Clever Song Lyrics

[Yellow Fang]

David Watts by the Kinks. Sounds like David Watts has his own problems; at least it was a problem in the 60s.

I am a dull and simple lad
Can not tell water from champagne
And I have never met the queen
And I wish I could have all that he has got
I wish I could be like David Watts

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa

And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Watts
Lead the school team to victory
And take my exams and pass the lot

(Wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
Conduct my life like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
I wish I could be like David Watts

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa

He is the head boy at the school
He is the captain of the team
He is so gay and fancy free
And I wish all his money belonged to me
I wish I could be like David Watts

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa

And all the girls in the neighborhood
Try to go out with David Watts
They try their best but can't succeed
For he is of pure and noble breed

 

[Yellow Fang]

Always liked this lyric by Joy Division:
In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more,
As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,

Didn't like the next couple of lines so much:
And with cold steel, odour on their bodies mad a move to connect,
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I always heard it as "cold steel loader", but when I've read the lyrics it was "cold, stale odour", "cold steel odour" and "cold streel odour" (after anglicising odor). What's 'streel' anyway.

 

[berty bassett]

Ian dury did pen some wonderful lyrics
Poo poo in the prawn always makes me smile

 

[Chris S]

New England. By Billy Bragg

I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them but they were only satellites
Is it wrong to wish on space hardware
I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care

I put you on a pedestal
They put you on the pill

 

[albal]

Morrissey: Trudging slowly over wet sand, back to the bench where your clothes were stolen.

Or anything from Mark E Smith. A British original. RIP

 

[colly]

Al Stewart: Always seemed to me his songs told a story, rather than just a few catchy notes with words smeared around them.

The fishing boats go out across the evening water,
Smuggling guns and arms across the Spanish border.
The wind whips up the waves so loud,
The ghost moon sails among the clouds,
And turns the rifles into silver,
On the border.

On my wall, the colours of the maps are running.
>From Africa, the winds, they talk of changes coming.
The torches flare up in the night,
The hand that sets the farms alight,
Has spread the word to those who're waiting
On the border.

In the village where I grew up
Nothing seems the same.
Still you never see the change
>From day to day.
No one notices the customs slip away.

Late last night the rain was knocking on my window,
I moved across the darkened room, and in the lamp-glow,
I thought I saw down in the street,
The spirit of the century
Telling us that we're all standing
On the border.

In the islands where I grew up,
Nothing seems the same.
It's just the patterns that remain,
An empty shell.
But there's a strangeness in the air you feel too well.

The fishing boats go out across the evening water,
Smuggling guns and arms across the Spanish border.
The wind whips up the waves so loud,
The ghost moon sails among the clouds,
And turns the rifles into silver,
On the border,
On the border,
On the border,
On the border.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2L_OyS21lM

 

[Specialeyes]

Two of my favourites from the OP's near-namesake, Jake:

'I love a good bum on a woman, it makes my day.
To me it is palpable proof of God's existence, a posteriori'
- On Again! On Again!
Seriously, a double-entendre and a latin pun in one, perfect line.

'No longer will her snores ring through the chapel during prayers,
Nor her lustful moanings fill the still o' night,
No more empty bottles of altar wine come clunking from her cell,
No longer will the cloister toilet seat... stand... up...right'
- Sister Josephine

 

[TheDoctor]

But it was long ago, and it was far away
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway, then my soul is just a car
And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.

Again, Jim Steinman and Sir Meat of Loaf.
That song also contains the most succinct character comment I've heard in a song

He was dangerous, and drunk, and defeated, and corroded, by failure, and envy, and hate.

Yes, but did you like him? You're not being very clear!

 

[Seevio]

Lyrics by James Franks, clever but not especially tasteful

3.14
"Lefty? ya, but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun, but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flakey than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
Ass like donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any colour
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispy Treat, gee
You know what I really want in a girl?
Me."

