Angry Dad

[longers]

I've just had the misfortune to hear the angriest man in Derbyshire. While walking the dog near the Longendale Trail, I could see a young lad about 11 or 12 picking his bike out of a hedge to the sounds of "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE BL**DY WELL GOING WILL YOU!".

It gets worse. While the lad was holding his left hand and looking in a bit of pain he was being encouraged by more shouting "Get back on the bike, GET BACK ON THE BIKE, GET BACK ON THE BL**DY BIKE!!"

I wasn't in a postion to help or intervene but I really feel sorry for the lad as the bloke was his father and a happy afternoon cycling in a beautiful location doesn't look like it's going to be happening.

What could I have done?

 

[alecstilleyedye]

said "who do you think you are, tom simpson's manager?"

 

[Fnaar]

I think a lot of folk find it hard when suddenly thrust into full-time contact with the kids when they are used to a day at work and the relative 'escape' and routine that this offers. I've occasionally felt like that, but after 14 yrs I'm kind of used to it, and you just have to step back and appreciate it as an opportunity to spend time with your kids rather than an intensification of the usual demands on your time (I used to joke with colleagues years ago, when I just had the one baby, that after hols I came back to work for a rest; after 3, I now really enjoy time with them, and work is far far away!) As to what you could have done, well, a 'blimey mate' stare, coupled with perhaps something like 'steady on' might do the trick!

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

ning.

What could I have done?

Shouted, "Do as your dad tells you and don't be a wimp."

 

[spen666]

I was once walking down to an underpass. There was a woman coming up the ramp pushing an empty pushchair. Behind her was a boy of 3 or 4, obviously very tired and so moaning about having to walk. The woman kept turning round and shouting at him to hurry up.

The boy said to his mom "I don't like you".

Her response? "Well, I f****** hate you too, you f****** little b******".

and your point is?


At least mummy is not lying to her son

 

[Keith Oates]

"What could I have done?"

Not a lot, but I bet the Dad will regret saying it when he has had time to reflect!!

 

[andharwheel]

I hardly ever shout at my son; but if I do I always regret it. Fnaar I totally agree that it is always an opportunity to enjoy your kids company, especially if you appreciate them more if you didnt see much of them for the first year of their life.

 

[Arch]

What could I have done?

Ask the bloke "Do you really think shouting's going to help?"

Ask the boy "Is this nasty man bothering you?"

Push the bloke into a big patch of nettles?

Set your dog on him?

Sounds horrible. Poor kid.

Unless, of course the kid had been acting up all day, even so, that's not way to respond.

 

[gbyers]

You witnessed abuse, psychological not physical but abuse nevertheless.

Losing your temper with a child is bad enough, but if the child is hurt it's way beyond bad judgement.

You say you weren't in a position to intervene, does this mean you couldn't or wouldn't?

Something along the lines of a question to father such as "Oh not an accident, sounds nasty." Followed by a bit of direct engagement of the concerned type and eye contact is worth trying. When people have to explain (in the form of an answer to an adult), their reaction, then the pause to reflect can be calming.

Of course you might have got a mouthful as well. But that's the price.

BTW I know it's easier to post than act.

 

[Eat MY Dust]

A couple of weeks ago there was a swarm of flying ants. There was a little kid screaming in fear of them, when his mum turned around and shouted at him "What's your fu**ing problem" before storming off, leaving him surrounded by the flying ants. Charming I thought!!!

 

[andyoxon]

I've just had the misfortune to hear the angriest man in Derbyshire. .....

What could I have done?

Sad isn't it, because this 'small' incident will probably stay with that child for a very long time... don't think you could have done anything really...by the way.

I still remember when I was about 10 or so (in Africa), being shouted out at by my very angry Mother, for climbing on a roof and dropping stones down the chimney. OK I deserved to be told off, on this occasion... but I still remember it a 30 odd yrs later...

 

[longers]

You witnessed abuse, psychological not physical but abuse nevertheless.

Losing your temper with a child is bad enough, but if the child is hurt it's way beyond bad judgement.

You say you weren't in a position to intervene, does this mean you couldn't or wouldn't?

Something along the lines of a question to father such as "Oh not an accident, sounds nasty." Followed by a bit of direct engagement of the concerned type and eye contact is worth trying. When people have to explain (in the form of an answer to an adult), their reaction, then the pause to reflect can be calming.

Of course you might have got a mouthful as well. But that's the price.

BTW I know it's easier to post than act.

I agree with what you say, and with what others have said. I was two fields away looking down to the trail, it would have taken 5 minutes to walk down to where they had been and I'd have had to walk fast to catch them up. The spur of the moment "steady on" and the stare (which people tell me I do very well) would have been the best course of action, but 10 minutes too late and it would have been a confrontation proper.

I like to think I would have said something if I'd been closer but then again maybe his Dad would have reigned in his temper if he had thought he was being watched.
Poor lad.

 

[bonj2]

Sad isn't it, because this 'small' incident will probably stay with that child for a very long time... don't think you could have done anything really...by the way.

No it probably won't, because he probably shouts at him every day.

 

[Arch]

No it probably won't, because he probably shouts at him every day.

That doesn't mean the kid won't remember that day. I have friends who had fathers like that unfortunately, and they can recall lots of events, in painful detail.

The guy will get his punishment when the kid doesn't want to know him in later life. Alas, the kid may well be permanently damaged in the process.

 

[barq]

That sounds nasty. (And probably none to pleasant for you Longers.)

I saw something similar last weekend which has been on my mind a bit. I was at a pub near Godalming where there were some adults and a small child sitting outdoors. The kid was being bad, no doubt about it and he was hitting a young woman in the group (who turned out to be his mother). She swept him up off the ground, wrenched his arm behind his back and bent his hand backwards. The kid started screaming and crying, while she was shouting "Hurts doesn't it? Now say "sorry mummy"!".

The rest of the family including older folks (grandparents?) all seemed totally cool with this. It was quite clear the woman was causing the kid pain, although I don't think she left any physical damage. In retrospect I should have intervened somehow, but at the time I thought of myself first and chickened out. They looked a rather rough bunch of people and I think my involvement might have earned me a smack.