A new element

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Jim, 30 Apr 2008.

  1. Jim

    Jim Senior Member

    A new addition to Chemistry’s Periodic Table: Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.  

    The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

    Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

    A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

    When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
    Archie_tect likes this.
  2. Shaun

    Shaun Founder Moderator


    The scientist in me was intrigued by the opening lines, the guffawing schoolboy in me was satisfied with the rest. :evil:
  3. That's molecute Jim!
  4. surfgurl

    surfgurl New Member

    I shall update all the copies of the periodic table in school today. Can someone get hold of Tom Lehrer and ask him to add it in to his song?
  5. Disgruntled Goat

    Disgruntled Goat New Member

    Won't be voting tomorrow then Jim?
  6. piedwagtail91

    piedwagtail91 Über Member

    excellent , brightened up a bad day:smile:
    i had one knocking on the door last night, i opened the door and said 10p tax and incapacity benefit, he said OK thanks and went:biggrin:
  7. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Penarth, Wales
    Is there an election soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  8. Tetedelacourse

    Tetedelacourse New Member

    Have you had any trouble with elections in the Far East Keith?
  9. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Penarth, Wales
    None at all Tete, they work like clockwork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. marinyork

    marinyork Resting in suspended Animation

    Good one. Thought the preon joke particularly clever.
  11. Norm

    Norm Guest

    There is an update on this new element.

    Further experiments by Oxford University researchers has determined that Governmentium will react in a unusual fashion with Gold and Silver and is capable of disassociating Gold and Silver from other compounds even when the compounds is closely bonded to the Gold or Silver. If exposed to pure Gold and Silver, regardless of amount Govermentium seems to absorb the Gold and Silver without producing any significant products. Science has yet to discover where the Gold or Silver goes as it appears to vanish.

    Governmentium can be found in a variety of different types usually referenced by their colours, these colours occur in varying amounts; red and blue are more prominent, followed by yellow. Occasionally a rare piece of Green Governmentium can be found, sometimes other colours appear to be green on the surface but inside they are really another colour. There have been examples of pieces of Governmentium changing from one colour to another.

    It is not advisable to combine different colours of Governmentium as combining two colours of Governmentium will stop the progress of any reaction often bringing it to a complete stop even if Governmentium is isolated and no longer part of the process.
  12. Archie_tect

    Archie_tect De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold

    ...when governmentium is exposed to peon bombardment, if mixed with alcohol, a violent reaction can occur creating Pandemonium.
    However where no stimulus is introduced it breaks down creating Boredom.
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