Did I just say that???!!!
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SamNichols
New Member
- Location
- Colne, Lancs
You should've got her number, gone out with her and then married her and had loads of kids. Imagine how often you could tell that story to the kids, the kids friends, the grandkids and various friends - it would be constant comedy gold for years to come: it'd mean that you'd constantly have an anecdote that would make anyone close to you feel humorously uncomfortable for years to come.
Elmer Fudd
Miserable Old Bar Steward
- Location
- Durham, and I am the eejit
Does this mean User76 is a Chutney Ferret ?????????????
- Location
- the post-brexit wasteland
of course the reply should have been "of course not, but if the offer still stands…" 
catwoman
Well-Known Member
- Location
- North London.
Some time ago I was in the supermarket doing my shopping and this angelic looking little girl approached me, smiled and said "Excuse me are you a witch?" to which I replied "Yes". She ran off giggling.
As I went on with my shopping, it was on my mind - why did the little girl ask me if I was a witch? Am I scary to look at or something? Do I look like a witch? I really was beginning to feel a little perturbed about it.
After all, I'm a lady of a certain indeterminate age and can be a little sensitive about these things! 
Later on during my shopping trip, a woman approached me and asked if her daughter had asked me if I was a witch. I told her yes she had and I had replied that I was a witch to her daughter.
She apologised profusely and blamed the incident on her daughter reading a Roald Dahl book where the witch always wears black gloves and wears sunglasses!
I always wear gloves on the bike and in the sunny weather usually wear sunglasses. I always ride the bike to the supermarket.
P.S. The woman found it quite funny that I'd told her daughter that yes, I was a witch.
She ran off giggling.As I went on with my shopping, it was on my mind - why did the little girl ask me if I was a witch? Am I scary to look at or something? Do I look like a witch? I really was beginning to feel a little perturbed about it.
After all, I'm a lady of a certain indeterminate age and can be a little sensitive about these things! Later on during my shopping trip, a woman approached me and asked if her daughter had asked me if I was a witch. I told her yes she had and I had replied that I was a witch to her daughter.
She apologised profusely and blamed the incident on her daughter reading a Roald Dahl book where the witch always wears black gloves and wears sunglasses!
I always wear gloves on the bike and in the sunny weather usually wear sunglasses. I always ride the bike to the supermarket.
P.S. The woman found it quite funny that I'd told her daughter that yes, I was a witch.
SamNichols
New Member
- Location
- Colne, Lancs
Melvil said:
Well, did you remember to do Susan?
- Location
- the post-brexit wasteland
a colleague once told me she would have to "come in her knickers" 
she was actually referring to the fact that she'd been into town at lunchtime to find an outfit to wear to my forthcoming wedding, but had not found anything suitable.
shame the rest of the office weren't in on the innocent explaination
she was actually referring to the fact that she'd been into town at lunchtime to find an outfit to wear to my forthcoming wedding, but had not found anything suitable.
shame the rest of the office weren't in on the innocent explaination
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
Not a sexually orientated story...
Driving to the shops one dark evening. car comes blasting up behind me...and sits 2 feet off my boot for about a mile. I turn off the road ...he follows. I make the next turn...he follows (still 2 feet off my tail). I pull up outside the shop...he pulls up behind me.
Climbed out the car and I said to him as we both walked toward the shop door.....'whats your rush mate'...semi sarcastically.
He said nothing...and I HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HIM
I said....'i dunno why i'm doing this'..as he walked through. Just too damn polite sometimes
Driving to the shops one dark evening. car comes blasting up behind me...and sits 2 feet off my boot for about a mile. I turn off the road ...he follows. I make the next turn...he follows (still 2 feet off my tail). I pull up outside the shop...he pulls up behind me.
Climbed out the car and I said to him as we both walked toward the shop door.....'whats your rush mate'...semi sarcastically.
He said nothing...and I HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HIM
I said....'i dunno why i'm doing this'..as he walked through. Just too damn polite sometimes
Once, instead of starting a saturday training ride I was messing with my position. I stopped on the side of the road - quiet roads on a small estate.
Thought I heard someone approach from behind but thought nowt of it as I had music on the headphones.
Then a lady appeared at my side and her little small dog who was quite cute and he jumped at my leg so I crouched over and stroked him...i mentioned he was a nice little fella.., I then mentioned Ive a dog too to which the lady, who was in her later years said, 'bet you've got a big one'...seconds went by and I frankly replied 'no he's a...etc.etc...
But when I was replying she was a bit embarrassed.
Thought I heard someone approach from behind but thought nowt of it as I had music on the headphones.
Then a lady appeared at my side and her little small dog who was quite cute and he jumped at my leg so I crouched over and stroked him...i mentioned he was a nice little fella.., I then mentioned Ive a dog too to which the lady, who was in her later years said, 'bet you've got a big one'...seconds went by and I frankly replied 'no he's a...etc.etc...
But when I was replying she was a bit embarrassed.
I was once singing "Messiah" in a little church. Before the event, a dear, elderly lady gathered us all into the vestry, for a prayer.
"We pray especially for our Vicar, who will be playing on his organ tonight," she said. I caught the eye of one of my fellow tenors.
".. we know how much he enjoys it..!!"
Half the choir was creasing itself, trying not to burst out laughing.
As I recall, the vicar did very well on his organ, and the congregation enjoyed a reasonable rendition of one of Handel's finest
"We pray especially for our Vicar, who will be playing on his organ tonight,"
she said. I caught the eye of one of my fellow tenors. ".. we know how much he enjoys it..!!"
Half the choir was creasing itself, trying not to burst out laughing.
As I recall, the vicar did very well on his organ, and the congregation enjoyed a reasonable rendition of one of Handel's finest
Slim
Über Member
- Location
- Plough Lane
Not sure if this one's an urban myth but ....
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did
HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did
HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
Elmer Fudd
Miserable Old Bar Steward
- Location
- Durham, and I am the eejit
Not an urban myth, I've seen it on Tarrant or one of those type of progs.Slim said:
Tim Bennet.
Entirely Average Member
- Location
- S of Kendal
That's no urban myth - the footage often makes it onto the blooper shows.
I can't see them getting through this years's Autumn Watch on TV without adding to the 'out takes'. Coverage from Martin Mere narure reserve has got really very close to the obvious, but still entirely possible comment from Bill Oddie of 'Now let's take a close look at Kate's beaver'.
I can't see them getting through this years's Autumn Watch on TV without adding to the 'out takes'. Coverage from Martin Mere narure reserve has got really very close to the obvious, but still entirely possible comment from Bill Oddie of 'Now let's take a close look at Kate's beaver'.
