Any amateur detectives in the house?

[mickle]

A very dear friend of ours is being driven completely around the bend by her ex. We long ago came to the conclusion that he's a sociopath - the kind of person who is so utterly twuntish in everything he does that you wonder how he has managed to live this long without someone doing him in. Recently his behaviour has got worse and we, her friends and family, feel powerless to do anything to help her. The police are very sympathetic but he walks a fine line and they can't nail him for anything. He's been warned off with a caution for harrassment but we wouldn't put anything past him.

Very worryingly it has recently come to light that he was once an inmate of Aycliffe, the daddy of all young offender's secure units, used to contain the most 'challenging' young offenders. People like Mary Bell, the Bulger killers etc.

How would one go about uncovering what he was convicted for - given that minor's identities are protected? If it's even possible. We'd really just like to know.

 

[Bman]

Im not an amateur detective (do they even exist outseide american TV Shows?!). But....

http://www.crb.homeoffice.gov.uk/using_the_website/new_organisation.aspx

Could you hire him as something like a child minder and request a CRB check?

 

[Steve H]

You could find a private detective who operates in your area.

FindADetective


A lot of these firms have retired police officers in them etc, so should be able to quickly advise what can and can't be found out. Could work out expensive though, if you chose to have someone followed on a medium to long term basis.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Sad situation to be in, but the police have/are doing all they can. If he's been warned for harrassment, then they have a 'line in the sand' to work from, and any future problems are easy to deal with as he has already agreed not to do something (this is part of the warning). So in effect he will commit a offence by doing anything towards your friend.

PLEASE make sure your friend documents and diaries EVERYTHING he does to her, don't trust it to memory. No matter how trivial - him walking past her house, waiting outside work, turning up at cafe's she's in.

Note everything - times/places/dates/clothing/location/time he spent there. It may sound daft, but this is all evidence that a court could use to grant an injunction against him - some more info here

I would advise she changes telephone numbers/facebook/hotmail/email etc to reduce any avenues of contact.

Sadly, when a relationship breaks down 'some' men can't/don't/won't take no for an answer, and outside agencies end up being involved.

Generally speaking, the bloke is acting this way because he has lost control of your friend when the relationship ended, so your friend now needs to send out a clear message - 'It's over, keep away, I will not hesitate to use the legal process against you'

 

[ThePainInSpain]

Don't you have any 'mates' to give him a good talking to (with size 9 boots and a length of 2"x2"{sorry 50mmx50mm}). Or am I being just too unPC and old fashioned. Coz that's how we would have sorted it in the day.

 

[dellzeqq]

Don't you have any 'mates' to give him a good talking to (with size 9 boots and a length of 2"x2"{sorry 50mmx50mm}). Or am I being just too unPC and old fashioned. Coz that's how we would have sorted it in the day.

no, just silly.

The thing, Mickle, is that you simply do not know. I'm not going to dredge up cases of women being attacked and killed by men who pursue them with the idea in mind that the woman has somehow done them wrong - but there are plenty. The biggest mistake that anybody can make in the terrible position your friend finds herself is to think that the worst won't happen - the worst can happen and has happened. You have no assurances. CP's advice is good as far as it goes, but if this person were my friend I'd be suggesting that she makes plans to leave. Sorry.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Like Dell states, yes, to be totally safe, seperation is the only way to be sure. Get away and don't come back. That's a big ask for someone whose only wrongdoing is being in and ending a relationship with a tosser.

I truly wish we could brand/tattoo DV (for domestic violence) on the forehead of people like him. It would ensure they never get into a relationship with anyone else who wouldn't be aware of their past.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Don't you have any 'mates' to give him a good talking to (with size 9 boots and a length of 2"x2"{sorry 50mmx50mm}). Or am I being just too unPC and old fashioned. Coz that's how we would have sorted it in the day.

This should be debated in a thread of it's own in P&L not in the OP thread

 

[ThePainInSpain]

This should be debated in a thread of it's own in P&L not in the OP thread

And thereby hangs the problem, the PCers just sit around debating something. In the meantime the worst happens. Is it so wrong to take decisive action, who's at fault, why should the victim 'leave'?

