Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
You are about 4 years younger than me but you look quite old, especially today when you smartened up to visit a customer, the suit and glasses make you look even older, not flattering.
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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marknotgeorge
Hol den Vorschlaghammer!
- Location
- Derby.
I was coming back into work after having already left the building...
Colleague: Forgot your phone again?
Me: No, my trousers.
C: What?!
Everyone else:
Me: (Picking my TK Maxx carrier off the coathook) My trousers!
Colleague: Forgot your phone again?
Me: No, my trousers.
C: What?!
Everyone else:
Me: (Picking my TK Maxx carrier off the coathook) My trousers!
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
You know how things evolve in a relationship...for instance, I could probably count on 2 hands the amount of cups of tea my wife makes for me in a whole year...I ALWAYS make the drinks, it's just evolved that way.
This morning, I'm at the top of the stairs and my wife calls up from the kitchen....
'You want a cuppa ?'
'Yes please
'
And then I couldn't resist it, I called back down....
'That was just downright dangerous'
'Wha ?????' .....replied my wife.
'Offering me a cuppa when I was right at the top of the stairs...I nearly fell down them with shock'....and in that instant found it remarkably funny and went into a giggling fit for a minute.
'Expletive deleted'...from my wife
So I finished upstairs, wandered down and picked up my cuppa, grinned at my wife who called me a 'childish so and so'
I sat down, took one sip of tea...
6 spoons of sugar.
'Who's laughing now'
...said my wife.
This morning, I'm at the top of the stairs and my wife calls up from the kitchen....
'You want a cuppa ?'
'Yes please
'And then I couldn't resist it, I called back down....
'That was just downright dangerous'
'Wha ?????' .....replied my wife.
'Offering me a cuppa when I was right at the top of the stairs...I nearly fell down them with shock'....and in that instant found it remarkably funny and went into a giggling fit for a minute.
'Expletive deleted'...from my wife
So I finished upstairs, wandered down and picked up my cuppa, grinned at my wife who called me a 'childish so and so'
I sat down, took one sip of tea...
6 spoons of sugar.
'Who's laughing now'
...said my wife.
... then wait for the reaction when they look in a mirror some time later ... 
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
Consultant, consulting file: I see this letter you wrote...you might as well write to a brick wall.
Me: I was just letting off steam really.
Consultant: Yes, a brick wall. A brick wall would be just as useful.
(Shortly after)
Consultant: the level of incompetence is astonishing. I'm going to use what they call 'my kit' to do your biopsy, because we have no disposable ones. They have run out. No-one saw them running out and ordered new ones. When they introduced disposables, they wanted to get rid of my kit, but I insisted on keeping it. Now everyone uses it all the time, because as often as not it's the only one we have. Sheer incompetence...
Me: I was just letting off steam really.
Consultant: Yes, a brick wall. A brick wall would be just as useful.
(Shortly after)
Consultant: the level of incompetence is astonishing. I'm going to use what they call 'my kit' to do your biopsy, because we have no disposable ones. They have run out. No-one saw them running out and ordered new ones. When they introduced disposables, they wanted to get rid of my kit, but I insisted on keeping it. Now everyone uses it all the time, because as often as not it's the only one we have. Sheer incompetence...
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
It'd be nice to retort as he explained how HIS kit kept being used because they had run out...
'You might as well be talking to a brick wall
'But, best not aggravate a doctors who's going to take his kit out on you (excuse the pun)
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
No, he wasn't aggravatable, he was fine. I did think it was quite ironic that my appointment was 20 minutes late and he then spent the better part of 20 minutes undertaking a five minute procedure because of the time he spent telling me how incompetent and inefficient everything round here was...It'd be nice to retort as he explained how HIS kit kept being used because they had run out...
'You might as well be talking to a brick wall
But, best not aggravate a doctors who's going to take his kit out on you (excuse the pun)
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
Must admit I wasn't sure if his demeanour was aimed at you...or something else.
Two teenagers on a train from Hereford.
Her: Y'know Orlando?
Him: Yep.
Her: I call him Ralph all the time lately for a laugh.
Him: Why d'you call him Ralph?
Her: That's his actual name. Like his real name.
Him: How come he doesn't like being called Ralph?
Her: He thinks it sounds too posh.
Her: Y'know Orlando?
Him: Yep.
Her: I call him Ralph all the time lately for a laugh.
Him: Why d'you call him Ralph?
Her: That's his actual name. Like his real name.
Him: How come he doesn't like being called Ralph?
Her: He thinks it sounds too posh.
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
Mum: "how's your spaghetti bolognaise Rooco? It's it like mummy's?"
Eight year old boy: "no, yours tastes like shoot"
Eight year old boy: "no, yours tastes like shoot"
Houthakker
A Happy Wanderer
- Location
- Lancashire coast
Lady H: You are a neck bottler you are
Me: A what?
LH: A neck bottler!
Me: What's that?
LH: One of those people who gawp at accidents as you drive past.
Me: Oh, a rubbernecker...........
Me: A what?
LH: A neck bottler!
Me: What's that?
LH: One of those people who gawp at accidents as you drive past.
Me: Oh, a rubbernecker...........
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Were they pronouncing it "Rafe"?
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
Driving home with my wife, we're 1/2 mile away in an urban estate although on the main route bordering it, 30mph limit.
Convertible BMW come up quite fast, sits on my tail for a few seconds then roars past at maybe 60...only to have to slow down at a set of red TLS.
I pull up beside him, roof down, three guys in the car, i wind down my passenger window...
'Yo buddy, this is a 30mph road here, my grandkids live just over there'
Driver looked a little surprised, said something I didn't catch, lighted changed and we went different ways.
No drama, a point was made but I turned to my wife...
'I'm going to get a black eye one day'
Convertible BMW come up quite fast, sits on my tail for a few seconds then roars past at maybe 60...only to have to slow down at a set of red TLS.
I pull up beside him, roof down, three guys in the car, i wind down my passenger window...
'Yo buddy, this is a 30mph road here, my grandkids live just over there'
Driver looked a little surprised, said something I didn't catch, lighted changed and we went different ways.
No drama, a point was made but I turned to my wife...
'I'm going to get a black eye one day
'
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
Popped over to our sons...grandaughter Aimee (7) is playing Gin Rummy with me. As we're wrapping up a game I ask Hollie (11)...
'Ooooh, wanna play 52 card pickup ?'
'What's that ?' She asks...
'Oh it's brilliant, it's a card game' chips in my wife who's instantly realised what I'm up to.
'Yeah ok '
I shuffled the cards and brrraaap, sent the flying in the air, the rest you can guess....
Me ...
Wife..
Hollies mum and dad..
Hollie...
...'I can't believe I fell for that'
'Ooooh, wanna play 52 card pickup ?'
'What's that ?' She asks...
'Oh it's brilliant, it's a card game' chips in my wife who's instantly realised what I'm up to.
'Yeah ok '
I shuffled the cards and brrraaap, sent the flying in the air, the rest you can guess....
Me ...
Wife..
Hollies mum and dad..
Hollie...
...'I can't believe I fell for that'
