Don't they grow up quick nowadays?

[Tetedelacourse]

You had a white pouffe didn't you Dom that your lass embellished on? That'd be a no-no which isn't to do with safety.

I was busy telling Mrs T she'd taken a wrong turn whilst out driving on Saturday (a rare occurrence for her to drive instead of me, mainly because I moan at her the whole time), when my 3yrold piped up "Daddy, stop being horrible. Mummy, just ignore him". We laughed and then Mrs T began defending her choice of route to me. Again from the back "Mummy, no, I said ignore him - that means no talking to him".

Good stuff.

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

^^ Lol - we get that kind of thing a lot too.

 

[domtyler]

You had a white pouffe didn't you Dom that your lass embellished on? That'd be a no-no which isn't to do with safety.

I was busy telling Mrs T she'd taken a wrong turn whilst out driving on Saturday (a rare occurrence for her to drive instead of me, mainly because I moan at her the whole time), when my 3yrold piped up "Daddy, stop being horrible. Mummy, just ignore him". We laughed and then Mrs T began defending her choice of route to me. Again from the back "Mummy, no, I said ignore him - that means no talking to him".

Good stuff.

Well, it's a no-no for me or the missus to leave biro's hanging around. Matilda never got told off for that and she has actually just done it again anyway. In fact I can't think of her ever being told off or shouted at for doing anything apart from that which was putting her in danger. We also never call her naughty or use any other negative term, just praise her lots when she is good and that seems to be working.

I don't really care about the "stuff", it can all be replaced as and when necessary although obviously we can't let her go 'round drawing on other peoples stuff so I guess that is the point here, how to teach her about respect.

 

[Arch]

I don't really care about the "stuff", it can all be replaced as and when necessary although obviously we can't let her go 'round drawing on other peoples stuff so I guess that is the point here, how to teach her about respect.

Which was Gary's point, I think....

Well done you! You got it in the end!

<note: am practising all this positive praise stuff for Oli>

I can't help thinking, though, it's going to take longer for her to work out what's good and what's bad, when she only gets half the picture from you. I mean praise for good stuff is obviously right, but it's going to take a long time to work out the finer points of bad unless you tell her off when she does something wrong, surely? Isn't that the point of all this naughty step stuff, they have to sit out for a bit, then you explain what they did wrong and why you punished them? I realise I'm coming at this from merely the experience of having been a child myself, rather than having any myself.

I look forward to you telling us how calm you are and not bothered about stuff when she draws all over the telly in gloss paint though.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

If you don't tell her she's being bad when she is being bad, how is she supposed to learn?

When she starts hitting and pushing other kids for example (and she will), will you be one of those idiot parents who allows your kid to go unchallenged and then when she stops the hitting, praise her for ceasing the attack?

 

[Tetedelacourse]

cross-post with Arch, kind-of.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

For an example of such idiocy, take her to a softplay place and marvel at the lazy peanuts who would rather sit reading the sports pages than bother about their childrens' behaviour towards others.

 

[Fnaar]

For an example of such idiocy, take her to a softplay place and marvel at the lazy peanuts who would rather sit reading the sports pages than bother about their childrens' behaviour towards others.

Minor detour from the thread... (from personal experience)
...if you sit in the ball pool, make sure your cash and car keys are not going to fall out of your pocket... I found the keys eventually, but i was at least a tenner down!

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

Fnaar, that wasn't the ball pool... that was the kids pickpocketing you. S'taught in nursery now, I believe.

 

[domtyler]

If you don't tell her she's being bad when she is being bad, how is she supposed to learn?

When she starts hitting and pushing other kids for example (and she will), will you be one of those idiot parents who allows your kid to go unchallenged and then when she stops the hitting, praise her for ceasing the attack?

Definitely not, no. Maybe I was lying earlier because she has been told off before when she has smacked either myself or her mum. But I guess all this comes under the respect tag?

