Give me some dialogue from your day

[Brightski]

I'll start.

me to 12 year old son heading out the door to the video shop 800 yards away..
"How many jackets have you got on?"
"A hoodie and a fleece" he says, omitting the winter ski gloves and the buff.
"right; you expecting a storm between here and the video shop then?"
"Dad, it's freezing out" and with that he went

me to the Ikea Delivery men:
"Can you put it upstairs?"
"I'll check with the driver.......No sorry mate, we're not insured for that. Had a lot of complaints about peoples floors being damaged"
me to myself, I'm not your mate you miserable bugger. Me and a 14 year old wrestled it up instead.

I work in a factory, I would get banned!!

That wasn't the dialogue

 

[Ruthie]

Yesterday morning in the changing room:

Night staff: Ah, I cannet get rid of this cold. It's been weeks and it keeps comin' back.

Day staff: It's because you smoke, you know that.

Night staff: But I hardly smoke any more! Do you know how long it is since I had a cigarette? No word of a lie, I've no' had a single one since last night!

 

[jhawk]

I get a Snapchat from a friend, the caption read - "Broken my nose. "

She comes on Facebook later, "I'm currently inbred and feeling sorry for myself."

Me: "Inbred? Are you sure? If so, I would be too! "

She also says that I am not to make her laugh, and under no circumstances is her predicament 'hilarious'.

 

[IDMark2]

Kids staying weekend, always good for conversational amusement...

Saturday night, everyone gathered in front room watching a film, eight year old boy with gusto announces 'I'm going for a wee.'
We all say, thank you for telling us that fact.
Boy, leaps up, opens door and is halfway up stairs as MrsD and Daughter shout 'DOOR!', meaning 'close the bloody door behind you...'
Eight year-old Boy, without missing a beat, shouts back 'KNOB!'


Sunday, being all helpful and fatherly, I ask if my daughter if she has any homework I can help her with.
'Well, I've got Maths'
'OK, let's have a go shall we?'
'Great, I didn't really get it during class, it's quadratic equations..'
'Err, OK. Um..Have you got any French?'

 

[IDMark2]

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing" ~ Socrates
I must have wisdom then ...

'The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom..'

 

[gavgav]

We moved offices on Friday.......

The most annoying woman I have ever worked with comes in this morning:- "who's going to unpack my boxes and set my PC up for me?"

Me:- "you are like we all did on Friday"

Her:- silence

Me to another colleague:-

 

[laurence]

we often break into song at work - no idea why and it's usually bad pop songs or tunes from musicals.. anyway

me: *making a vague humming noise that almost turns into...*
girl opposite: was that 'the lion sleeps tonight'?
me: almost, i stopped it before it started
go: aww, shame, i like that song, it would be good to hear it
me: you'd like to hear 'the lion sleeps tonight'?
go: yes
me: well, if you have a desire to hear 'the lion sleeps tonight' it's only a whim away

oh yes... and before 11am as well.

 

[ColinJ]

Sunday, being all helpful and fatherly, I ask if my daughter if she has any homework I can help her with.
'Well, I've got Maths'
'OK, let's have a go shall we?'
'Great, I didn't really get it during class, it's quadratic equations..'
'Err, OK. Um..Have you got any French?'

Next time she tries that one, respond with this:
if
a*x*x + b*x + c = 0
then
x = (-b +/- sqrt (b*b - 4*a*c))/(2*a)

 

[IDMark2]

a*x*x + b*x + c = 0
then
x = (-b +/- sqrt (b*b - 4*a*c))/(2*a)

Damn, looks like I wouldn't have understood the French then.. What? Oh...

 

[jhawk]

Dad: "We're due 25-35cm of snow tomorrow!"

Me: "Oh feck off!"

Dad: "And, we're going to get another 30-40cm on top of that on Sunday..."

Me: "" - In that order.

 

[ColinJ]

Dad: "We're due 25-35cm of snow tomorrow!"

Me: "Oh feck off!"

Dad: "And, we're going to get another 30-40cm on top of that on Sunday..."

Me: "" - In that order.

I would be happy to have 'proper' winters here, blue skies, and enough snow that it would be possible to switch to winter sports for the season. What I can't stand is months and months of damp, dull, chilly dreariness!

As soon as I can afford it, I will start spending winters somewhere mild and sunny.

 

[jhawk]

I would be happy to have 'proper' winters here, blue skies, and enough snow that it would be possible to switch to winter sports for the season. What I can't stand is months and months of damp, dull, chilly dreariness!

As soon as I can afford it, I will start spending winters somewhere mild and sunny.

That is perhaps the best thing about this country. The seasons are 'real' seasons. Winter is winter (although I hate how long it is), Summer is Summer (despite it's shortness), and Autumn is Autumn, it really is an amazing country and I'm privileged to live here.

Spring gets lost sometimes - this is one of those times.

 

[vernon]

As soon as I can afford it, I will start spending winters somewhere mild and sunny.

Mablethorpe?

 

[vernon]

There was a young woman called Mabel
Who liked to live under the table.
She sat on the lino, stared at the door
And took food from the top when able.

She lived there for ten years or more
Keeping her eyes on the door,
Munching and brunching and crunching her food
Till it was just too much to ignore

So her family decided to move
Saying ' things just had to improve'.
They called up a man and ordered a van
To take all her stuff to the Louvre !

So now she just sits and she stares
Becoming a great ignoramus
But visitors are nice and pay quite a price
For the table and Mabel are famous

 

[MisterStan]

Childcare issues yesterday meant I spent the day looking after my daughter.
Points at object - 'What's this Daddy? (repeat Ad infinitum)