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User33236
Guest
Over the past week, I've burgled ten houses in Liverpool.
It feels great to get my stuff back.
It feels great to get my stuff back.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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User6179
Guest
My Father always said "fight fire with fire".
Think that's why he got sacked from The Fire Brigade.
Think that's why he got sacked from The Fire Brigade.
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
My husband and I have both taken out life insurance policies on each other. Now it's just a waiting game.
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire.? Frost bite
Roadhump
Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted
- Location
- The flatlands of South West Lancs
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
A carrot
Lanzecki
Über Member
- Location
- A Boreen, Ireland
Roadhump
Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted
- Location
- The flatlands of South West Lancs
Sorry I'll get me coat!!The OP was looking for good jokes
Lanzecki
Über Member
- Location
- A Boreen, Ireland
Ok, I'll try.
A penguin is driving his car on a desert road in America. His car starts playing up and the penguin just manages to get the car to a small town with a garage.
The mechanic suggests the Penguin goes and has lunch while the car is fixed.
Now, our Penguin was feeling the heat, decided to treat himself to a big bowl of ice cream. But Penguins being Penguins he cannot use a spoon, and ended up happy but covered in ice cream.
Walking back to the garage, he asked the Mechanic what was wrong.
"You've blown a seal" declared the mechanic.
"Nooo! it was ice cream"
A penguin is driving his car on a desert road in America. His car starts playing up and the penguin just manages to get the car to a small town with a garage.
The mechanic suggests the Penguin goes and has lunch while the car is fixed.
Now, our Penguin was feeling the heat, decided to treat himself to a big bowl of ice cream. But Penguins being Penguins he cannot use a spoon, and ended up happy but covered in ice cream.
Walking back to the garage, he asked the Mechanic what was wrong.
"You've blown a seal" declared the mechanic.
"Nooo! it was ice cream"
- Location
- Egham
A self righting table? Must get me one of those
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
A self righting table? Must get me one of those
now that is funny. I meant a tablet and it keeps righting itself.
nice one. What a muppet i am.
Roadhump
Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted
- Location
- The flatlands of South West Lancs
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you".
"Sure thing" the bartender replies and asks "but what's with the big pause?"
The panda holds up his hands and says "I was born with them"
"Sure thing" the bartender replies and asks "but what's with the big pause?"
The panda holds up his hands and says "I was born with them"
Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand pounds in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men... are men!
An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand pounds in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men... are men!
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out – fireman, policeman, salesman, tradesman etc .etc., but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him. “
The teacher quickly set the other children some work to do and took Billy aside to ask him was that really true.
“No” said Billy, “He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say”.
“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him. “
The teacher quickly set the other children some work to do and took Billy aside to ask him was that really true.
“No” said Billy, “He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say”.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint and a mop.
