing renal disease, thyroid issues and new cardiac issues. I doubt that I am going anywhere, even though his stroke risk is high until they get the cardiac issues in check.
Tin Pot
Guru
So is your friend "the vegetable", as you put it, the partner or the lover?
OP
OP
Milzy
Guru
Nobody really needs to know this but he's the replacement. Somebody has to be.
Tin Pot
Guru
Then I think he should do the decent thing, provide emotional support but leave the love affair until the married couple have resolved the matter.
He can be "the replacement" then.
OP
OP
Milzy
Guru
Most people think it's her in the wrong, and now they have kids it's benificial they are together for at least the children's sake.
Tin Pot
Guru
Hang on, your friend "the replacement" has had children with the wife, while husband is on life support? I'm confused.
cyberknight
As long as I breathe, I attack.
- Location
- Land of confusion
My mother died of terminal cancer, my dad remarried to give us a mother i doubt he would have otherwise as i had to get him to go back to work as his grief was so bad he just fell apart fr a while , back then in a small village the neighbours rallied round to look after us kids and i took on a lot .These days i would put money on the kids being taken into care .
Anyway back on track, kinda sums up my view of marriage and how committed i am to it come hell or highwater.
Anyway back on track, kinda sums up my view of marriage and how committed i am to it come hell or highwater.
OP
OP
Milzy
Guru
Not life support but 24 hour care home. Rest correct.
Tin Pot
Guru
Wow, that's a season of Eastenders there.
Well, the time to ask advice is at least nine months too late, they've both already played foul.
Was this a civil union, or a religious marriage and if so which one? I ask because the moral context and terms of the marriage may vary.
I expect the family of the husband are none too pleased. Did the husband/wife have kids too?
OP
OP
Milzy
Guru
Not 100% I thought church though. Wifey had no kids at the horrific time but seemed to be in a rush for them.
Slick
Guru
You can never judge what anyone else feels. It's easy to point the finger but who knows what she went through. It can't be wrong to grab yourself a bit of happiness where you can get it.
Tin Pot
Guru
Quite so.
But within the terms of their own Christian/British marriage, there is no equivocation - she betrayed the vows she made to herself and to her husband. And Milzy's friend is undeniably complicit in that.
I would not judge, but I suspect the moral way forward lies in the children for your friend. I can't see any legitimate unqualified claim remaining for the wife on the financial resources of the husband.
If she is CofE it maybe best for her to file for divorce and leave the care of her exhusband to his family. She should consult her priest.
If she is Catholic, she needs to talk to her priest for guidance. I'm catholic, I'm not sure I could see a way forward in this spiritual minefield although my first responsibility is always to my wife - she is part of me. I would consider remaining with her until her passing, and rejoin the new family afterwards. Drastic though it sounds.
Regardless of the spiritual positions of each involved party, or lack thereof, it would be morally bankrupt to maintain the marriage for financial gain.
As far as your buddy goes, his opportunity to do the right thing has long since gone. In his place I would be there for the children primarily, and my feelings for the wife secondary to that of the family as they represent the husband in his absence.
Just how long has the husband been incapacitated? I mean if it's been ten years then she started the affair there's at least some understanding I suppose.
I close with repeating my previous 'Wow.'. They're going to need some good luck to get through this.
