Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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IDMark2
Dodgy Aerial
- Location
- On the Roof
Evil yes .....but a comic genius with it....
It's my life chap, I just report it.. Thanks anyway, if I know someone smiles at this then all is right with the world. I am sure more will be forthcoming unless life does end tomorrow, probably when I thought of something funny to say or do at an inopportune moment. At the moment it's just warning slaps.
GrasB
Veteran
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
Manager: You took 25 hours to do one simple script! This is an unacceptable amount of time.
Me: It took me 25 hours to write, test, debug a script with over 2000 lines in it.
Manager: Oh! I didn't realise it would be a complicated job.
Me:
If this stuff was easy you wouldn't need specialist would you?
Manager: *thoughtful pause* 'ppose not.
My manager isn't a computer officer but a academic who happens to be senior in the department.
Me: It took me 25 hours to write, test, debug a script with over 2000 lines in it.
Manager: Oh! I didn't realise it would be a complicated job.
Me:
If this stuff was easy you wouldn't need specialist would you?Manager: *thoughtful pause* 'ppose not.
My manager isn't a computer officer but a academic who happens to be senior in the department.
One problem is people with auto headlights get used to not needing to bother with their lights most of the time so after switching them on in fog forget they need to do anything about them because the car takes care of it.
PlymSlimCyclist
Veteran
- Location
- Liverpool, UK
Hunger struck, so had to dig deep for a 2 day old stale doughnut...
Me: Would anyone mind me pinching one of these? (Points to doughnut)
Colleague: Nope, but they'll be hard
Me: Not touching that one with a barge pole.
5 minutes later...
Me: That's the last time I'm eating anything hard and slimey
Colleague: I very much doubt that.
Me: Balls!
Colleague: That's what I meant!
Me: Damnit (walks back into office)
Me: Would anyone mind me pinching one of these? (Points to doughnut)
Colleague: Nope, but they'll be hard
Me: Not touching that one with a barge pole.
5 minutes later...
Me: That's the last time I'm eating anything hard and slimey
Colleague: I very much doubt that.
Me: Balls!
Colleague: That's what I meant!
Me: Damnit (walks back into office)
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
Me: Might be going away this weekend... Me and the whole gang. Going to Dad's girlfriends.
Her: "I'm intrigued by the plural..."
Me: "Crap... *Girlfriend's*" ... Same conversation, sometime later.
Me: "She has two kids, one thirteen and one seventeen."
Her: "Oh wow! So you may have play friends!"
Me: "Did you seriously just use the term 'play friends'?"
Her: "I'm intrigued by the plural..."
Me: "Crap... *Girlfriend's*" ... Same conversation, sometime later.
Me: "She has two kids, one thirteen and one seventeen."
Her: "Oh wow! So you may have play friends!"
Me: "Did you seriously just use the term 'play friends'?"
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
Number 3 grandson arrived this morning.
GS. Blimey gran. A lot of cars passed me on the way up the lane this morning.
ME. Really? How many
GS 3.
ME. What 3 whole cars.
GS started laughing. All right he said, but that's a lot for here.
Me. MMm. Started laughing.
GS. Blimey gran. A lot of cars passed me on the way up the lane this morning.
ME. Really? How many
GS 3.
ME. What 3 whole cars.
GS started laughing. All right he said, but that's a lot for here.
Me. MMm. Started laughing.
IDMark2
Dodgy Aerial
- Location
- On the Roof
MrsD has made sure she washed her favourite dress for work yesterday, wasn't finished drying so she hung it above one of the radiators downstairs.
This morning, I hear her get up as her alarm goes off in the morning but am only half awake..
She's back, ablutions complete..but I spot, through one bleary eye, she's only wearing underwear.
'Bye, have a good day' she says, leaning over and giving me the traditional kiss goodbye..
'You too, err..bye. One thing before you go'
'Yes'
'Um, you appear to have forgotten to get dressed?'
'Dick, I'm going downstairs for my dress'
'Ahh..just checking..'
This morning, I hear her get up as her alarm goes off in the morning but am only half awake..
She's back, ablutions complete..but I spot, through one bleary eye, she's only wearing underwear.
'Bye, have a good day' she says, leaning over and giving me the traditional kiss goodbye..
'You too, err..bye. One thing before you go'
'Yes'
'Um, you appear to have forgotten to get dressed?'
'Dick, I'm going downstairs for my dress'
'Ahh..just checking..'
PpPete
Legendary Member
- Location
- Chandler's Ford
...
...
...
"And is your house terraced, semi-detached, or detached?"
"I'm sorry, I agreed to give you two minutes of my time, that is 120 seconds, which you have now exhausted, Goodbye !"
...
...
"And is your house terraced, semi-detached, or detached?"
"I'm sorry, I agreed to give you two minutes of my time, that is 120 seconds, which you have now exhausted, Goodbye !"
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
I routinely brew cups of tea, and then forget about them... However, this time that was not so. It's been sitting in front of him for the last five minutes.
Dad: "That tea's probably stewed all to buggery by now!"
Me: "IT'S RIGHT F*CKING THERE!"
Dad: "That tea's probably stewed all to buggery by now!"
Me: "IT'S RIGHT F*CKING THERE!"
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
''I'm going home to a happy man today''
''Why so?''
''He's an Everton fan and they're beating Arsenal 2-0''
''Oh I see''
''He's gone to the pub with a mate who's an Arsenal supporter!''
''Why so?''
''He's an Everton fan and they're beating Arsenal 2-0''
''Oh I see''
''He's gone to the pub with a mate who's an Arsenal supporter!''
SatNavSaysStraightOn
Changed hemispheres!
- Location
- ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ 'ɐɹɹǝquɐƆ
One from the weekend. We are having pikelets for Sunday lunch and I have just about finished cooking the last of them and am eating my last one in the kitchen when my husband walks in and tries to give me a cuddle.
me: "I think there is a pikelet coming between us" as my OH fails to notice the rolled up pikelet in my hands in front of me
him: "bar humbug" and promptly eats my pikelet
and cuddles me better
...
me: "I think there is a pikelet coming between us" as my OH fails to notice the rolled up pikelet in my hands in front of me
him: "bar humbug" and promptly eats my pikelet
and cuddles me better...
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Me: your knob just came off in my hand
Him:
Me: I only touched it very gently and it sort of twisted and came off.
Him:
Me: So sorry, I did not mean to do it!
Him: Well, I shall now try and screw it back on properly.
Me:
Me: Thank you for letting me have a good look your VW Golf and to try the driver's seat. You should get that gear knob sorted.
Him:
Me: I only touched it very gently and it sort of twisted and came off.
Him:
Me: So sorry, I did not mean to do it!
Him: Well, I shall now try and screw it back on properly.
Me:
Me: Thank you for letting me have a good look your VW Golf and to try the driver's seat. You should get that gear knob sorted.
Tuesday evening.
The Football is on. Now, I don't mind football, but this match appears to be heading for a draw and so that means there will be extra time.
The final whistle goes.
Chelsea players are very happy. PSG players are not.
The penny drops.
Me: "Oh, they've got an away goal, haven't they? They've won."
Boyfriend:
The Football is on. Now, I don't mind football, but this match appears to be heading for a draw and so that means there will be extra time.
The final whistle goes.
Chelsea players are very happy. PSG players are not.
The penny drops.
Me: "Oh, they've got an away goal, haven't they? They've won."
Boyfriend:
