X Factor update - for those who care

[ColinJ]

My ex works Saturdays and doesn't have a TV but is addicted to the damn show so she comes round to have a meal with me on Saturday evenings and to watch the programme. I get to enjoy the dubious pleasure of what I call The EX-Factor for as long as I can stick it, which is usually until the time I swallow the last mouthful of food!

I have noticed that a particular cheeky chappy has been getting more knackered week by week, admits to hardly having had any sleep, and to chasing women all over town. IIRC, he was the one who showed his buttocks in the audition, revealing the names of the women he'd slept with tattooed on the cheeks!

I'd say that he has been having one long party and has had to make a lot more trips to his tattoo artist. I've also observed that he might have developed a lingering cold because he seems to be sniffling all the time during the interviews ...

 

[MissTillyFlop]

I don't get the point of X-Factor.

To me it goes like this:

1) They hold auditions. Some people can't sing and get upset - let's ridicule them! Some people are good at singing. Some people are mediocre, but their dad/mum/auntie/fish dies last year and it was their final wish that they should be on the hexfactor.

2) They hold some more auditions. The five minutes of footage of the actual footage of singing, is interspersed with 5 1/2 hours of drumrolls, judges looking tense, contestants looking tense and "coming up soon" snippets, which are then repeated at least 72 times during the show.

3) The judges go to some houses which are clearly not theirs and whittle down the contestants. The judges have a go at looking pained when choosing. Everyone cries regardless of whether they are successful or not. If they don't cry, their "commitment to the process" is questioned.

4) 147 weeks of contestants destroying some amazing songs, whilst existing celebrities come on the show to plug their new album mentor.

5) Contestants release horrific charity single, which is always for help for heroes, so if you say you don't like it, you are forever condemned as anti-patriotic monster.

6) Someone wins and does a cover version of Una Paloma Blanca which goes to number one at Christmas.

7) They "take some time out to try and make an album that's really me!"

8) It goes straight into the bargain basket at poundland.

9) Novelty act from show goes on to have a 50 year career and becomes national treasure.

 

[thnurg]

I don't get the point of X-Factor.

To me it goes like this:

1) They hold auditions. Some people can't sing and get upset - let's ridicule them! Some people are good at singing. Some people are mediocre, but their dad/mum/auntie/fish dies last year and it was their final wish that they should be on the hexfactor.

2) They hold some more auditions. The five minutes of footage of the actual footage of singing, is interspersed with 5 1/2 hours of drumrolls, judges looking tense, contestants looking tense and "coming up soon" snippets, which are then repeated at least 72 times during the show.

3) The judges go to some houses which are clearly not theirs and whittle down the contestants. The judges have a go at looking pained when choosing. Everyone cries regardless of whether they are successful or not. If they don't cry, their "commitment to the process" is questioned.

4) 147 weeks of contestants destroying some amazing songs, whilst existing celebrities come on the show to plug their new album mentor.

5) Contestants release horrific charity single, which is always for help for heroes, so if you say you don't like it, you are forever condemned as anti-patriotic monster.

6) Someone wins and does a cover version of Una Paloma Blanca which goes to number one at Christmas.

7) They "take some time out to tray and make an album that's really me!"

8) It goes straight into the bargain basket at poundland.

9) Novelty act from show goes on to have a 50 year career and becomes national treasure.

And the judges make an absolute bleedin' mint. I think THAT'S the point.

 

[ColinJ]

Hebden Bridge is a small town in West Yorkshire. Even in an off-the-beaten-track little place like this, we get buskers who put X-Factor winners to shame!

XF is all hype and it depresses me to see the way that so many people lap it up, my ex included.

 

[upsidedown]

I notice they've edited FC from the M&S add now.

 

[Ludwig]

Ive heard on the grapevine that Brian Sewll has been earmarked to replace Gary Barlow in an effort to revive the show and Germaine Greer is going to replace Tulisa. Poet Tom Paulin is in negotiations to replace Loius Walsh

 

[MissTillyFlop]

Ive heard on the grapevine that Brian Sewll has been earmarked to replace Gary Barlow in an effort to revive the show and Germaine Greer is going to replace Tulisa. Poet Tom Paulin is in negotiations to replace Loius Walsh

I dunno, could you tell the difference? - A diminutive Irish man saying "Well, I liked it"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Drown them all in a bucket and throw away the key. Or something like that.

 

[MossCommuter]

I say bring back Wagner

Ring Cycle?

 

[Archie_tect]

Spin Cycle.

 

[ColinJ]

I have noticed that a particular cheeky chappy has been getting more knackered week by week, admits to hardly having had any sleep, and to chasing women all over town. IIRC, he was the one who showed his buttocks in the audition, revealing the names of the women he'd slept with tattooed on the cheeks!

I'd say that he has been having one long party and has had to make a lot more trips to his tattoo artist. I've also observed that he might have developed a lingering cold because he seems to be sniffling all the time during the interviews ...

Er - yes!

 

[007fair]

My ex works Saturdays and doesn't have a TV but is addicted to the damn show so she comes round to have a meal with me on Saturday evenings and to watch the programme. I get to enjoy the dubious pleasure of what I call The EX-Factor for as long as I can stick it, which is usually until the time I swallow the last mouthful of food!

I have noticed that a particular cheeky chappy has been getting more knackered week by week, admits to hardly having had any sleep, and to chasing women all over town. IIRC, he was the one who showed his buttocks in the audition, revealing the names of the women he'd slept with tattooed on the cheeks!

I'd say that he has been having one long party and has had to make a lot more trips to his tattoo artist. I've also observed that he might have developed a lingering cold because he seems to be sniffling all the time during the interviews ...

Colin - are you sure this is your ex ? Sounds more current than ex....!

 

[skudupnorth]

I think plucking hair from my nose and ears was more entertaining ! I really wish they would stop filling the tv up with all this crap

 

[ColinJ]

Colin - are you sure this is your ex ? Sounds more current than ex....!

There is an important line which isn't crossed any more ...!

 

[Archie_tect]

I think plucking hair from my nose and ears was more entertaining ! I really wish they would stop filling the tv up with all this crap

There's no end in sight.... keep plucking.