fudgepanda
Active Member
- Location
- Manchester U.K.
As a new cyclist I'm quite aware of how others may see me, and I don't mean as a fashion icon.
So I thought this recent magazine article may provoke a comment or two. I won't tell where the comments were published. Instead, let's see if anyone can work it out. References to "a plague" are connected to the column above this one.
MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO.
Also in the news was the magnificent victory in the Tour de France by Bradley Wiggins. But just like the wet weather, Bradley's victory has triggered a plague of its own - but this time one that can be supported with hard evidence and seen in Lycra. That Sunday, the roads were suddenly packed out with Spandex Boys getting in everybody's way, and it's been like it ever since. The Olympic victories in the sport just made matters even worse - and it's obvious that there's a link, because you even see Spandex Girls now (they used to be rarer than hen's teeth). The mentality of this class of person is such that finding quiet roads to ride on would be too simple and sensible, as well as lacking the potential attention, so favoured routes include Clearways during rush hour, and complicated junctions where ten roads meet, and traffic lights only let a couple of cars through at at time in the direction the two wheelers will inevitably be going.
Naturally, the Bradley-wannabe in question will wobble their way to the front of queuing traffic in order to cause inconvenience to the maximum number of other road users. And when they move off - very slowly obviously because whatever goes on in their heads doesn't make it down their spinal columns and nerve pathways to their muscles - there will be the inevitable 'mechanical issue' to investigate. This is where they stop pedalling and look down at their feet, possibly even reaching down to attempt to repair the fault. I'm convinced that this is just for show - like when you see people (usually kids) waving in the streets at imaginary friends somewhere in the distance.
The offices of the rat race must be a sight to behold at the moment. As most people will know, 'serious' cyclists have no conscience of any kind - I've already mentioned getting in the way - and that also extends to their personal appearance. You see, not many people in this world can get away with wearing Lycra in any form at the best of times, and especially not when it covers most of their entire body (in fact, most of the current crop of newbies couldn't get away with wearing a tarpaulin in the dark). And I'm sure that the people who designed cycle crash helmets are having a laugh; I can imagine the original brainstorming session going: 'Ooh! And let's make them as bulky as possible so people look like prats!'
My ex-manager (who it has to be said had cemented his position as No.1 Prat in many other ways in the six years I was forced to work for him) used to come in dressed like this most mornings (and once, had to go home again because he'd forgotten that we had an important client coming in and he'd only stuffed 'casual' clothes in his back pack and then DROVE back to work), so I can imagine all the Bradley-wannabes striding through their offices every morning and every evening dressed like idiots, and imagining people are admiring them. I'd like to assure them, they're not.
The author does carry on managing to drag declining social standards into the equation as well. So my invitation to comment includes not only the content of the article but I'd be interested to see if anyone can guess/work out what market the magazine is aimed at.
So I thought this recent magazine article may provoke a comment or two. I won't tell where the comments were published. Instead, let's see if anyone can work it out. References to "a plague" are connected to the column above this one.
MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO.
Also in the news was the magnificent victory in the Tour de France by Bradley Wiggins. But just like the wet weather, Bradley's victory has triggered a plague of its own - but this time one that can be supported with hard evidence and seen in Lycra. That Sunday, the roads were suddenly packed out with Spandex Boys getting in everybody's way, and it's been like it ever since. The Olympic victories in the sport just made matters even worse - and it's obvious that there's a link, because you even see Spandex Girls now (they used to be rarer than hen's teeth). The mentality of this class of person is such that finding quiet roads to ride on would be too simple and sensible, as well as lacking the potential attention, so favoured routes include Clearways during rush hour, and complicated junctions where ten roads meet, and traffic lights only let a couple of cars through at at time in the direction the two wheelers will inevitably be going.
Naturally, the Bradley-wannabe in question will wobble their way to the front of queuing traffic in order to cause inconvenience to the maximum number of other road users. And when they move off - very slowly obviously because whatever goes on in their heads doesn't make it down their spinal columns and nerve pathways to their muscles - there will be the inevitable 'mechanical issue' to investigate. This is where they stop pedalling and look down at their feet, possibly even reaching down to attempt to repair the fault. I'm convinced that this is just for show - like when you see people (usually kids) waving in the streets at imaginary friends somewhere in the distance.
The offices of the rat race must be a sight to behold at the moment. As most people will know, 'serious' cyclists have no conscience of any kind - I've already mentioned getting in the way - and that also extends to their personal appearance. You see, not many people in this world can get away with wearing Lycra in any form at the best of times, and especially not when it covers most of their entire body (in fact, most of the current crop of newbies couldn't get away with wearing a tarpaulin in the dark). And I'm sure that the people who designed cycle crash helmets are having a laugh; I can imagine the original brainstorming session going: 'Ooh! And let's make them as bulky as possible so people look like prats!'
My ex-manager (who it has to be said had cemented his position as No.1 Prat in many other ways in the six years I was forced to work for him) used to come in dressed like this most mornings (and once, had to go home again because he'd forgotten that we had an important client coming in and he'd only stuffed 'casual' clothes in his back pack and then DROVE back to work), so I can imagine all the Bradley-wannabes striding through their offices every morning and every evening dressed like idiots, and imagining people are admiring them. I'd like to assure them, they're not.
The author does carry on managing to drag declining social standards into the equation as well. So my invitation to comment includes not only the content of the article but I'd be interested to see if anyone can guess/work out what market the magazine is aimed at.
