Best/funniest song lyrics.

[cookiemonster]

Beastie Boys - Check it out.

'Say doc, what's the condition. I'm a man that's on a mission.

'Say son, you better listen. Stuck in your ass is an electrician.

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iuGp9gUeNk&t=132s

 

[swee'pea99]

Some of the mp3 players I've bought off ebay have come loaded with music, much of it new to me. Which is how I came across Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson - an Aussie comic whose lyrics certainly don't belong on a family friendly forum, but whose "I've had an absolutely awful day", give or take, is definitely among the funnier songs I've heard.

Best/funniest is trickier, but I think Dr Hook's Freakers Ball must be up there, with lines like

White ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones
Necrophiliacs looking for dead ones
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

And if you think that's not suitable for a family friendly forum, you obviously haven't listened to cobber Wilson yet.

 

[FrankCrank]

One from the king of angst:

"I've had my face dragged in fifteen miles of sh*t - and I do not like it"

 

[gbb]

Alice Cooper, Unfinished Sweet (I think) ..
'Your teeth are ok but your gums gotta go'

 

[RichardB]

Used by John Denver and Ray Stevens:

🎶 "Get your tongue outta my mouth because I'm kissing you goodbye..." 🎶

That is savage.

 

[Venod]

I once saw a duo in the pub, they were called The Celtic Cross. I think they came from Accrington, they did a song with great lyrics called.
"Stuck down in Poundland with 99p"
The fact that I had probably had about six pints may have had a lot to do why I found it funny.

 

[Chris S]

"Two little boys ..."
On second thoughts, forget that.

 

[yo vanilla]

The funniest lyrics ever written. Be warned - definitely not safe for work!

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X_PyiVW0Ylw

First thing that came to mind was something Bloodhound Gang

 

[yo vanilla]

Or else...

"Spicy was big, burly and strong
His pipes were gigantic
AND SO WAS HIS SCHLONG!!!"

-Dropkick Murphys

 

[gom]

Bonzos: Intro and Outro; Big Shot; Mr Apollo

 

[RichardB]

Bonzos: Intro and Outro; Big Shot; Mr Apollo

"Normally, I pack a rod. In pyjamas, I carry nothing but scars from Normandy Beach."

"She was dressed as Biffo The Bear. In that kind of outfit, she could get rolled at night. And I don't mean on a crap table!"

One of the greatest sources of satisfaction in my life is that my daughter likes the Bonzos as much as I do.

 

[gom]

"Normally, I pack a rod. In pyjamas, I carry nothing but scars from Normandy Beach."

"She was dressed as Biffo The Bear. In that kind of outfit, she could get rolled at night. And I don't mean on a crap table!"

One of the greatest sources of satisfaction in my life is that my daughter likes the Bonzos as much as I do.

"Have you got a light mac?' 'No, but I've got a dark brown overcoat.'

 

[RichardB]

"Have you got a light mac?' 'No, but I've got a dark brown overcoat.'

Tink, tank, tonk ... CHONGGGG!

(If you've heard it, you will know.)

 

[Chris S]

This whole song is rather amusing, unless you've suffered Ryan Air personally.

View: https://youtu.be/uVASZ2lCY5Y

 

[AndyRM]

This is massively NSFW, but always makes me laugh...

GWAR - F*ckin an Animal

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCNYK_9hKDk