Cycling tips, in rhyme. I'll start:-

[betty swollocks]

Fixing clicks squeaks and rattles
Involves fearsome battles
So, click 'Keep it Quiet'
(It'll do no harm to try it!)

 

[Drago]

When you buy that Ultegra crank
Be sure to stroke it first for a w***.

 

[Drago]

Be sure not to sniff the seat of a Boardman
Unless it's been ridden by Carol Vorderman.

 

[Drago]

Grease your seat post, don't leave it to luck
Or deep in your frame it will become stuck.

 

[Cyclist33]

When shopping for a brand new bike don't just buy the first you like!

 

[Drago]

If the paint is pink on your frame
Then the men down the lay by may think you're fair game.

 

[Drago]

Don't wear a thong while riding the drops
Or out of your undies your danglies will pop.

 

[TVC]

If you buy a set by Shimano,
your gears may as well
be made from guano

 

[roadrash]

my brakes dont work
my chain gets stuck
i dont know how to fix it
im having rotten luck

do i need hi viz
do i need lights
do i need a plastic hat
we will answer all your questions

HERE AT CYCLECHAT

 

[Drago]

A bottle of Horlicks tucked in the cage
Is a pretty sure sign of advancing old age.

 

[Cyclist33]

Pace yourself on hundred milers:
You don't want a heart like Billy Ray Cyrus.

 

[Drago]

Clad out in Lycra never looks neat
Unless the rider can see their own feet.

 

[Drago]

A tartan front pannier attached to the forks
Is the sensible luggage most favoured by dorks.

 

[TVC]

Attempting track stands on your right blinged up fixie
Will just make you look like a massive great pr**k, see?

 

[Drago]

With a headcam and Youtube you may be sure that
The car hating rider is a bit of a pratt.