best Dad jokes...

[buggi]

after years of putting up with my dads predictable jokes, i got him back with a corker... Sat in the chair, he was on the settee and i extended a tape measure til it was touching his ear. After poking it in his ear for a bit while he watched tv, he swiped it away for about the 5th time and said, "what the hell are you doing". (he was quite annoyed by this point).

i said....

"measuring your patience".

Boom! Tish! My mum was well amused.

 

[Profpointy]

after years of putting up with my dads predictable jokes, i got him back with a corker... Sat in the chair, he was on the settee and i extended a tape measure til it was touching his ear. After poking it in his ear for a bit while he watched tv, he swiped it away for about the 5th time and said, "what the hell are you doing". (he was quite annoyed by this point).

i said....

"measuring your patience".

Boom! Tish! My mum was well amused.

Brilliant - I shall try that

 

[fossyant]

Only the daughters could get away with that.

 

[Crackle]

I'm going to put this thread on ignore so that my two don't see it.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

This appeared on my news feed this morning. The smile on the baby's face is priceless. Warning though: DO NOT LOOK AT IT if you are having your lunch!
http://home.bt.com/lifestyle/family/newborn-baby-poops-in-daddys-arms-11363930979014

They seriously need to keep those pictures for his 21st, Wedding day or similar!!

Sorry, but

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Incidentally, is this possibly the first time in history that the words

'Best', 'Dad'

and

'Jokes'

have appeared in the same sentence??

 

[Archie_tect]

During a long and baffling argument about nothing much between the oldies in the family Master A_T started looking around under the table... after a while they couldn't help but ask what he was looking for, to which he replied, "The will to live."

 

[Archie_tect]

Master A_t also listened carefully and patiently to one of the oldies telling him in great detail how the budgie understood everything said to it, and that it was because it was so intelligent, to which he replied, "It's all relative".

 

[Profpointy]

During a long and baffling argument about nothing much between the oldies in the family Master A_T started looking around under the table... after a while they couldn't help but ask what he was looking for, to which he replied, "The will to live."

Reminds me of a tale a mate of mine had about a bloke doing National Service with him (Finland, not that long ago). This other chap seemed decidedly odd, and was rather creepily searching their bunk room more or less continually. After a few weeks of this he was deemed to be a bit loopy and duly sent back home.
His discharge papers arrived and the chap says, "at last, I have found it" !

 

[vernon]

Not directly child and parent but child and adult in loco parentis.

My colleague's daughter was mucking about in one of her lessons and her rather smug self congratulatory probationary teacher walked over and pointed a ruler at her and said: 'There's an idiot at the end of this ruler'

Her response of, "Which is that then?" reduced the class to tears of laughter, outmanoeuvred the teacher and earned her a detention.

 

[Roadhump]

Not directly child and parent but child and adult in loco parentis.

My colleague's daughter was mucking about in one of her lessons and her rather smug self congratulatory probationary teacher walked over and pointed a ruler at her and said: 'There's an idiot at the end of this ruler'

Her response of, "Which is that then?" reduced the class to tears of laughter, outmanoeuvred the teacher and earned her a detention.

For some reason that reminds me of the time when the referee at a Rangers game dropped his cards and Paul Gascoigne ran over, picked them up and yellow carded the ref who obviously lacked a sense of humour and promptly booked Gazza for his temerity.

 

[buggi]

LOL i'm still laughing.

a guy at work told me his daughter told him, when he asked her what it was, that "it" was a "cooling strip" and she demonstrated it by putting it on his arm

said the hair on his arm didn't grow back for weeks.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]