Colonoscopy. Oh joy.

[fritz katzenjammer]

Were I a bum doctor (I think they have a more technical term) then I would be sore tempted to use helium just once for that authentic squeaky bum comedy moment.

I am child.

What is that causes a person with reasonable intelligence to want to be a proctologist ( I think thats the term, bum doctor will do if it isn’t ) I mean.. really… wouldn’t you really rather be a titty doctor or some other much nicer thing?

It the toxic waste dump for crying out loud…

 

[fossyant]

What is that causes a person with reasonable intelligence to want to be a proctologist ( I think thats the term, bum doctor will do if it isn’t ) I mean.. really… wouldn’t you really rather be a titty doctor or some other much nicer thing?

It the toxic waste dump for crying out loud…

Or a Urologist, mainly dealing with old men's issues !

 

[a.twiddler]

It's a sad fact that once you get to a certain age many of us get to meet a plethora of specialists and ologists, get to inspect hi tech scanners and equipment from the business end, suffer the indignities of getting various orifices probed, and get bits snipped off here and there.

Looking at the bright side, at least it's free at the point of delivery. I always wonder at the cost of even basic treatments that we take for granted, in places such as the USA.

I've found that the the NHS treatments that I've had over the years and during lockdown have been excellent and I certainly have no complaints.

 

[oldwheels]

It's a sad fact that once you get to a certain age many of us get to meet a plethora of specialists and ologists, get to inspect hi tech scanners and equipment from the business end, suffer the indignities of getting various orifices probed, and get bits snipped off here and there.

Looking at the bright side, at least it's free at the point of delivery. I always wonder at the cost of even basic treatments that we take for granted, in places such as the USA.

I've found that the the NHS treatments that I've had over the years and during lockdown have been excellent and I certainly have no complaints.

I agree that I have had good treatment over the years and would not be here if it had not been available.
I have had things stuck into every possible and orifice and even had holes cut to get into some other bits as well as being minus some bits which were affected by cancer.

 

[Drago]

I have had things stuck into every possible and orifice

And that was years before you went to hospital!

 

[Cycleops]

You might find this amusing for a bit of light relief:

View: https://youtu.be/Xsb6OeFL91U

 

[lazybloke]

I know someone who had blood in her stools, and had to have a cancerous growth removed from an intestine.

The initial investigations were "from below", but the growth was so high up they had to go in from the mouth.

I assume they gave the 'scope a quick wipe.

I assume they used a different 'scope.

 

[Specialeyes]

Ewww, Plenvu bowel prep is not fun! The speed with which you go from 'I wonder if it's working?' to 'out of my way - code brown, coming through!' is remarkable. Hope all went well.

My post-colonoscopy conversation went:
Colonoscopist: 'is someone coming to collect you?'
Me: 'Yes, my wife - we only live 5 minutes away'
Colonoscopist: 'OK, we'll wait 'til she gets here and we'll have a chat...'

It's bad enough when the Missus says 'we need to have a chat', it's even less fun when it's the camera-up-the-bum lady wanting to discuss that section that went from 'pink and fluffy, yay me for doing such a good job of clearing myself out ' to 'f^&k me, that looks like Wookey Hole'...

 

[a.twiddler]

I agree that I have had good treatment over the years and would not be here if it had not been available.
I have had things stuck into every possible and orifice and even had holes cut to get into some other bits as well as being minus some bits which were affected by cancer.

I imagine that the only way to get a rectal probe for free in the US is to be abducted by aliens.

Meanwhile, it's my ambition to live long enough to collect a full set of -oscopies. Pity they don't let you keep a picture as a souvenir. Though I suppose it's not like Youth Hostelling of old, where you had a stamp from every Hostel you stayed in.

 

[presta]

I've had four. The first three were no bother.

Changed from air to CO2, apparently reduces that effect somewhat.

Or to prevent your bowel exploding if cauterisation ignites the methane perhaps?

the bowel prep was very unpleasant

If you gulp it down quickly it's gone before you have time to taste it.

When I had my first one I'd been taken in a bit too much by all the lurid stories about prepping, so I put on trousers with an elasticated waist, opened all the doors between the loo and my armchair, and then sat there waiting for blast off. But it's a bit of a non-event innit, no sense of urgency at all.

I did enjoy watching my innards on the super size TV !! Fascinating

It surprised me that it was all so clean, and not a sh!tshow.

 

[SpokeyDokey]

What is that causes a person with reasonable intelligence to want to be a proctologist ( I think thats the term, bum doctor will do if it isn’t ) I mean.. really… wouldn’t you really rather be a titty doctor or some other much nicer thing?

It the toxic waste dump for crying out loud…

I am puzzled by your choice of alternative specialism of 'titty doctor' being a much nicer area of specialism.

Body parts that may need medical intervention are surely all pretty much the same to a mature medical professional?

 

[DCBassman]

Ok, all clean and clear, bar diverticulosis appropriate to my age. Good to know that the qFit test was a false positive. But doesn't answer the question of the ongoing serious constipation, six months now. A bit fed up with that. May actually consider @Reynard and Worf's prune juice...

 

[SpokeyDokey]

Ok, all clean and clear, bar diverticulitis appropriate to my age. Good to know that the quit test was a false positive. But doesn't answer the question of the ongoing serious constipation, six months now. A bit fed up with that. May actually consider @Reynard and Worf's prune juice...

Good News DCB.

 

[cisamcgu]

I am puzzled by your choice of alternative specialism of 'titty doctor' being a much nicer area of specialism.

Body parts that may need medical intervention are surely all pretty much the same to a mature medical professional?

*looks around on the floor * Ah, here it is, your sense of humour, you must have dropped it !

 

[SpokeyDokey]

*looks around on the floor * Ah, here it is, your sense of humour, you must have dropped it !

Perhaps you can help me then and explain the joke?