Fire, water, burn
"Yo yo, this hard-core ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice
I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is
So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven
This honkey's gone to heaven
But if I go to hell then I hope I burn well
I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye and Lawrence Welk
And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist
And Webster yeah, Emmanuel Lewis 'cause he's the anti-Christ"

 

[Kempstonian]

Anything by 10cc... but here's a sample:

"The Hospital Song"

Nobody sends me birthday cards
Nobody brings me flowers
I'm just here for operations
I've been out for hours

When I come to I'll wet my bed
'Cos when I get mad I sink so low
As matron knows
I get off on what you give me, darling
I get off on what you give to me
Yeh, I get off on what you give me, darling
I get off on what you give to me

And when I go to that seedy ward
Up in the sky
You'll be waiting
With a hypodermic needle
And a graph

Here comes the dark
(I'm grateful for my anaesthetic)
Out goes the spark
(Delirious and apathetic)

When I come to
I'll wet my bed
And when I get well
I'll take revenge
I'll wreak my wrath
On all blood donors
And their sisters
Visiting time and flowers
When sister brings that bedpan round
I'll piss like April showers

I get off on what you give me, darling
I get off on what you give to me
Yeh, I get off on what you give me, darling
I get off on what you give to me

And when I go
I'll die of plaster casting love

Or any one from here: https://www.azlyrics.com/19/10cc.html

 

[Kempstonian]

If you would rather listen to it

 

[Kempstonian]

"Clockwork Creep"

"I'm a clockwork creep
And I can't get to sleep
They wind me up and let me go
And I can't unwind
Going out of my mind
My time is coming soon you know"

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

"I'm a jumbo jet
With a brand new set
Of passengers and bags and crew
I'll spread my wings -
Do a thousand things
To prove how good I am to you"

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

Meanwhile in the cargo of escargot
The temperature is rising
Advertising that our time is running
Down, down, down, down, down
Oh with just one minute to live
Oh, no you'll never get me up in one of these again
'Cos what goes up must come
Down, down, down, down, down
Down, down, down, down, down

Oh, the gravity of the situation
It's only my willpower
That keeps this thing in operation
But we're gonna crash that's for certain
The pilot is too busy flirtin'
And he ain't aware
That there's a bomb down there
And if he don't do something it's curtains

"Now just hold on,"
Said the little bomb,
"If you were just to hold my hands
Then time would stop
The plot would flop
And jumbo would be safe to land"

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

My landings are the envy
Of Sabena and Pan Am
From Chattanooga to Japan
I taxi through the airways -
What a swell little plane
What a fine little plane
What a great little plane
I am

"Hang on one sec
I'm a clockwork wreck
And though my fuse is burning slow
Must keep my date to detonate
Goodbye, ta ta, and cheerio

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb
Tick a tick a time bomb

Tick a........."

 

[Kempstonian]

Roland the Roadie and Gertrude the Groupie

Now Roland the roadie was only a toadie
Who set up the lights and the mics for the shows
And Gertrude the groupie was a rock 'n' roll fan
Who stood by the stage door in the rains and the snows
Ok, Roland the roadie met Gertrude the groupie
At a rock concert back in Bayonne... ow...
He tried to seduce her, said he'd introduce her
To all of the Beatles and Stones
So Roland the roadie got Gertrude the groupie
A seat in the balcony above... oh...
And Getrude the groupie felt grateful and groovy
But Roland the roadie felt love
And some folks loves ham hocks and some folks loves pork chops
And some folks loves vegetable soup... yow...
And Roland the roadie loves Gertrude the groupie
But Gertrude the groupie loves groups
She stood up and screamed as the amber spot beamed
On her heroes, so skinny and tall
With their eyelids so droopy and Gertrude the groupie
Now she was in love with them all
Roland the roadie told Gertrude the groupie
To wait and he'd be her man... oh...
But while he dreamed of a rose covered home
She was out with the group in the van
Gerty! Gerty!
Come on, baby
Come on out here
I know you're in there!
The whole trailer's moving, baby!
What about me?
Gerty!
Gerty?
Now Roland the roadie is back on the road
His heart has been broken again
And Gertrude the groupie waits out in the cold
For the very next group to come in
And some folks loves ham hocks and some folks loves pork chops
And some folks loves vegetable soup... yeah...
And Roland the roadie loves Gertrude the groupie
But Gertrude the groupie loves groups, groups, groups, groups...
Anybody, baby, anybody...

 

[lazybloke]

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose, buy a jumbo jet and then bury all your clothes. Paint your left knee green then extract your wisdom teeth, form a string quartet and pretend your name is Keith.

 

[slowwww]

Elvis Costello

The salty lips of the socialite sisters
With their continental fingers that have
Never seen working blisters
Oh I know they've got their problems
I wish I was one of them
They say daddy's coming home soon
With his sergeant stripes and his empire mug and spoon
No more fast buck
And when are they gonna learn their lesson
But when are they gonna stop all of these victory processions
And you say
The teacher never told you anything but white lies
But you never see the lies
And you believe
But you know you have been captured
You feel so civilized
And you look so pretty in your new lace sleeves