 

[ComedyPilot]

And thereby hangs the problem, the PCers just sit around debating something. In the meantime the worst happens. Is it so wrong to take decisive action, who's at fault, why should the victim 'leave'?

It is not wrong to take decisive action in self defence, and if the circumstances allow, then a good kicking at the exact time of him doing something that threatens her safety would IMO be ok.

However - a few big blokes with large boots and lumps of wood giving him a (possibly well-deserved) kicking is 2 things: vigilanteism (sp?), and teaching the thug that violence solves problems.

 

[mickle]

Thanks for your replies. She did leave him - three years ago - but not before having a child with him (Doh!). She can't run a mile since he is allowed contact with the child (contact order through the courts).

Thoughts of 'sending the boys round' dominate our thoughts, we'd have no shortage of volunteers either - they're queuing up! I suspect that violence is the only language he understands. (he has no fear of the police, of the courts nor morals, scruples or empathy for any other human being) but I fear that the only thing that would stop him is the kind of kicking you don't get up from and I don't want that on my conscience (or my record) and I will not be dragged down to his level.

If we had the money we'd hire a private detective for her tomorrow.

 

[vernon]

Very worryingly it has recently come to light that he was once an inmate of Aycliffe, the daddy of all young offender's secure units, used to contain the most 'challenging' young offenders. People like Mary Bell, the Bulger killers etc.

You are doing Aycliffe a disservice. I have personal knowledge of the place and and it shares the burden of housing the most challenging young offenders with other secure units. Long term in mates are rotated and offenders like Venables will not have been there for more than eighteen months at a time. He was also a resident at a secure unit a mile or so away from me here in Leeds and at a secure place near Manchester amongst others.

Residence of a secure unit doesn't necessarily confer sociopath status on all of the residents. if you are going to investigate the past of the chap you really need to dig deeper and explore his pre-offending background. Knowledge of the offences does little to explain his current behaviour whereas knowing the pre-offender might well help to explain the present.

I am not being a soft PC advocate as I firmly believe that the background of an offender might explain the recidivistic behaviour but it doesn't justify it.

I'm just not sure what you have to gain by finding out what the convictions were.

 

[ComedyPilot]

You are doing Aycliffe a disservice. I have personal knowledge of the place and and it shares the burden of housing the most challenging young offenders with other secure units. Long term in mates are rotated and offenders like Venables will not have been there for more than eighteen months at a time. He was also a resident at a secure unit a mile or so away from me here in Leeds and at a secure place near Manchester amongst others.

Residence of a secure unit doesn't necessarily confer sociopath status on all of the residents. if you are going to investigate the past of the chap you really need to dig deeper and explore his pre-offending background. Knowledge of the offences does little to explain his current behaviour whereas knowing the pre-offender might well help to explain the present.

I am not being a soft PC advocate as I firmly believe that the background of an offender might explain the recidivistic behaviour but it doesn't justify it.

I'm just not sure what you have to gain by finding out what the convictions were.

Ditto - what's done is done, she's left him, he's been warned to stay away/ not harrass, so digging his past up will only make 'Monday morning quarterbacks' out of you all - and can only provide you with fuel to hate him more - if that's possible.

3 years sine they split makes the situation a little safer - if he'd only just been given the heave ho, then that's a more dangerous time.

Support her, advise her in her best interests to be civil to him, but keep him at arm's length is all you can do.

 

[mickle]

As time goes on he gets worse, not better.

We know he was neglected and poorly treated as a child, abandoned by his parents yada yada. We would just like to know if he's a murderer or a baby rapist. We would like to find out because we want to know exactly what we are dealing with. He has regular contact with a very young child. Our friend - his ex - is his reluctant victim, the child is the weapon he uses to attack her.

 

[ColinJ]

These people are really scary. Someone I know had a child with a dodgy character who ended up in prison. She considered the relationship over and started a new one. When the father of the child got out of prison, he went round to the woman's house and knocked on her door. When she opened it, he pushed straight in, took one look at the new boyfriend, calmly walked to the kitchen, picked up a large knife and stabbed him to death with it in front of the woman and the child.

The killer was found not guilty of murder on the grounds of diminished responsibility and was sent to a secure hospital for treatment. A couple of years later, he'd apparently undergone some kind of miracle cure and is out roaming the streets again. The woman now lives in constant fear that he will track her down...