Why does the wife repeat

[wafflycat]

Great words.

My younger brother died suddenly shortly before Xmas and we had his funeral on Christmas Eve afternoon. Loads of snow, loads of friends and family, all paying their respects. We all made some effort at dressing suitably for the occaision. If his wife had told me that he was in his coffin wearing his favourite "sarcasm" t-shirt I would still have made the effort but might have smiled a bit nore.


Dress up a bit, say a few good words in eulogy, thanks friends and relatives and say cheerio.

Condolences about your brother, John.

 

[ttcycle]

john sorry to hear about your brother. condolences

 

[John Ponting]

all comments appreciated. I was really supposed to be commenting on the dress requirements for funerals while pointing out that the deceased may have had their own views.

But thanks.

 

[Globalti]

Because unless specifically requested, the usual attire for males to wear at a funeral to show respect for the family & friends of the deceased is a dark suit/shirt/black tie/black smart shoes, all clean and tidy. If you haven't got a suit, if possible get one. If you can't, at least make what you are going to wear to be clean and tidy and preferrably a smart shirt/tie trousers and jacket combination. Trainers/jeans/t-shirt and any form of casual attire can come across as being disrespectful, especially if not clean and worn in a scruffy way. It doesn't automatically follow that it will, but wearing the more usual suit combination generally avoids any unintentional offence being caused.

Attending a funeral isn't necessarily about YOU, it's about everyone else there, in particular the closest family of the person that has died.It's about showing RESPECT for the life of the person who has died and his/her memory to the closest family & friends of that person, as a funeral is a way of saying goodbye and marking. One of the ways we show respect is by the clothes we wear.

Also think on this - is your wife feeling sad/stressed about the death of that person - if so, why risk increasing her sadness by getting her even more stressed by worrying what you wear or don't wear? Would it really be so hard to put a suit on for a few hours on one day? Funerals are one of those times in life where stress is bad enough already without unnecessarily increasing it.

Absolutely spot-on, well said. It's all about respect, a rather neglected concept nowadays. When a very good friend died a few years ago he requested before he died that all his old mountaineering buddies should wear the same bright tie that he gave us to wear at his wedding a few years earlier. We did, but we all wore it with a dark suit, decent shoes etc.

 

[biggs682]

thanks all for advice , look like its a trip to shops then to get a non work related shirt and tie , otherwise normal clothes will do and a quick shoe polish will finish me off . by the way still not being spoken to

 

[rich p]

thanks all for advice , look like its a trip to shops then to get a non work related shirt and tie , otherwise normal clothes will do and a quick shoe polish will finish me off . by the way still not being spoken to

Better than being nagged then?

 

[wafflycat]

thanks all for advice , look like its a trip to shops then to get a non work related shirt and tie , otherwise normal clothes will do and a quick shoe polish will finish me off . by the way still not being spoken to

Please don't take this the wrong way. If it's cost that's an issue (and post-Christmas can be an expensive time with all those bills coming in) and/or you don't want to spend a large sum on an item of clothing you don't intend to wear again if at all possible, you can get a *basic* dark suit at somewhere like Tesco or Asda for very little money. Indeed Asda are advertising a suit for £20. Ok, so it's not going to be of the highest quality, but ok for a one-off occasion?

http://www.clothingattesco.com/men/tailoring/icat/mens-tailoring

http://direct.asda.com/george/men-s-clothing/suits/0408,default,sc.html?srule=price_asc&fix

Hope this helps.

 

[gbb]

please can somebody a bit older and wiser than me answer this questions for me , i have a funeral to go to on next thurs , and get told got to and get a suit , i say no i will manage , what shirt are you going to wear i am asked , i reply not sure will think about , i get the same question 2 more times in the next 5 mins and give the same answer both times as the question comes out again , i get up and walk of to the pc , WHY

Is it family or aquaintance. This would dictate whether i wear a suit or not.
Rightly or wrongly, there does seem to be a new convention about dress. We lost a colleague suddenly before Xmas. I was all set to wear a suit because it seemed the right thing to do (i was quite friendly with her in a work sense, but didnt know the family). I then found out all my other colleagues (apart from managers) were going to dress respectfully, but not wear suits.
Also lost my nan a good few years ago. She was very religious from a very tight knit community of mostly older folk, and dare i say old fashioned in their outlook.
I only had a grey suit type jacket at the time, dark trousers and black tie. I was concerned about whether it was showing respect. I voiced this to a member of that community, and the reply was...
'its about showing respect. You've made an effort...that's what matters. You look fine'
A good many turned up in dark casual jackets and decent trousers. Shirt, tie and proper shoes is a minimum really.

 

[gbb]

One other thing, particually at this time of the year....
I remember going to a burial years ago in winter. I underestimated how cold it was...and stood in the cemetary shaking and shivering beyond belief. There was a howling wind and snow
If only i'd made sure i looked respectful....and thought about keeping warm too.

 

[Happiness Stan]

Because you are not giving the correct answer! She will ask the same question until you do.