Bereavement

[Fubar]

Both my parents died of terminal cancer, mum when i was under 10 and my dad a few years ago .
No one to talk about it too and i have always had difficulty making friends and interpersonal stuff i put it down to not letting anyone in enough so i cant get hurt , counseling was not about in the 70`s and i had to get my dad out of his grief and back to work .

I remember being offered counselling when my wife died, a guy turned up with a silk scarf round his neck (curiously putting me on edge straight away), he was a bit of a wet blanket and proceeded to talk about how i must be "glad" she had died - I politely said this isn't for me and he left. I can understand how it would affect your interpersonal relationships at such a young age, I think if you get good counselling it might help, but sometimes just living your life is counselling enough.

 

[fossyant]

Tough to deal with as she is obviously suffering too but seems to have unrealistic expectations - does she get any support?

She has carers in 4 times a day, morning, lunch, tea and bed time. She doesn't half have us running about. Was round again today as it was urgent that the back room TV was working. Replaced it with a flat screen she has in the conservatory, after having to go out and get a longer ariel cable, then the ruddy remote wouldn't work, so had to swap that TV with one upstairs. Then had to remove the old tv off the wall then order a new remote.

She's basically given up, or did some years ago after her stroke. She gets upset when she sees other elderly people getting about, even someone on her Monday club has similar issues to her and she manages.

 

[Fubar]

She has carers in 4 times a day, morning, lunch, tea and bed time. She doesn't half have us running about. Was round again today as it was urgent that the back room TV was working. Replaced it with a flat screen she has in the conservatory, after having to go out and get a longer ariel cable, then the ruddy remote wouldn't work, so had to swap that TV with one upstairs. Then had to remove the old tv off the wall then order a new remote.

She's basically given up, or did some years ago after her stroke. She gets upset when she sees other elderly people getting about, even someone on her Monday club has similar issues to her and she manages.

Hard but you might have to start refusing to her instant demands, though arranging to go round maybe set days of the week - I remember after my mum died my dad struggled to cope and if we were down south and he heard about an accident he'd be phoning in a panic thinking it was us. I used to get a bit annoyed at him phoning all the time but would give anything for one more phone call.

 

[Mrs M]

I lost my dad in 1993, 2 months before my wedding.
He had been going to GP and being fobbed off for months, prescribed benylin for a "wee cough" and refused a sick note, accused of malingering!!!!
I went home one time for the weekend and waited for dad to join us for lunch, always late! Lol. At the bookies!
Did't recognise him, so grey and old looking, told mum he wasn't well and to take him to doc.
Sister took him to doc next week as he could barely walk, straight to hospital.
A "wee touch of terminal lung cancer"
Disgusted at the way a proud, fit, hard working man was treated by our great NHS.
So hard to share this, my dad.

 

[Mrs M]

I lost my dad in 1993, 2 months before my wedding.
He had been going to GP and being fobbed off for months, prescribed benylin for a "wee cough" and refused a sick note, accused of malingering!!!!
I went home one time for the weekend and waited for dad to join us for lunch, always late! Lol. At the bookies!
Did't recognise him, so grey and old looking, told mum he wasn't well and to take him to doc.
Sister took him to doc next week as he could barely walk, straight to hospital.
A "wee touch of terminal lung cancer"
Disgusted at the way a proud, fit, hard working man was treated by our great NHS.
So hard to share this, my dad.

Passed away 6 weeks later, aged 60.
Never knew his grandson and granddaughter, would have been so chuffed with them.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Disgusted at the way a proud, fit, hard working man was treated by our great NHS.

It was the same for my partner, GP kept telling him he had a cold for months, while he had terminal lung cancer.
After months of this we went to the hospital, he could barely walk but drove himself, he died 3 weeks later.
I hate that doctor's practice so much that can't bear to go near it, even after 11 years.

 

[Fubar]

I lost my dad in 1993, 2 months before my wedding.
He had been going to GP and being fobbed off for months, prescribed benylin for a "wee cough" and refused a sick note, accused of malingering!!!!
I went home one time for the weekend and waited for dad to join us for lunch, always late! Lol. At the bookies!
Did't recognise him, so grey and old looking, told mum he wasn't well and to take him to doc.
Sister took him to doc next week as he could barely walk, straight to hospital.
A "wee touch of terminal lung cancer"
Disgusted at the way a proud, fit, hard working man was treated by our great NHS.
So hard to share this, my dad.

One thing I've learned since working in the nhs is that gp's know a lot less than we think - really really tough to take. I think there is something in that generation that made them not want to force the issue with a gp who is "supposed to know everything", I know my mum and dad were like that. Disgusting that he was accused of malingering! We are also dealing with the fall out of Forth Valley, unbelievable how internal squabbles impacted on peoples lives.

Sorry to hear about your dad, sounds like he was an interesting man.

 

[Mrs M]

It was the same for my partner, GP kept telling him he had a cold for months, while he had terminal lung cancer.
After months of this we went to the hospital, he could barely walk but drove himself, he died 3 weeks later.
I hate that doctor's practice so much that can't bear to go near it, even after 11 years.

Yep, even 20+ years on I am so angry, they made a "wee mistake" oops, my dad died.

 

[Fubar]

Passed away 6 weeks later, aged 60.
Never knew his grandson and granddaughter, would have been so chuffed with them.

I bet he would.

 

[Fubar]

It was the same for my partner, GP kept telling him he had a cold for months, while he had terminal lung cancer.
After months of this we went to the hospital, he could barely walk but drove himself, he died 3 weeks later.
I hate that doctor's practice so much that can't bear to go near it, even after 11 years.

I doubt you'll ever forget that, still remember what the "councillor" said to me - glad I don't see him around!

 

[Mrs M]

Thanks, he was a gent, a very quiet, educated, old fashioned type who insisted on paying for our wedding, even though we had been living "in sin" for 5 years!
Sadly that paid for his funeral instead.
My next door neighbour is the same age as he would have been now and I am still so angry at how many years he didn't have to enjoy.

 

[Fubar]

Thanks, he was a gent, a very quiet, educated, old fashioned type who insisted on paying for our wedding, even though we had been living "in sin" for 5 years!
Sadly that paid for his funeral instead.
My next door neighbour is the same age as he would have been now and I am still so angry at how many years he didn't have to enjoy.

I'll bet. There ARE some fantastic doctors out there, but still too many who arrogantly think they are never in the wrong and if they make a mistake so what? They're insured. P.s. I'm NOT a doctor!

 

[Mrs M]

I'm so glad you're not a Dr, would probably kick "yer heid in" lol, oops don't know what came over me there!!!!
Yep my current GP is a toff but there are so many that don't give a stuff.
My dad respected and trusted without question, I don't, am I a pain in the ass? So what, I'm still alive!!

 

[Fubar]

I'm so glad you're not a Dr, would probably kick "yer heid in" lol, oops don't know what came over me there!!!!
Yep my current GP is a toff but there are so many that don't give a stuff.
My dad respected and trusted without question, I don't, am I a pain in the ass? So what, I'm still alive!!

Nope, you should ALWAYS question and challenge a doctor!

 

[Pat "5mph"]

My next door neighbour is the same age as he would have been now and I am still so angry at how many years he didn't have to enjoy.

I am aware that lung cancer is what it is, probably my partner would have passed away in the same time frame no matter what, but quite a bit of unnecessary suffering could have been avoided with an earlier diagnosis, also we could have had time to say goodbye when he was still lucid.
Mind, in hindsight I can't say if knowing earlier would have been a blessing or another, worse hell. Still, the GP should have seen the signs.