Adoption

[midlife]

Hi Mick

Congratulations . Just out of curiosity I wonder why you have decided to adopt again? Presumably given the wait for adoption it would have been quicker if the adoption went to a situation where there had not been an adoption....ie the stereotypical childless family.

Shaun

 

[shouldbeinbed]

No experience but a few colleagues and pals have adopted, always seems to take longer than anticipated but they're all very happy and settled eventually. Good on you for going through it.

 

[Lullabelle]

Those 2 kids are very lucky to be taken in by 2 amazing people

 

[Smithbat]

No experience here but I have had a few adoptees through my Guide unit. All of them happy. I think it takes special people to adopt and I am sure your family will have a wonderful life together x

 

[nappadang]

No, I'm talking about what you refer to as permanence (birth family vs social services). In the case I previously described, social services effectively lost the case they put before the court. Maybe this was a rare occurence, but it seems foolish to match children with adoptive parents before the court has ruled, even if social services are expecting to get rubber stamped in the majority of cases.

Apologies if you find my account unsettling to your own situation. I'm just presenting the view from the other side, which isn't often heard, due to privacy issues, reporting restrictions, because the majority of parents do not experience it, and social services don't want a light shone into what can be a murky area of justice that is sometimes likened to a kangaroo court. Feel free to tell me to get lost if you don't like what I'm saying and/or think it's unhelpful.

No, it is a discussion forum, so all view points (within reason) should be shared.
I agree that matches shouldn't be made prior to permanence being granted but this is one of the new speed up ideas and will no doubt continue. It has no effect on any child as they remain unaware.
Court sessions are private but birth family can attend and are kept fully in the picture. I know in this case they weren't happy with the outcome but were free to appeal, which they didn't. In all honesty, if you ever read the permanence report and we're made aware of why this child was placed in care, you'd understand why they didn't appeal and why the majority of these cases should be carried out in private.

 

[nappadang]

A couple I know are just in the process of adopting. They decided to go for adoption after she had to have a hysterectomy over a year ago. Can't remember when they started the process but it must've been about this time last year. I think officially they are fostering a baby now with a view to adopting it once all the court stuff is sorted out, but it's been a long process for them to get to this stage.
Does sound like other couples would be put off by the process.

Wow, your friends are amazing and wish them my best.
We were offered foster to adopt but declined just incase the courts reversed the decision. Obviously, this would have had an adverse effect on our son.

 

[nappadang]

Hi Mick

Congratulations . Just out of curiosity I wonder why you have decided to adopt again? Presumably given the wait for adoption it would have been quicker if the adoption went to a situation where there had not been an adoption....ie the stereotypical childless family.

Shaun

What other option do we have?

 

[Wafer]

Wow, your friends are amazing and wish them my best.
We were offered foster to adopt but declined just incase the courts reversed the decision. Obviously, this would have had an adverse effect on our son.

Oh I think anyone willing to adopt is pretty amazing! If it all works out I think they'll have done all right. It was a new born and went to them very quickly.
They seem pretty confident of the court stuff going through but it must be a worry that something will happen. I think they'd be completely gutted if the courts returned the baby to the mother now.

 

[JtB]

We adopted two toddlers; the first 19 years ago and the second 15 years ago. The first has given us nothing but joy and is about to finish his final year at university next month, while the second has taken us to hell and back except for the fact that we're still not back. This last 4 years have been extremely stressful indeed and there's still no end in sight.

 

[Sara_H]

We adopted two toddlers; the first 19 years ago and the second 15 years ago. The first has given us nothing but joy and is about to finish his final year at university next month, while the second has taken us to hell and back except for the fact that we're still not back. This last 4 years have been extremely stressful indeed and there's still no end in sight.

In fairness, this can happen in any family - birth, adoptive or step families.

I attended a very interesting training event about attachment just recently. Some very interesting research studies around about the impact the uk's care system has on children and their capacity to form attachments. A well respected psychologist that presented at the event recommends that all newly adoptive families should have a psychological assessment with a view to picking up and ironing out issues. Sadly, the funds aren't generally available to do this through their local authorities, so it falls to adoptive parents to pay themselves.

Anyhow, off my soapbox, congratulations on the impending addition!

 

[summerdays]

In fairness, this can happen in any family - birth, adoptive or step families.

I attended a very interesting training event about attachment just recently. Some very interesting research studies around about the impact the uk's care system has on children and their capacity to form attachments. A well respected psychologist that presented at the event recommends that all newly adoptive families should have a psychological assessment with a view to picking up and ironing out issues. Sadly, the funds aren't generally available to do this through their local authorities, so it falls to adoptive parents to pay themselves.

Anyhow, off my soapbox, congratulations on the impending addition!

It's a pity the funds aren't there as I've seen some of the ramifications from a distance when they can't form proper bonds and there is definitely a cost to the taxpayer /council in the extra help they need in their life and to their reactions to society.

Back to the OP - congratulations on your future addition to your family.