Cycling tips, in rhyme. I'll start:-

[Cyclist33]

Carbon riders: train harder!
How else you gonna look good on Strava?

 

[Drago]

Be sure to carefully tension your chain
As your nuts on the crossbar will bring you great pain.

 

[Drago]

Be sure to first practice riding in SPuDs
Or else you will fall face first in mud.

 

[betty swollocks]

Cycling shorts should be next to skin,

DO Not wear undercrackers.

Or sudocrem you will need,

To soothe your red-hot knackers.

 

[Cyclist33]

Your bike feels quite uptight. I felt I should mention.
You sure that your spokes haven't got hypertension?

 

[winjim]

Once I had a tyre, I filled it with gas,
Soon got punctured, by a shard of glass,
Changed the inner tube, only to fi-i-ind,
The club's buggered off, and they've left me behind

 

[Drago]

If you fall forward and land on your feet
You can be pretty sure you have broken your seat.

 

[Davos87]

Don't be a prat if you suffer a flat
Take along some patches
Save £s onTaxi despatches


Err maybe not.
Sorry Andrew Sentance

 

[Drago]

If your waistline is swollen with cakes
Then you can guarantee you'll be hard on your brakes.

 

[TVC]

Unclip your cleats before you stop
or at the lights on your arse you will drop.

 

[Angry Blonde]

If your bike clunks and clicks
And squeels and cracks
If your out and about
And on your todd
To solve all these problems
Take your ipod !

 

[Cyclist33]

A word of warning to each and every sprinter:
Slow down on roads you think you know, this winter.

 

[Drago]

Be sure in the dark to display your lights
Or with a burly copper you will fight.

Try to avoid cycling with piles
Or you'll be in misery for miles.

A dirty great scratch on a carbon frames paint
Is well to be sure to make roadies faint.

 

[Dave 123]

I know an old bloke called Clive
Who swigs GT85
For more than 3 weeks
Not rattles or squeaks
In fact he feels quite alive!

 

[Dave 123]

The lady drank WD40
Before doing acts that were naughty
Her nipples were greased
And my Lycra got creased
I've been left with a rash that's all warty