Another speeder

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LLB

Guest
A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.





















Woman: Bet you the lying b@$tard told you I was speeding, too. :biggrin:
 

papercorn2000

Senior Member
Boom tish!
 

buggi

Bird Saviour
Location
Solihull
not a joke:

one time i pulled out of a car park and there was a cross roads. two cops were opposite and they flashed me to go.

i put my hand up to say cheers and went on my way. the bloody sods then pulled me! i coudn't believe it!

i wound down my window and one came over and said to me...

"we didn't flash you to pull out, we flashed you coz you don't have your lights on"

:biggrin:

i said "sorry, i'm having a blonde day!" but by the look on his face i think he had already lost his sense of humour.
 
OP
OP
L

LLB

Guest
buggi said:
not a joke:

one time i pulled out of a car park and there was a cross roads. two cops were opposite and they flashed me to go.

i put my hand up to say cheers and went on my way. the bloody sods then pulled me! i coudn't believe it!

i wound down my window and one came over and said to me...

"we didn't flash you to pull out, we flashed you coz you don't have your lights on"

:biggrin:

i said "sorry, i'm having a blonde day!" but by the look on his face i think he had already lost his sense of humour.

Perhaps he thought you were putting two fingers up to him when he tried to warn you about the lights :blush:
 
Woman is stopped by Police and asked for her licence....

"License?" she queries

"Small thinh, square with your picture on it" replies the Policeman sarcastically.....

" Ah" says the woman and hands over her makeup mirror.....
 
OP
OP
L

LLB

Guest
Cunobelin said:
Woman is stopped by Police and asked for her licence....

"License?" she queries

"Small thinh, square with your picture on it" replies the Policeman sarcastically.....

" Ah" says the woman and hands over her makeup mirror.....

Meow :biggrin:
 
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