Criteria for avoiding films

[John the Monkey]

If its got Jason feckin' Statham it's going to be shite.

...Although Stath will be the best thing in it by a long way, usually. Shame you'll not have seen the one where he chases his purloined Audi on a bmx - almost up there with Jackie Chan's more surreal moments.

 

[slowmotion]

Anything with Meryl Streep, especially if she's attempting a dodgy foreign accent.

Anything with Daniel Day-Lewis in "going for an Oscar "Serious Actor" mode". Oh Dear.

Anything with a rock star who fancies a spot of acting.

Absolutely all the Arts Cinema stuff that I watched as a student, except Blanche

 

[FrankCrank]

Anything from the USA described as eg "laugh out loud funny" - they never are.

Anything from the USA that lauds just how *leeding qonderful they are at absolutely anything.

Anything from the USA that has a theme of 'leaders of the free world'.

Anything from the USA that involves 'Hollywood Royalty' of the has been variety cashing in with a few crap last payday films.

Anything from the USA with stirring gushy anthemic USA style music that breaks out whenever 'Old Glory' hoves into view.

Anything from the USA that features puke inducing boys aged about 10 with ringlets or bobs.

There's probably more.

....just ban all films that contain 'Mr President'.......

 

[John the Monkey]

just found this and i remember seeing some of these when i was a kid

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_worst

5.5 made me giggle in the list

I watched Birdemic (which features on the list) fairly recently - while it is bad, it's because of a sort of good natured incompetence - it bores more than anything else; Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen (which doesn't feature, and may be the most objectionable film I've watched) is bad because of a wilful, pandering crassness that I found far more "bad", personally.

 

[Bollo]

British comedies are worth avoiding.

Some of Bolletta's synchro skating team played a scene in Nativity 3, but she missed out as she was the wrong age. She dodged a bullet by all accounts, as it was not a well regarded film. Here's the start of Peter Bradshaw's review in the Grauniad...

"Like a John Lewis Christmas ad directed by Satan, the third Nativity movie has arrived on our screens. This is one of those British family comedies that make you want to soil the Union flag with your own faeces in the cinema foyer before setting fire to it."

 

[Dayvo]

I tend to avoid anything from the USA, anything with a car chase and anything likely to have daft explosions.

I would generally tend to to agree with you. However, the chase in French Connection (the first one, IIRC) with Gene Hackman was, IMO, the best and most exciting car chase in the history of film (of the films I've seen).

 

[swee'pea99]

just found this and i remember seeing some of these when i was a kid

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_worst

5.5 made me giggle in the list

A goldmine of brutal reviews. I've only read a few, but I was struck, eg, by this critique of 'Freddie got Fingered':

"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

They are old I know,but I tend not to watch anything regarded as a "Bawdy British Sex Comedy"
Carry On and Confessions Of etc etc.
British comedy in the major was really awful in the 70's and 80's.Terry and June,George and Mildred,Keeeping Up Appearances,The Good Life to name but a few.
And how they got away with Mind Your Language,Love Thy Neighbour and even Rising Damp on a lot of occaisons.
I will never know.
Just so embarrassing

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

I would generally tend to to agree with you. However, the chase in French Connection (the first one, IIRC) with Gene Hackman was, IMO, the best and most exciting car chase in the history of film (of the films I've seen).

The car chase in Ronin with De Niro was my favourite

 

[John the Monkey]

I would generally tend to to agree with you. However, the chase in French Connection (the first one, IIRC) with Gene Hackman was, IMO, the best and most exciting car chase in the history of film (of the films I've seen).

Bullitt must run it close. The latter Fast and Furiouses have a gleeful disregard for the laws of physics that's quite exhilarating.

 

[stephec]

There's a fantastic moment in an old Chow Yun-Fat movie, where Chow runs out of bullets so ejects the magazines from both hand guns and his colleague throws him two fresh magazines that land precisely in the handles of the guns and apparently click into place so he continues firing a moment later.

What's not to like?

And don't complain (not you, @John the Monkey) about subtitles if you've never watch an old HK movie. The law demanded all films be subtitled in English, so companies would do them for $US100. The subtitles are uniformly awful. Even during dialogue in English, the subtitles do not match exactly what is being said, and are sometimes completely nonsensical. Worth it though, for the balletic action scenes and kung fu.

For me that would fall into the category of, 'so bad it's good,' a proper suspend your disbelief and enjoy the entertainment sort of moment.

Do the guns cock themselves as well?

 

[stephec]

That sounds fair, but consider the spurious stuff about the assassination of Kennedy in Stone's film, which many people believe to be true. And the film about IRA prisoners (sorry I forget the title) in which a man and his father met in prison, whereas in life they did not. I can't see the point in embroidering the facts like this, when the facts themselves are interesting enough.

I'm with you on that one, either tell the story as it is, or make one up of your own, and MV illustrates it perfectly below.

like that one about the u-boat... they altered the fact that it was British 'victory' and turned it into an American one

Was that Enigma?

 

[jefmcg]

Was that Enigma?

No, Enigma was the one that excised the Polish contribution to decoding and instead made a Pole the traitor. The only known traitor was British

 

[marknotgeorge]

Was that Enigma?

No, U-571

 

[Dayvo]

The car chase in Ronin with De Niro was my favourite

Bullitt must run it close.

I've not seen either of them. But I win one and lose one!!!

You need to scroll down for the top three.
http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/films/20-ultimate-car-chases