do you have people like this in your life?

[ttcycle]

I've got a close friend who always finds the exact right moment when I have the most pressure, the most going on and problems up to my neck - despite her knowing that's the case, where she lands her personal problems onto me disguised as a 'oh how are you email'. If i'm not able to respond or say what she wants she then gets defensive and pissed off. God it's exhausting on top of everything else going on in my life.

So tired of this.

Do you know people like this too? A little bit self absorbed but good otherwise?

 

[Globalti]

Insensitive is the word. Possibly even a little malicious?

 

[ttcycle]

sorry...rant rant rant rant rant!!

I will get it sorted and right this wrong I've apparently, make her feel alright-just don't need it now.
just think that emails sometimes widens the gaps for massive misunderstanding...I miss more traditional forms of communications sometimes.

 

[ttcycle]

Globalti - she can be insensitive and a little wrapped up in her own stuff. She often doesn't do it consciously- just learnt to do this. Which ain't great but aside from this she can be a fantastic and very supportive friend. i wish she she would just knock this on the head as it gives me and her other half such grief!

 

[beanzontoast]

I was relied on very heavily by one friend in particular some years back - really nice person but always having a personal crisis, contacted me at any time of night or day, but I kept finding time to talk, thinking that time invested in a friendship is never wasted.

However...

Since they changed partners a while back, I've heard hardly a word from them. Partly this is good because it means they've got their life sorted - I was hoping for something like a more normal level of contact - but partly it's a bit irksome to be virtually cut off and hear nothing. I felt quite used - like I'd served my purpose and that was that!

At the last promise of news from them, I just about ignored it - heard it several times before and it's never materialised!

 

[Crackle]

Not any more is the answer. Sometimes less is more and this applies to friends too.

 

[ttcycle]

beanz that's a shame- not really a friend but someone who sucks the life out of you anf gives very little back.

I don't think my friend is of the same category as that and to suggest otherwise would be very unfair of me- I think she's a gem and offers a lot to our friendship but just has a few things that she needs to get her head round.

 

[ttcycle]

Crackle - I know what you mean - I do a clearout every now and then- some people find it ruthless but there is no time to have sewers, drains, hanger-ons that aren't friends. Sometimes you learn this the hard way!

 

[TheDoctor]

Crackle - I know what you mean - I do a clearout every now and then- some people find it ruthless but there is no time to have sewers, drains, hanger-ons that aren't friends. Sometimes you learn this the hard way!

Some people just give you the needle, until you cotton on.

*gets coat*

*puts coat back*

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that other forms of interaction are more of a conversation - they say thier bit, you say yours, and so on. With emails (like forum posts) it's easy to put your bit down and fire it off. There's less percieved need to listen to the other person.

 

[Crackle]

Crackle - I know what you mean - I do a clearout every now and then- some people find it ruthless but there is no time to have sewers, drains, hanger-ons that aren't friends. Sometimes you learn this the hard way!

You do. You also find life moves on and some friends belong to certain phases of life. This is neither good nor bad, it just is.

 

[beanzontoast]

beanz that's a shame- not really a friend but someone who sucks the life out of you anf gives very little back.

I don't think my friend is of the same category as that and to suggest otherwise would be very unfair of me- I think she's a gem and offers a lot to our friendship but just has a few things that she needs to get her head round.

Yes - I knew it wasn't quite the same as your situation when I posted it. I bet she really values you being there.

In my case, if you'd told me my friend would have used me in the way they did, I'd never have believed it of them. Deep down, I reckon they're the same person, but for one reason or another they don't act like it any more.

 

[ttcycle]

Yeah I think it's a two way process and being aware of where you plug into stuff is very useful - I mean it takes two people to allow things to happen and we all have responsibility for the way things turn out.

Sounds sad though as I'm sure at one point this person was a good friend to you.

I've sent her the youtube vid from majormantra's post - it's amazingly funny and gets me every time - if you've not seen it yet please do!

 

[ttcycle]

Some people just give you the needle, until you cotton on.

*gets coat*

*puts coat back*

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that other forms of interaction are more of a conversation - they say thier bit, you say yours, and so on. With emails (like forum posts) it's easy to put your bit down and fire it off. There's less percieved need to listen to the other person.

i think that's very true, however there's a general communication issue anyway as this can sometimes happen with her in person but much more rarely. It's just something learnt to make people respond the way she wants them to-not healthy,not nice but there's been progress.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Do you know people like this too? A little bit self absorbed but good otherwise?

yep...well just the one.

 

[ttcycle]

yep...well just the one.

prey,do tell BOAB....