Why do witty and apt responses only come to you afterwards!

[threebikesmcginty]

I thought of a great one the other day but way too late, what was it - oh yeah:

f#ck off you tw#t!

 

[dellzeqq]

Or some comment about letting passengers off the train first - amazing how many people just don't get that.

I stand at the door, saying 'this is an intelligence test, and none of you are doing well'. On the other hand, if I'm trying to get on to a crowded train and some plank is standing in the aisle, blocking the space beyond them I say something like 'you, there, madam/sir, yes, you, the middle class one trying desperately not to hear me, yes, you, the not very bright item.....' by which time they've usually get the message and move up a bit.

 

[gavintc]

I'm always useless at coming back with witty remarks "on demand".

except on the one occassion...I was in the car with Missus Jeez when we noticed a big old unit rolling along the pavement (all 20 stone of her)...Having been out on the lash a few times of recent, My missus remarked that if she carried on the way she was going she'd look like that soon.

I replied..."why?, you going on a diet?".

my nut's ached for about 4 hours.

Love it. A scale above that pause that you should not take when asked "Does my bum look big in this".

 

[dellzeqq]

As some chump tried to stop me photographing his number plate by impaling is bodywork on a high kerb.......(knocks on passenger side window with stern looking woman behind it) 'been a while, has it missus'.

And, for men in their late twenties/thirties who are a tad plump, but not fat 'oi, fatboy'.

 

[Brahan]

YOU STUPID FU**ING UGLY **** FU** OFF AND DIE!

That's about all I use.

 

[dellzeqq]

to the chap in the TVR hooting at me because we were riding two abreast 'why, sir, you may importune for rough trade if you wish, but, as you see, I'm a happily married man'.

 

[Wheeledweenie]

to the chap in the TVR hooting at me because we were riding two abreast 'why, sir, you may importune for rough trade if you wish, but, as you see, I'm a happily married man'.

I said nothing when a woman on a bike overtook a friend and I going two abreast on an empty three-lane road when she spat 'You're cycling like idiots!' at us.

We were rewarded for our restraint when she attempted to RLJ at the next junction, was nearly hit by a car coming through the junction before changing into the wrong gear with hilarious consequences (wobbling like a weeble, legs pumping, not going anywhere) while being beeped at by angry motorists.

Mwahahahhahahaha!

 

[GrasB]

After the whole look, signal, manoeuvre & moving out, but not holding signalling due to the gawd damn awful road surface which resembled gravel more than asphalt, my intentions made clear by road position. This guy almost stop & yells at me "signal you moron" I was about to reply when a voice from behind yelled "this is to signal you're a f**king w***er for not paying attention to the road surface". I look over my shoulder & there's a guy about 6ft wide on a motorbike giving him the bird. Despite this warning the guy boots it aggressively to the junction ahead, slams the brakes on and nearly skids into the curb. I so wish he'd slammed the car into the curb

 

[BentMikey]

Had a female cyclist come through my skating lesson today ringing her bell frantically and telling people to "get out of my way". I told her she had handlebars for a reason, and got "Fcuk OFF". I called out "Apology accepted", and the whole class packed out. She can't have been amused, LOL!

 

[dav1d]

Cycling up to my cousins house in Wythenshawe recently, some chav in Northernden shouted "Get the bike!" running after me with his chav mates behind him. I shouted back "You f****** scruffy trampy b*****d!"

 

[swee'pea99]

Love it. A scale above that pause that you should not take when asked "Does my bum look big in this".

Reminds me of The One Question You Must Never Ask: 'When's it due?' Just in case it isn't.

 

[ianrauk]

I actually did this to a friends wife... turned out she was just a fatty
She was most upset with me..

[quote name='swee'pea99']Reminds me of The One Question You Must Never Ask: 'When's it due?' Just in case it isn't.[/QUOTE]