Commuter Racing Official Rules

Discussion in 'Commuting' started by spindrift, 30 May 2008.

  1. spindrift

    spindrift New Member


    Never, ever, acknowledge your opponent


    Keep your breathing inaudible, even if your lungs are bursting


    If you burn up three commuters at the lights and beat them to the brow of the hill, that's technically a win. Any old bugger can cycle downhill, even if one of them passes you smugly going downhill you beat them to the apex so you're the winner
  2. BentMikey

    BentMikey Rider of Seolferwulf

    South London
    Being passed by a recumbent is one of the few things worse than being passed by a girl on a brompton. How I love increasing the speed slowly so they think they have a chance, and then keep on piling on the pressure until they go red in the face and explode!!!
  3. zimzum42

    zimzum42 Legendary Member

    Don't set off all fast from the lights with your novelty gears, cos the dude with the fixie and a massive gear might not start quick, but he'll have you, and he'll leave you for dead!
  4. OP

    spindrift New Member

    But don't even glance at them, stare straight ahead, disregard them totally as you ease past. Quality.
  5. dodgy

    dodgy Guru

    Reminds me of the Fat Cyclist's piece of passing riders and the associated points system :biggrin:

    My favourite - "Hair: If the person you pass has shaved legs, give yourself two extra points. If he has shaved legs and you do not, give yourself four extra points, because he’s going to eat his heart out when he sees that he just got passed by what appears to be a Fred.
  6. BentMikey

    BentMikey Rider of Seolferwulf

    South London
    LOL, that's one good solution! To my thinking, a better one is to chat whilst half-wheeling them, and they can't answer for breathlessness. So mean!! Pity I'm not fit enough to do this to everyone.
  7. OP

    spindrift New Member

    Greeting: A simple “hello” or “How’s it going?” means nothing. Your score does not change.

    Congratulations: A “Hey, nice climbing” or “Keep it up” means that they – unfortunately – bear you no ill-will. Subtract a point from your score.

    Excuses: This is the holy grail of passing someone – they are so deeply humiliated by your passing that they want a chance to explain themselves, usually by saying something about being at the tail end of an all-day ride or being told by their coach they must keep their heartrate under 80. When this happens, smile knowingly as you go by, then double your score because I guarantee the person you just passed will be able to think of nothing else for the next 72 hours.
  8. andyfromotley

    andyfromotley New Member

    Otley, west yorks
    Having blown your chance pulling away from the lights way too quick, a slight but noticeable drift to the offside as they pass often robs them of any chance to gloat........
  9. OP

    spindrift New Member

    Try not to let them see your are stonking down the pedals by minimising your arm grip on the bars. The whole point is to not let them see you working.
  10. Andy Pandy

    Andy Pandy New Member

    You must get extra points for no-hands passing. As you draw level just sit back and adjust you backpack. Managed it once.
  11. Maz

    Maz Guru

    What if you're on a MTB or hybrid and you overtake a roadie in full lycra? Surely that's worth a few points. I've done that a few times.
  12. OP

    spindrift New Member

    I've done that a few times.

    Everyday. OK, I swapped the chunky tyres for Schwalbe marathons but it's such fun to breeze past a roady. Love the no hands idea.
  13. Bollo

    Bollo Chaaaaaa!

    Slightly OT but I think that, if I were organising a sportif or similar, I would pay the local BMX urchins to hang about around the last mile and race participants to the line. The sight of cramp-riddled weekend road-warriors being overtaken by spotty yoofs pulling wheelies is both pitiful and hillarious.

    I speak from bitter, bitter experience.:biggrin:
  14. Trillian

    Trillian New Member

    personally i think i ought to get extra points for overtaking full carbon rigs with lycra clad riders when i'm on a 60's steel rig, jeans, hoodie and backpack on my way into uni.
  15. cupoftea

    cupoftea New Member

    Although I don't advocate racing on the road, grinding another rider into the road can be very satisfying.

    Pass the rider and let them hook onto you’re back wheel, then slowly increase the speed until the drop off the back, then slow up and let them join again, then repeat the process.

    See how many times you can do this before they give up completely. Childish but fun

    PS extra points if you can get them to vomit
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