Culinary mishaps

[Arch]

Not disasters, just the little things you think "I should have realised..."

Having run out of interesting stuff and being lazy this morning, my packed lunch consisted of 4 ryvita - 2 sandwiched with cream cheese and 2 with runny honey. Now, I KNEW full well, that the honey was going to run out and all over the inside of my lunchbox, but did that stop me? No.

The other thing I'm reminded of was when I asked my Mum to give me crisp sandwiches in my school lunch. Crisp sandwiches, freshly made, were a supper time favourite.

But put crisps between buttered bread and leave in a lunchbox all morning and crisps are transformed into sullen little discs of soggy potato. Quite revolting, and no joy at all...

 

[domtyler]

We get a delivery of organic fruit and veg once a week, and some time ago my wife made me a lovely Rhubarb crumble out of this miniature Rhubarb that had arrived. Something didn't taste quite right upon eating the first spoonful, kind of like broccoli or something. Never mind, probably just because it's organic I thought and kept smiling down to the last mouthful. After all she'd gone to a lot of effort for me as she is not a rhubarb fan and thus it was only for me.

It was only some time later that I found out that it was in fact Ruby Chard and not Rhubarb. A nice vegetable in its own right although probably not best suited to crumbles.

 

[Fiona N]

What a hero

 

[purpleR]

My colleague sometimes brings in sandwiches for her lunch, and often makes one for me too.

Which is nice of her, but I have had to choke down those gammon, branston and mayo sandwiches once too often. It's actually saved me loads of money because now I have to make my own and make sure I mention it first.

 

[gbb]

Hearts....i dont know which, but me mum used to cook them when we were kids... fabulous.

So......many years later, talking about this, i decided we're having hearts.

Errr, pigs or ox ? How do you cook them ? How long for ?

Never again , you coulda played squash with them. Disastrous

 

[gbb]

My colleague sometimes brings in sandwiches for her lunch, and often makes one for me too.

Which is nice of her, but I have had to choke down those gammon, branston and mayo sandwiches once too often. It's actually saved me loads of money because now I have to make my own and make sure I mention it first.

We had a guy who used to open his pack lunch EVERY day and offer various bits to all and sundry.
'Why dont YOU eat it Jim'

'Dont like it'

'So why bring it then'

'Its the wife...she makes the packup'

'So why dont you tell her you dont like it then...'

'Kin ell no....more trouble than its worth' he said. 'Its easier to give it away'

 

[Intelligenthamster]

Cooking pork chops marinaded in Calvados- a lovely Swiss dish. These are being cooked under a gas grill on a high heat. Halfway through cooking I went to put the bottle away, noticed I only had a small amount of Calvados left.

So I pull out the grill pan and pour the 40% proof hooch over a hot grill pan, with Buncefield-like results.... burned off very quickly and no harm done but I still felt like a right idiot

For any foodies, the dish is finished by heating chopped apples in a small frying pan with more Calvados, placing the apples on top of the chops and topping with Emmantal cheese, and then baking till the cheese melts... delicious!

 

[frog]

I used to work with a bloke who in the dim past was a member of a gang of labourers at Drax B power station. On of the lads had just got married and his wife packed his lunch for him, you know the sort of thing - crusts cut off the sandwiches, best ham etc. The crowing glory to each lunch was an individual Lyons fruit pie, the old fashioned square ones which equated to half an orchard in a feather light crust.

One day they left the newly wed to clear up after a job and got back to the canteen early. One of the gang decided to have some fun. Unknown to the rest he went into the locker room and peeled back the door to the newly weds locker and nicked his lunch.

He joined the rest at their table and wolfed the sandwiches down. Seeing the lad coming down the road he produced the pie and said to my mate: 'Keith, the wifes really gone overboard with the lunch today and I can't manage this pie, do you want it?' Half a minute after that first delightful bite a blood curlding scream came from the locker room.

'Which one of you bastards has nicked my lunch? were the words which only just preceeded the newly wed into the canteen.

It took about two heart beats for everyone to realise what had happened and my mate was suddenly very alone in a room with crumbs around his mouth and hungry newly wed with murder on his mind.

 

[Abitrary]

That sheet of greaseproof paper you get at the bottom of supermarket plastic meat containers? I accidentally put that in my bizgetti bolognaise sauce about one in every five times, and end up throwing the whole lot away.

Bearing in mind I make about 10 portions in one go, it's an awful lot of damage for a little piece of paper to cause.

 

[Maz]

...The other thing I'm reminded of was when I asked my Mum to give me crisp sandwiches in my school lunch. Crisp sandwiches, freshly made, were a supper time favourite.

But put crisps between buttered bread and leave in a lunchbox all morning and crisps are transformed into sullen little discs of soggy potato. Quite revolting, and no joy at all...

Mmmm, crisp sandwiches. I still love 'em to this day. Not the height of sophistication, but who cares.

And, yes, best to eat them freshly made.

 

[Dave5N]

When me and the missus started up together we went for a weekend away in Shropshire. We had dinner out in this restaurant whose gimmick was that you cook your steak yourself on a hotplate griddle thing at the table.

Well maybe it was the wine, maybe the romance, maybe the dim lighting, maybe the dim me, but I misread the 'instructions' and proceeded to put black pepper all over the hot plate before the steak went on.

The whole restaurant had to evacuate while they opened the doors and windows and cleared the fumes.

 

[Keith Oates]

Once cooked a chicken with the plastic bag of the giblets still inside!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Rhythm Thief]

When me and the missus started up together we went for a weekend away in Shropshire. We had dinner out in this restaurant whose gimmick was that you cook your steak yourself on a hotplate griddle thing at the table.

Not The Lion (I think) in Cleobury Mortimer was it? They used to bring a hot stone to your table for you to cook your meat on. As it were.

 

[Dave5N]

Yes it was! Well, I don't know the name of the place now, but it was Cleobury Mortimer.

The pub we stayed in were great. We managed to miss breakfast each morning, so they gave us a free lunch each day instead!

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Nice little place. Me and a mate used to regularly ride there from Wolverhampton, have two big mugs of hot chocolate in the caff, then ride back, egging each other on all the way. Oh, to be that fit again ...