XmisterIS
Purveyor of fine nonsense
When I was a student I lived in a house of 6. One of our number was a complete and utter scrounge; he would have quite happily lived off the rest of us without spending a single penny if we let him! His sentences usually started with, "I'm sorry to be a nuisance, but can I just borrow a little bit of your ..." (insert any word here - bread, margerine, toothpaste, etc).
His party "trick" on a saturday night when we had pizza was to [a] pretend he wasn't hungry, wait everyone else's pizzas arrived, [c] decide that the smell of the pizzas had made him hungry and then [d] attempt to help himself to "just one slice" of pizza from those gullible enough to give him one (he would beg those who wouldn't), thereby obtaining an entire pizza without spending any money.
He did this each and every time we had pizza. Without fail. One day I got very pissed off with him and decided to play a little evil trick on him. We were at uni in Birmingham, so I went to the Bull Ring (now demolished, so I hear), I found a stall selling Jamaican stuff and I bought the hottest hot sauce I have ever tasted in my life which, according to the vendor was, "made of practically nuttin' but de finest Jamaican scotch bonnet chilli peppers, 'tis properly hot ya man!" (I can't do a Jamaican accent). Just one little bit on a taster cracker was enough to set my mouth on fire - and I like spicey food, I've always had a high tollerance of chilli.
My housemate, however, did not have a tolerance anywhere near mine ...
That evening I ordered my pizza and surreptitiously put as much Jamaican hot sauce all over one slice of pizza as I could, without it being noticable. My housemate duly found his way over to me and began the whole pathetic begging for "just one slice" of pizza. To his great surprise, I said, "yeah, sure! Mind you, I've gone for the Mexican Hot one, so it might be a bit spicey!"
He took the bait.
When he came to eat that particular slice ... he bit into it ... and immediately began coughing and almost threw up ... red in the face, tears streaming, sweating, mouth hanging open, drooling, coughing, belching, sneezing, etc.
"I told you it might be a bit spicey! You know I've got a bigger tolerance than you for hot food!"
And so, because he'd begged the pizza off me, social etiquette dictated that he was obliged to eat the whole thing. It took him half an hour to eat it and he nearly died (not literally!).
After that, every time we ordered pizza, I would loudly announce that I was going for "mexican hot". He never ever begged me for "just one slice" again ...
His party "trick" on a saturday night when we had pizza was to [a] pretend he wasn't hungry, wait everyone else's pizzas arrived, [c] decide that the smell of the pizzas had made him hungry and then [d] attempt to help himself to "just one slice" of pizza from those gullible enough to give him one (he would beg those who wouldn't), thereby obtaining an entire pizza without spending any money.
He did this each and every time we had pizza. Without fail. One day I got very pissed off with him and decided to play a little evil trick on him. We were at uni in Birmingham, so I went to the Bull Ring (now demolished, so I hear), I found a stall selling Jamaican stuff and I bought the hottest hot sauce I have ever tasted in my life which, according to the vendor was, "made of practically nuttin' but de finest Jamaican scotch bonnet chilli peppers, 'tis properly hot ya man!" (I can't do a Jamaican accent). Just one little bit on a taster cracker was enough to set my mouth on fire - and I like spicey food, I've always had a high tollerance of chilli.
My housemate, however, did not have a tolerance anywhere near mine ...
That evening I ordered my pizza and surreptitiously put as much Jamaican hot sauce all over one slice of pizza as I could, without it being noticable. My housemate duly found his way over to me and began the whole pathetic begging for "just one slice" of pizza. To his great surprise, I said, "yeah, sure! Mind you, I've gone for the Mexican Hot one, so it might be a bit spicey!"
He took the bait.
When he came to eat that particular slice ... he bit into it ... and immediately began coughing and almost threw up ... red in the face, tears streaming, sweating, mouth hanging open, drooling, coughing, belching, sneezing, etc.
"I told you it might be a bit spicey! You know I've got a bigger tolerance than you for hot food!"
And so, because he'd begged the pizza off me, social etiquette dictated that he was obliged to eat the whole thing. It took him half an hour to eat it and he nearly died (not literally!).
After that, every time we ordered pizza, I would loudly announce that I was going for "mexican hot". He never ever begged me for "just one slice" again ...
Cant miss this chance, so one of the guys carefully cut some of the top off, removed the sausage filling and put in some garden peas that were left on a plate...and put the top back on.
WTF !!!!!....we all sat with suppressed giggles, he took the sausage roll back to the cook, complained bitterly, the cook couldn't make out how the hell peas were in the roll...confusion all round.
