Am I being stupid??

[hobbitonabike]

Once a week my hubby and my brother in law head out on the bikes and a couple of weeks ago I went too. I kept getting left behind and they had to keep stopping for me. I knew this would happen as they have been cycling for longer than me. But I felt increasingly like I was ruining their ride and that coupled with my technicolour temper and tendancy to be far too hard on myself resulted in an entertaining meltdown that consisted of a multitude of swear words!! I did take it out on some hills which became quite productive lol. The thing is...the guys still want me to come....not sure if it's for entertainment value or what lol. They say they don't mind waiting for me and last week I didn't go and when hubby came back they had been further and faster which only affirmed to me that they will have better rides without me tagging on holding them back. But they're still saying they want me to come and I want to but get frustrated that at the moment I can't hold my own with them. So what would others do? Would you not go until you have the miles up a bit or would you go and use it as a reason to drive you on? I am torn between which to do. I have a shocking temper when it goes and don't want to ruin their ride. All constructive comments and pi$$ taking welcome!!!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I find cycling with others does up my game, but I'm also quite happy to ask folk to slow down.

 

[coffeejo]

Don't ... but yes, you are.

We get this in my cycle group a lot - we have a 'nobody gets left behind' policy and many new members spend all their time apologising for "being slow", "holding everybody up" etc etc.

Rubbish.

We enjoy the company, the banter, the laughs, the scenery ... if some people want to ride fast and hard, they go out with a faster club or for a solo ride. But on the group days, it's about being with the people you're with. End of. And guess what? It's brilliant, as the weeks go by, seeing people get fitter and grow in confidence - and they can never believe it, when they look back at how far they've come, how much they've improved. And I say that as someone who started off slow and apologising.

If your hubby and BIL want to go out with you, it's because they enjoy your company. Stop worrying about how fast you're going (or not) and just enjoy the ride and their company. Don't ruin it for yourself - you'll only miss out on some good times.

 

[Sara_H]

They wouldn't invite you if they didn't want you there!

 

[Mo1959]

Ha, ha......you sound a bit like me. Not very fast but still have a competitive want to do attitude and get annoyed with yourself and others when you can't do what you want to do.

As others have said though, definitely sounds like they don't mind.

What about a compromise if they do want to work on their own speed. One stays with you while the other shoots off ahead a bit then comes back and they swap. That way, you always have company and they can work out harder if they want.

 

[hobbitonabike]

Thanks guys...I guess I know I'm being stupid and I should just suck it up and not worry about what standard I am at and enjoy myself!!! And Mo...yes that is exactly what I'm like!!! Thank goodness I'm not the only one!!!

 

[MattHB]

Keep going out, try to relax and enjoy the ride. There will come a point in your fitness increase when you'll be able to push yourself much harder than you can now, that boost in confidence will make the whole thing much less frustrating and more enjoyable. Once you push through that barrier you may find yourself waiting for them!

 

[ianrauk]

Sounds like you have a most excellent and patient hubby and BIL.
The obviously enjoy your company on rides so keep it up.
You can only get better and faster and it will become more enjoyable.

 

[Cubist]

One last thing. They want you to ride with them because they love cycling and want you to enjoy it as well, but most importantly share some time with you. They won't see it as slowing them down. They are allowing for your improving fitness, and trust me they will never criticise you, after all, you're out there riding. Many partners aren't. I used to ride with a mixed ability group, and we often had to wait at the top of hills, or at the end of a difficult technical section. but personally I enjoyed the chance to stop for a bit of a breather! Don't be harsh on yourself. If you constantly beat yourself up you'll find ever increasing reasons not to bother going, and then all three of you will miss out.

 

[hobbitonabike]

They are brilliant...and very long suffering!!! But I like to think I'm worth it!!! Lol lol.

 

[hobbitonabike]

Thanks Cubist...beautifully put. I guess I need to relax and enjoy it rather than criticising every little fault I can find. Thanks guys.

 

[BrianEvesham]

Defiantly keep going with them. When my wife is with me the average speed is much slower and the ride shorter but I really don't care, she is riding with me and that's just great.

We hope to do this ride together in the summer;

http://www.thegreatshakespeareride.org.uk/the-event/routes-info/25-mile.html

 

[tomahawk]

Totally agree with cubist. Nobody got on a bike one day and was magically a quick cyclist. Your husband and brother in law would have started off slower at first. Just go out and enjoy.

 

[Biker Joe]

They are brilliant...and very long suffering!!! But I like to think I'm worth it!!! Lol lol.

Of course you are worth it.. And now you're feeling better about it.
If you feel that bad about it, let them go off on their own once in a while but listen to what they would like first.
Enjoy

 

[Peteaud]

Mrs Aud is slower than me, and a major knee op means she cant do much over 25 miles, but i love it when we are out together. Yes i have to wait for her and yes it a bit slower and kills my strava record but to be honest i would rather do half the distance and wait for hours if it means we can go out together.