Cold callers

[classic33]

[Let them listen to this

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xx7tPqmEwg

 

[Fab Foodie]

Ask them to describe their underwear and to rub their phone against it. Usually works but you might get the odd weirdo.

GC

I usually have to pay for that kind of service ....

 

[swee'pea99]

TPS is definitely worth doing. It doesn't stop them - in particular, it has no effect on non-UK calls - but it does (in my experience) reduce them quite a lot.

 

[Jenkins]

Answer the phone with "Hello, Telephone Preference Service. How can I help you?"

I had one lot call me at work and so I asked them how they obtained the number as it was an unlisted Government secure line. (It wasn't but they hung up straight away and I never heard from them again)

 

[Hugh Manatee]

It depends. If it is a, we hear you have had a non fault accident, I sometimes string them along a bit until they ask about injuries. Ooh, pretty nasty I say. In fact I died. I feel a little better today though. They usually hang up then.

Another favourite is to pretend to be a local takeaway. Just ask them for their order. After a bit of confusion I'll start suggesting some of the chef's beat dishes. You can even do accents if you want! Hours of fun.

 

[Vapin' Joe]

Try using a whistle ... And blow it down the phone ..

Doesn't work.

Tell them you're the butler and his lordship is out, or that you don't speak English (In a perfect English accent), or be wildly enthusiastic about the double glazing they're selling and tell them you only want the best, you'll go to a hundred quid.

Or as in the case of the young lady with the "This is Microsoft, we've discovered a security issue..." who phoned me, string her along for five minutes or so then ask her if she indulges in a particularly distasteful bedroom habit.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I usually have to pay for that kind of service ....

I never thought of that, maybe I should be charging the b'stards.

GC

 

[glasgowcyclist]

[Let them listen to this

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xx7tPqmEwg

Sounds like Bart O'Simpson!

GC

 

[classic33]

Sounds like Bart O'Simpson!

GC

She's done a few live on air. Not just about getting her school knocked down

 

[IncoherentJeff]

Most of the time I don't answer a number if I don't recognise it and don't bother ringing back if they don't leave a voicemail.

But every so often they catch me off guard. If they say my name I say they've got the wrong number, if they then ask my name I'll lead them on a merry tall tale. If they're gonna waste my time, I can quite happily waste theirs with semi-believable but completely false answers. Steve McQueen's one of the favourites to give.

 

[Berties]

they get totaly abused at home ,the phone gets past my teenage boys for impressions of any one from borat to the queen,or they say i am in prison or having a poo,or the house has burnt down,its amazing their amagination,conservatory sales men are asked if they can fit them to a third floor flat,and so the banter goes on

 

[ColinJ]

TPS is definitely worth doing. It doesn't stop them - in particular, it has no effect on non-UK calls - but it does (in my experience) reduce them quite a lot.

In which case I would have to be getting more than 10 calls a day without the TPS, because I am getting at least 8-10 with it!

 

[Melvil]

When they ask my if I'm the owner of the house, I say "No, I'm actually burgling the place and you are wasting valuable seconds before the cops come, you to$$er."

Obviously they will call my bluff one day.

 

[DaveReading]

My record for keeping the "Microsoft" scammers on the line is over an hour.

Apart from being enormous fun, it's satisfying to think how many other more gullible victims they haven't been able to call while they've been talking to me.

 

[Lisa21]

Doesn't work.

Tell them you're the butler and his lordship is out, or that you don't speak English (In a perfect English accent), or be wildly enthusiastic about the double glazing they're selling and tell them you only want the best, you'll go to a hundred quid.

Or as in the case of the young lady with the "This is Microsoft, we've discovered a security issue..." who phoned me, string her along for five minutes or so then ask her if she indulges in a particularly distasteful bedroom habit.

I just snorted PepsiMax through my nose at that...