 

[ChrisKH]

Which was Gary's point, I think....

Well done you! You got it in the end!

<note: am practising all this positive praise stuff for Oli>

I can't help thinking, though, it's going to take longer for her to work out what's good and what's bad, when she only gets half the picture from you. I mean praise for good stuff is obviously right, but it's going to take a long time to work out the finer points of bad unless you tell her off when she does something wrong, surely? Isn't that the point of all this naughty step stuff, they have to sit out for a bit, then you explain what they did wrong and why you punished them? I realise I'm coming at this from merely the experience of having been a child myself, rather than having any myself.

I look forward to you telling us how calm you are and not bothered about stuff when she draws all over the telly in gloss paint though.

Obviously you have to tell children where they are going wrong, but there is a need to emphasise what they are doing good and to play down or ignore what they are doing bad. Take an attention seeking child for example; they can get your attention in a number of ways and, perverse though it may sound, if they get the biggest reaction when they are bad they can and will be bad. So yes, you need to identify and punish bad behaviour but you need to outweigh this with the response of being good. So when a child is good a mountain of praise will reinforce the practice of them being good. If a child is bad you tell them it is the wrong thing to do and as much as possible you want to ignore this behaviour or at least sideline the behaviour in favour of what good they have done. So with siblings you praise the good behaviour of one whilst ignoring the bad behaviour of the other. Evenutally they get the message. And it does work IMO. Yes there are times you want to let rip because they have just crayoned all over your new stone fireplace (been there) but you need to manage your reaction carefully otherwise your child will see themselves as being bad with all the negative associations and self-confidence issues this can raise.

A good example of where the above is absolutely essential is potty and toilet training. You don't want to have your child in nappies when they're still ten, so you praise them when they use the potty/toilet and ignore it when they soil themselves. Just ask them to use the toilet next time. Reinforce the positives and ignore the negatives. I am aware of several of my eight year old son's peers who are still wearing a nappy at night (even on Cub camp).

 

[Tetedelacourse]

<snip>

Reinforce the positives and ignore the negatives. I am aware of several of my eight year old son's peers who are still wearing a nappy at night (even on Cub camp).

should that have a hyphen in it?

 

[Arch]

Fnaar, that wasn't the ball pool... that was the kids pickpocketing you. S'taught in nursery now, I believe.

With Oli, it would be your mobile phone he'd have - fascinated by the things he is. It's very cute, give him one (keypad locked, of course!) and he'll sit there, turning it over in his hands, very carefully, and then gazing at it while he presses the keys with his thumbs. I could swear he was really texting...

In fact the way to get him in his pushchair when he doesn't want to go, is to give him a phone or something to distract him and then put him in while he's looking at it and get the straps done up quick. He falls for it every time, bless him and once he's strapped in, he's smart enough to know that's it and no point complaining.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

With Oli, it would be your mobile phone he'd have - fascinated by the things he is. It's very cute, give him one (keypad locked, of course!) and he'll sit there, turning it over in his hands, very carefully, and then gazing at it while he presses the keys with his thumbs. I could swear he was really texting...

In fact the way to get him in his pushchair when he doesn't want to go, is to give him a phone or something to distract him and then put him in while he's looking at it and get the straps done up quick. He falls for it every time, bless him and once he's strapped in, he's smart enough to know that's it and no point complaining.

The ratio at which children, specifically toddlers, are attracted to objects is inversely correlated with a) the object's status as a toy, and its monetary value.

I spent 10 minutes hunting for the landline (cordless!) phone yesterday and then later a further 5 hunting for the car key.

If you're interested, the former was of course under the video cabinet (had to phone it repeatedly and shuffle round the room) and the latter was in the letter box (Mrs T figured that one out).

 

[domtyler]

Why is it that you go out and spend god knows how much on the toys that they cling to with vice like grips all around the toy shop but then once you get home and put them on the floor they go straight for the scissors or knife that you've just used to remove the packaging?