Battle of the Tap: Final result - victory!

[icowden]

I replaced the Kitchen tap today. It had been leaking - I've replaced the cartridges 3 times and now the leak was coming from the swivel joint on the main tap as well.
So - I got meself a new tap from Victorian Plumbing (this one for the curious).

Anyway, isolator valves off, old tap removed - took me about 10 minutes. My optimism was at peak.
The first thing I notice is that my father in law (who installed the tap I had removed) had tapped out a hole but only enough to get the tap in. New tap requires a properly circular hole. So - out with the Dremel and a porcelain sanding bit, and 10 minutes later I have an appropriate hole.

I check the instructions for the tap. These state that I should fit the hot and cold tails to the tap prior to installing - helpfully they don't tell you which connector is the hot, and which the cold. They also don't state the order in which the rubber washer, metal washer and tapseat should be installed. As the tapseat as a rubber seal and the picture doesn't show anything else on the top side of the sink, I go for the sensible order.

The tap is placed carefully into the tap seat and everything squeezes through the hold - just about..

I enter the cupboard under the sink. I realise I am now 52 years old and this is not comfortable. I put the rubber washer on. I put the metal washer on... oh... hmmm... ah...
The metal washer does NOT fit over the three hoses plus the metal rod holding the Y joint for the hot and cold.
Neither does the collar that is going to secure the tap. I try various ideas for 15 minutes or so.

The washing machine beeps significantly at me to tell me that the pump has yet again broken down. I swear.
The next phase of the tap installation involves me trying to drain the washing machine and then run a rinse cycle but getting to the machine in time to drain the water so that the spin cycle starts.

I come to a decision. I pull the tap out and remove the tails. Tap goes back. I can now get the washer and securing collar on. The collar is very wide. The space that I have available is NOT WIDE. I can't do the f(*&^*&(^ )*&*&ing collar up. I enlist the younger daughter (17) after assessing that she is the most likely person who will actually help me. We begin a system of twist the tap while i hold the collar and then twist it back while I turn the collar. This is painful and my hands now hurt. We get the tap to a point of stability that I am happy with although it could still be a bit tighter IMHO.

Now all I have to do is get the tails back in. Hot tail goes in easily. PTFE on the threads to connect to the isolator - lovely. Cold tail has NO INTENTION of being installed.

Having now mastered the art of contortionism I manage to get both hands behind the sink with the backboard cutting into them and use one hand to push the Y connector a little so that the cold tail can get into the socket which the Y connector partially obscures. I finally manage to get it secure and use a tiny spanner (held in my teeth up to now) to give it a final turn.

I started at 11:00. I finished at 17:15 (I did have a run to the laundrette in the middle of this. Older daughter volunteered but only if I went with her and did everything - which in my book didn't really help).

Having fit the tap I am now realising that I don't have the elysian plumbing in the brochure with the hot and cold feeds a foot apart so that the pull out hose can dangle freely between them. Pull out currently occasionally gets caught on the pipework. I may have to improvise some sort of plastic cover for the pipework. Sigh.

Beware taps. Bar stewards all.

 

[Fastpedaller]

Enter my previous World (now a retired plumber). Some can be real 'mare (usually due to whoever installed the kitchen.)
A few years ago I had a call from a customer who'd given up trying to fit his kitchen taps. This should have rung several bells! When I arrived and took a look under the sink, it became clear why he had such an issue. They were separate taps with flexible connectors and behind a belfast/butler type sink (very deep 'traditional sink). The taps were positioned throught the wood worktop with a very small gap 40mm? between the sink and the wall behind. The kitchen was a VERY expensive 'custom' installation - the 60cm cupboard beneath the sink had clearly been fitted in position , followed by the worktop (complete with taps and flexis already fitted), followed by the sink. A horizontal piece of wood was glued in front of the sink onto the worktop (making it impossible to remove the sink ), and a vertical divider glued and screwed between the wood and the base. After removing the two door ball - catches on the vertical upright, I was able to squeeze my torso into the 8 and a bit iches gap on one side. getting a wrench onto the hex nuts to be able to turn them was almost impossible! After 40 minutes I stated " If I can't get these off in the next 20 minutes, I'll have to give up and suggest you contact the guys who fitted it without any attention to how anyone could replace the taps." Eventually I got them off. Bruised on the chest and exasperated, I then set about fitting the new ones - this was only achieved very slowly and with the assistance of the customer turning the taps the last 1/4 turn whilst I held the nut stationary with the wrench. I'd given him a price, which I didn't increase, and he gave me a £5 tip. I've found one problem with separate taps is that most customers use them brutally - tightening them much more than is necessary, it's as if they don't appreciate that the water in the spout will always clear after the tap is turned off, so they 'want' the water to cease instantly. Coupled with flexible hoses, the nuts can loosen when the tight tap is then opened (a case for threadlock?) Rigid copper supply pipes offer additional resistance to turning and prevent the nuts loosening. Two months after I fitted the taps, the customer rang and asked me to fit an outside tap for gardening, which I did, and he again gave me a £5 tip and recalled the tough job. A year on, he 'phoned me and said the taps had come a bit loose and could I tighten them! I said I'd need to make a charge for doing it, but he wanted it done for free. I suggested he contact the very highly paid fitters who created the problem with their poor design/fitting of the kitchen. He left a terrible review (of me, not the kitchen fitters) on the YELP (Yellow Pages reviews), stating I'd only fitted the taps 3 months previously. I supplied the invoices to YELP and related the story and they immediately removed his review.
Thankfully I never had similar with any other customers, but it reinforced my view that the more a customer pays for a 'bespoke' kitchen, the less likely they are to complain because they are convinced (by the price) they are getting a premium product.