Aren't I the proud parent.

[walker]

if he likes the playstation and you cut the plug you could talk to him and see if he would like to get invloved in

a) Electrician, that way he can learn to put the plug back himself

a games developer, he can make his own games to put on his playstation.

I think you need to reach out to his good points, try not to be patranizing (is that how you spell it)

Either that or try and get him to see someone as in all honesty he sounds a little troubled.

 

[ChrisKH]

I can't speak for all the parents who have model children and I would never judge as I may be in your position one day. I personally went through a period at that age of being lazy, going out with my girlfriend (now wife) failing A-levels, etc. Some of it was me and some of it was my parents who didn't care that much. The fact is you do care and all you can do is keep up your end of the bargain of being as good a parent as you can.

I wouldn't tell your wife but handle it when she comes back. Maybe make some plans to sit down with your son with your wife for a proper heart to heart, with a view to being less critical but open-minded to see if you can steer him in a positive way going forward. If your son has a gift for figures, regardless of how much he has in the way of qualifications, why not push him towards Accountancy? Frankly if I can do it, anyone who is interested can and you can start right at the bottom (GCSE re-takes if necessary), then progress through AAT (Accounting Technician) or ACCA, CIMA, ACA, etc. All with a view to getting a job in that field. Just a thought.

I got arrested once myself by the way. It's not the end of the world. Try and stand by him though as he may be feeling pretty much alone at the moment. Even if he is being a little git.

 

[col]

I tried to think of something that might have been helpful,but i couldnt.After reading others replies i think there is some good advice there,sorry i couldnt be more helpful.The one thing i did think about,was not letting your wife know until she returns.No point in spoiling her hols.Good luck,i hope things improve for you soon.Your son sounds like a bright lad,im sure once he realises the upset and dissapointment he is causing you,it will make him change his ways.good luck

 

[alecstilleyedye]

my bro in law got caught shoplifting in his teens. he's a perfectly regular bloke, and has been since i've known him (since age 23). your son can, i'm sure, pull out of this apparent nose dive.

i'm not going to offer advice with no experience, but i do wish you both luck.

 

[Kirstie]

What stage of school was he at when he left? Did he get any GCSEs? Does he still keep in touch with his friend (the one he used to compete with in Maths and Physics) who left school?

 

[MarkF]

I can honestly empathise with you (see hitting children thread in soapbox) and it is a bloody horrible experience. Been down the PS2 route too, but I took the fuse out and if I, as an electrician can't fix it, then it really must be f****d

My situation ended in violence, that violence left us both shocked but fortunately (very) the change is my son has been absoluetly amazing. He's gone from a back chatting, know everything, violent thug to a "normal kid", of course I was sceptic the first week or so but it's 6 weeks now and the change is remarkable, he's getting "stars" at school for the first time in his life, it's usually red or yellow cards!

I would not recommend violence, but he was ruining my life, my wifes and the two younger children's, the house was constantly "on edge". We had exhausted all the avenues our liberal society allows, we had tried everything. Our other two are angels so people who blame the parents do my head in!

If the violence had not occcurred then I have no idea what would have happened, we would probbaly have had a miserable life just counting down the days till we could have legally thrown him out. Of course I was lucky the violence could have made things very, very much worse but he is a bright kid and I think he's changed for good.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[ChrisKH]

"so people who blame the parents do my head in!".

In my experience they invariably have no children, only girls, or one boy, one girl or they're a social worker. And the boy's are always angels. I sypathise MarkF. In many respects it's a lottery when you have kids. If my two (boys) are anything to go by, one is an angel and the other is the devil incarnate at times. We're hoping he will calm down as he gets older.

 

[johnr]

I was kicked out of school at 17, had skirmishes with the law, failed exams I should have passed and was at war with everyone for a few years. Once the 'success' rule book was torn up, I had to make my own way. I had a few low paying jobs, travelled the world for a while. Came home and took A levels part time, went to college.

In retrospect (I'm in my mid-50s now) it was the making of me. I retain a healthy distrust of authority, have worked in jobs I wanted to do rather than was stuck in, have retained an openness to new experiences (which among other things led me into cycling at about 50) and have always been surrounded by friends with a restless interest in engaging with the world and what it has to offer.

The only advice I modestly offer, is to make sure your son knows that though you might not like him much at the moment, you will always love him and he will always have a place in your lives.

I learned more in my first year after leaving home than in any time before or since, but the few quid my alienated parents slipped me when I wasn't coping got me through more than once: I'm not sure I said thank you at the time.

If he's got the brains to be top of the class when he's challenged, he'll skate exams (I got As) when he decides he wants to.

Hope this helps.

 

[Cathryn]

Massive sympathy here. No pearls of wisdom - I have no sprogs and was clearly a model child myself, but I wonder if a chat with the police might be the kick up the bottom your son needs? A serious chat now might nip things in the bud. But as I said, much sympathy from me.

 

[MarkF]

The only advice I modestly offer, is to make sure your son knows that though you might not like him much at the moment, you will always love him and he will always have a place in your lives.

That is great advice. Even at his absolute worse, I have always told him I love him and will always do do, the response has often been "I really, really f*****g hate you".

I can't describe how much that cuts me. But I still tell him.

 

[Paulus]

The only advice I can offer as a parent of two teenage kids is this, Try to find something they actually like doing and try to channel their energies towards those things. My son at the age of 15/16 was a bit wayward but joined a local kayak club with a friend and found he was good at it. He is now a level 4 coach, teaching others on white water and the open sea and is now a police officer. It may be hard for us as parents to see our kids drifting a bit, but we have to remember that most kids need some guidence from time to time, and it is up to the parents to try and give that guidence. Not all kids will respond in the positive, but keep at it and hopefully most will come out at the end as reasonable people.

 

[Noodley]

"so people who blame the parents do my head in!".

In my experience they invariably have no children, only girls, or one boy, one girl or they're a social worker.

sorry, run that one by me again

 

[got-to-get-fit]

cant you get him interested in the forces....? discipline, fitness, direction....all that.
he sounds like an intelligent kid...
i feel for you mate!