So would you tell her? (a 20 year lie)

[slowwww]

My 10 year old daughter has her SATs coming up in a few weeks and the results will have a significant bearing of where she's placed at secondary school and so ultimately her career prospects (yeah, yeah, usual middle-class angst!).

She's a bright, lovely girl, but we're struggling to get her to apply herself to practice despite various entreaties and comments about possible dire future consequences.

This is particularly puzzling to my wife as she is incredibly bright with 2 x MAs, an MBA and various other professional and musical qualifications.

The thing is, this is rather less of a surprise to me. When I first met my wife 20 years ago I was rather dazzled by her intellect as well as her beauty, and I may have slightly (ahem!) overstated my academic achievements as I did not wish to appear a numpty. I've always carried this off because through hard graft I've had a good career and well paid jobs.
However, when I see how my daughter is behaving I have a distinct sense of déjà vu. There's even direct parallel's between her school reports and mine - intelligent, but lazy.

I think it's fess-up time, or is it that my wife has long-since sussed me but is too kind to tell me??

 

[Levo-Lon]

Could be your wife with all her interlect recognized your bullshitting but liked you regardless.

if you go this route id play on the "like you didnt know ploy" women are funny about lies,she Will look at other things that might have secretely made her question your actions?
So be warned as this could be a BIG tin your about to open..

or she will laugh at you and say what are we going to do about your daughter.

good luck

 

[Saluki]

Oooh, tricky one that.
Maybe just mention that when you were your daughter's age, that your reports were similar i.e. bright but unmotivated? My reports were like that too.

If it helps any, I left school with 4 CSEs, then did 1 year at a 6th form school and did 8 'O' Levels, then College for 3 'A' levels (evening school as I had a job). When I could have left school, saw the likely sort of jobs that my parents thought that I could apply for, I promptly got my arse in gear and applied myself. I was a year behind my peers, but didn't care. I got it sorted in the end.

 

[jazzkat]

You'd be surprised how little interest the secondary school will have in the sats result. They know how the kids are coached and I'd reckon before the year is out your child will have been placed in the right place.
As regard the fessing up, what, are you dumb, you've got away with it so far.....maybe

 

[User10119]

My 10 year old daughter has her SATs coming up in a few weeks and the results will have a significant bearing of where she's placed at secondary school and so ultimately her career prospects (yeah, yeah, usual middle-class angst!).

Round here at least the SATS results are completely and utterly irrelevant to which secondary you get placed in, assuming you're talking state system. As in the kids got told which school they were placed at a couple of weeks ago, and won't be sitting the SATS for another couple of weeks. Don't lie to your kid either, I'd say.

 

[Thomk]

Lying is almost always the wrong thing to do. The fact that you are asking the question gives you all the information you need to make the right decision.

 

[Drago]

I was the same at school. Bright enough but not an especially good performer. Didn't stop me achieving undergrad and postgrad parchment.

I'd be wary about concealing the truth or using it to put the frightened on them. Manipulating the situation can invoke the law of unintended consequences.

As for the Missus... Let it go. It's not done any harm up until now, so why rock the boat?

 

[Archie_tect]

So, did you actually see your wife's MA and MBA certificates.... or did she just tell you...

Not telling your wife that you embroidered the truth to impress her when you first met isn't the end of the world.... just introduce the truth in conversation with your daughter and if your wife picks you up on it, which I doubt she will [because she'll either already know from conversations with your parents over the years, or she'd forgotten it all these years and it won't matter anyway] just tell her the truth and that you'd only told her a white lie the once to impress her when you met....

If, however, you have repeated the lies throughout your lives together and have continued to deceive to maintain the lie then keep quiet for your own sake.

As far as your daughter's concerned- children can't be forced to work hard, there are millions of ways to prevaricate if necessary.... I know cos I did. If she is bright the school will already know.

Attitude and enthusiasm counts for a lot- SAT tests are an evil statistics league table that has little to do with your daughter's rounded education- for which you have the biggest contribution to make- it's not just about the school- mind you if you have continued to be lazy she will pick up on it.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

She's a bright, lovely girl, but we're struggling to get her to apply herself to practice despite various entreaties and comments about possible dire future consequences.

I see you are carrying on the lies and have got your wife involved as well.

 

[Berk on a Bike]

Don't sweat the small stuff.

In my experience, nothing a child does in year 6 has an impact on higher academic or career prospects. They have a lot of schooling to go yet. SATs are a measure of the school, not the child, and she will be baseline tested when she gets to secondary school anyway. If this still means she isn't top set for everything then so be it. There's an evolution from school year to school year and that can be part of discussions when it arises.

As for you, you two-faced charlatan...

 

[Bazzer]

SATS are a DfE measure of progress. So far as I am aware nothing hinges on them except possibly the sets your daughter will initially be placed in at high school.
Fess up for the common good. Your daughter has your genes. What would have worked for you and apply it.

 

[Simontm]

[QUOTE 3654494, member: 10119"]Round here at least the SATS results are completely and utterly irrelevant to which secondary you get placed in, assuming you're talking state system. As in the kids got told which school they were placed at a couple of weeks ago, and won't be sitting the SATS for another couple of weeks. Don't lie to your kid either, I'd say.[/QUOTE]

I was about to say, you're in Surrey. SATS are irrelevant if State, kids were placed about a month ago. We're slowly watching our daughter head up the waiting list (cross-fingers)

 

[vernon]

SAT scores have no bearing on school allocation, post codes do.

End of story.

 

[Sara_H]

I was just like your daughter, bright but completely uninterested in studying.
I went to one of the worst secondary schools in the city - more to do with geography than anything else, we lived in a baaaaad area!
Still find it difficult to apply myself to academia. Didn't do too badly at uni, though hated every minute. I left my dissertation to the last minute and ended up doing it in 10 days from start to finish! It was a means to an end. I often think that if I could be bothered to apply myself I could probably take over the world.
Probably starting an MSc in the next academic year. Dreading it.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

SAT scores have no bearing on school allocation, post codes do.

End of story.

SATS are a DfE measure of progress. So far as I am aware nothing hinges on them except possibly the sets your daughter will initially be placed in at high school.

When my sprogs were little SATs were introduced as a test of progress - at least that's what I understood. So in principle the kids shouldn't know they are being tested. However teachers worry that they will be "shown up" by poor results so the kids get "pushed" to get good scores thus nullifying the original objective.

Your Mrs has probably sussed you anyway. I'd just say that you had "bright but lazy" reports too and look how you turned out. (That assumes you've turned out OK )

Forget SATs and concentrate on the GCSE's , A levels and Degrees. But most of all Happiness