Bad Sex

[Crackle]

Former Blue Peter presenter, Janet Ellis, is in the running this year with this corker

“‘Anne,’ he says, stopping and looking down at me. I am pinned like wet washing with his peg. ‘Till now, I thought the sweetest sound I could ever hear was cows chewing grass. But this is better.’ He sways and we listen to the soft suck at the exact place we meet. Then I move and put all thoughts of livestock out of his head.”

It's not alone though and it's well worth reading the rest of the article

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/nov/17/bad-sex-awards-shortlist-blue-peter-janet-ellis

 

[Tin Pot]

bad sex is better than none at all

I'm not sure this is always true.

 

[CanucksTraveller]

I liked some of the 2014 entries, and I'll now forever be hoping to "step into someone, furious."

 

[swee'pea99]

Of course, other wise it ends up like this:

What, you leave it in the sun for a bit and it ends up chicken-shaped? Blimey. Glad I've always erred on the side of modesty,

 

[ColinJ]

As the randy Roman emperor didn't quite say ... "Vidi, vici, veni"!

 

[wheresthetorch]

"She was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask"

 

[winjim]

"She was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask"

If you're distilling under reduced pressure, that might be not very hot at all.

 

[marknotgeorge]

I'm thinking of writing an erotic novel. Gonna call it: "Fifty shades if magnolia."

Bondage in a rental property?

 

[hondated]

Blimey that's a relief. when I read the title of this thread I thought my wife had hacked my CC account !

 

[Shut Up Legs]

It reminds me of this, an annual favourite of mine: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2016win.html

 

[ColinJ]

It reminds me of this, an annual favourite of mine: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2016win.html

Ha ha - I think I will return to that every year too!

 

[John the Monkey]

"It was a dark and saucy night..."

 

[Drago]

It's not that bad. Certainly above the Mills and Boon "and he thrust his pulsating love muscle deep within her quivering passion pouch..." sort of pap.

 

[John the Monkey]

It's not that bad. Certainly above the Mills and Boon "and he thrust his pulsating love muscle deep within her quivering passion pouch..." sort of pap.

 

[jefmcg]

It's not that bad. Certainly above the Mills and Boon "and he thrust his pulsating love muscle deep within her quivering passion pouch..." sort of pap.

Yeah, no. They don't have sex in M&B. Maybe Harlequin, I don't know.


(I once read 3 M&B just to see, and because they are short and I was at a ski lodge with a poor selection of books. Basically the same plot - Pride and Prejudice. I assume therefore that is the plot of all their novels)