Any good jokes ... ?
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TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
An old Tommy Cooper one:
I was on the end of Brighton Pier the other day and there was a man in the water shouting, "I can't swim, I can't swim!"
I leaned over and said to him, "Listen mate, I can't play the trumpet but I don't go round shouting about it."
I was on the end of Brighton Pier the other day and there was a man in the water shouting, "I can't swim, I can't swim!"
I leaned over and said to him, "Listen mate, I can't play the trumpet but I don't go round shouting about it."
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
So I've just read that "100 things to do before you die".
Surprised to see that 'shout for help' wasn't in there.
Surprised to see that 'shout for help' wasn't in there.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Prince Charles is visiting a nursing home In Stornoway when he's introduced to Isa, the oldest resident at 96 years old. As he sits down by her bed for a chat he says,
"And what's your name m'dear? "
" WHIT? " shouts back the slightly deaf Isa. "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP"
'Oh" says the future King and then more loudly, 'Have you been bedridden long? "
" HUNNERS O' TIMES" says Isa with a big toothless grin, "AND FOWER TIMES ON THE FERRY AN A'"
"And what's your name m'dear? "
" WHIT? " shouts back the slightly deaf Isa. "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP"
'Oh" says the future King and then more loudly, 'Have you been bedridden long? "
" HUNNERS O' TIMES" says Isa with a big toothless grin, "AND FOWER TIMES ON THE FERRY AN A'"
JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Hundreds of times and four times on the ferry too.
wheresthetorch
Dreaming of Celeste
- Location
- West Sussex
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
My message to the bloke on crutches that was seen on CCTV stealing my camouflage jacket: "You can hide , but you can't run"
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
I was in the bedroom pulling off my boxers when the wife walked in...
'You spoil those dogs, you know', she said
You are Roy Keane AICMFP.
I think I heard it from Martin Clunes on HIGNFY.. Maybe he stole it from Roy Keane (or t'other way round.)
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
I was in the bedroom pulling off my boxers when the wife walked in...
'You spoil those dogs, you know', she said
Reminds me of another double entendre.
Not a joke, but a quote from Michael Buerk, watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage:
'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come
in his shorts.'
PaulSB
Legendary Member
- Location
- Chorley, Lancashire
From a friend's young nephew;
What do you call a row of dolls?
A barbecue...... boom, boom
Apparently they got worse after that gem
What do you call a row of dolls?
A barbecue...... boom, boom
Apparently they got worse after that gem
nickyboy
Norven Mankey
- Location
- You want hills? We got hills
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile. It was a waste of time, I don't know what I met her for
nickyboy
Norven Mankey
- Location
- You want hills? We got hills
I went into the butcher shop and the butcher was looking up at the top of the shelves. There were a couple of pieces of meat up there he couldn't reach.
"I can't reach them" he said. "I bet you can't reach them either"
I decided not to take the bet. The steaks were too high
"I can't reach them" he said. "I bet you can't reach them either"
I decided not to take the bet. The steaks were too high
