Any good jokes ... ?

[BigSid]

A husband texts his wife: "Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They’ve checked me, done some tests, and took an X-ray. The blow to my head is serious. I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, and a dislocated knee."
His wife texts back: "Who is Paula?"

 

[tyred]

 

[screenman]

A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?"

 

[Alex H]

 

[Alex H]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Blimey, had a bus stop named after me!

 

[Cavalol]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

 

[BigSid]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

 

[tyred]

 

[AndyRM]

Has anyone woken Green Day up yet?

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Alex H]

 

[Dave7]

I cannot believe I forgot to go to the gym this morning.
That's 5 years in a row now.

 

[Alex H]

 

[tyred]