Any good jokes ... ?

[Arjimlad]

This isn't a joke BTW, it did actually happen!

Opening the door in your dressing gown again ?

"Funny place for a door if you ask me" !!

 

[TVC]

My wife sent me to the shop to get some Danish blue. How was I supposed to know it's cheese, looks like I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight.

 

[Scoosh]

My wife sent me to the shop to get some Danish blue. How was I supposed to know it's cheese, looks like I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight.

... but you'll have something to read/ watch, yes ?

 

[TVC]

... but you'll have something to read/ watch, yes ?

Now I've bought it, it's a shame to waste it.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Guy walking home says look at that flock of cows over there
Herd of cows says his pal.
Of course I've heard of cows there's a flock of them over there!

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!"
Apparently it was Farmer Geddon

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Whilst on a countryside theme, serious question: Why do farmers always put the gate in the muddiest part of the field?

 

[Markymark]

My beautiful wife. You are everything to me. We created two wonderful children. Everything I do is for us. You are my reason for living. I only properly laugh when I am with you. I am only truly happy when you are near.


However when I went to the bar to order, you had the choice of choosing chips……

 

[JtB]

 

[gaz71]

1980s singer Enya has bought a rugby union club.
Their first 3 fixtures are

Sale (a)
Sale (a)
Sale (a)

 

[Hitchington]

just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar.

Every time you open a door someone tells you to f** off

 

[morrisman]

He said "I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library."
I thought to myself, "That's a turn-up for the books."

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software licence agreement. In the end you ignore it all, wait for it to stop and click "I agree"

 

[PeteXXX]

I was in the bedroom pulling off my boxers when the wife walked in...

'You spoil those dogs, you know', she said