Spinney
Bimbleur extraordinaire
- Location
- Back up north
You should not be doing this! It is completely unreasonable for her complaints to limit the way you use your own flat.
Downstairs neighbour. I am looking for advice
- Thread starter Saluki
- Start date
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You should not be doing this! It is completely unreasonable for her complaints to limit the way you use your own flat.
GrumpyGregry
Here for rides.
Go back to behaving perfectly normally. When she finally blows a fuse, as she inevitably will, and goes ballistic and threatens you, phone plod.
D
Deleted member 26715
Guest
I would go talk to your landlord, is it a housing association or a private landlord that you came to via the housing association? You may find that they have previous knowledge of her & pure speculation that the previous tenants moved out for similar reasons. Start pushing back & not just simply taking it, the way you have explained your life it is unreasonable.
Alan...
Alan...
Hacienda71
Mancunian in self imposed exile in leafy Cheshire
- Location
- Wilmslow, Cheshire
We no longer acknowledge the existence of our neighbours after a similar series of events. It ended up being what I consider to be rather unpleasant vicarious xenophobic bullying of my foreign wife.
If I knew how things were going to turn out I would have not tried to appease them. The complaints got worse the more we tried to be quiet. They complained my wife was vacuuming in the day time. At this point I realised I was dealing with a seriously neurotic individual via her rather weak partner. As a reasonable person you try to respond to a problem in a helpful way, sometimes it isn't the best way to go.
If it helps I spoke to the local authority environmental health department who were pleased we called and reassured us that we were doing nothing wrong and we spoke to our solicitors who were willing to apply for an injunction for harassment against them.
It caused my wife and I a huge amount of stress and upset.
Don't feel in the wrong and don't feel alone there are plenty of people who have gone through similar things.
If I knew how things were going to turn out I would have not tried to appease them. The complaints got worse the more we tried to be quiet. They complained my wife was vacuuming in the day time. At this point I realised I was dealing with a seriously neurotic individual via her rather weak partner. As a reasonable person you try to respond to a problem in a helpful way, sometimes it isn't the best way to go.
If it helps I spoke to the local authority environmental health department who were pleased we called and reassured us that we were doing nothing wrong and we spoke to our solicitors who were willing to apply for an injunction for harassment against them.
It caused my wife and I a huge amount of stress and upset.
Don't feel in the wrong and don't feel alone there are plenty of people who have gone through similar things.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
Sod her - it's time for you and Ken to really rock out and also do some energetic 'horizontal jogging'
akb
Veteran
- Location
- Potton, Bedfordshire
Sounds like she needs to move. Preferably somewhere with padded walls. And the supply of a straight jacket.
Globalti
Legendary Member
Go on Neighbours from Hell, it won't resolve the problem but at lest you'll know you're not alone.
Seriously, I have found that ignorance breeds fear, which exacerbates this kind of dispute. I would invite her up to share a bottle of wine - if she's a normal person, knowing you better might help her relax.
Seriously, I have found that ignorance breeds fear, which exacerbates this kind of dispute. I would invite her up to share a bottle of wine - if she's a normal person, knowing you better might help her relax.
fabregas485
Senior Member
- Location
- Harrow
Live your life in a normal manner, and tell her to speak to the council about the noise. They will most likely set up sound monitoring equipment and tell her she is hearing things .
Puddles
Do I need to get the spray plaster out?
- Location
- Hamble, Southampton
I have no advice but I can sympathise with the hearing things.
Long story short, Mum had budgies, one was given to her as a gift, the second flew into the garden and was only little and was being attacked by the wild birds...
Anyhoo at the weekend if it was sunny she would put them outside in the cage.
The neighbour said they were giving her headaches and a nervous breakdown as she could hear them so they could only be outside if she was out. (Mum used to ignore her, neighbour would put ghettto blaster in hedge budgies used to go mental thinking it was great)
Eventually the both birds died... Mum put the cage out on the patio to be sorted at the weekend when she was not working.
4 days later, neighbours husband knocked on door and said your budgies noise is driving my wife demented you have had them out their for days she is nearly having a breakdown because of their noise.
Mum told the man to come and look at the "budgies" he saw the empty cage and looked confused Mum then told him they had died 4 days previously and perhaps he might like to get his wife to the doctor as clearly she had something wrong with her.
Long story short, Mum had budgies, one was given to her as a gift, the second flew into the garden and was only little and was being attacked by the wild birds...
Anyhoo at the weekend if it was sunny she would put them outside in the cage.
The neighbour said they were giving her headaches and a nervous breakdown as she could hear them so they could only be outside if she was out. (Mum used to ignore her, neighbour would put ghettto blaster in hedge budgies used to go mental thinking it was great)
Eventually the both birds died... Mum put the cage out on the patio to be sorted at the weekend when she was not working.
4 days later, neighbours husband knocked on door and said your budgies noise is driving my wife demented you have had them out their for days she is nearly having a breakdown because of their noise.
Mum told the man to come and look at the "budgies" he saw the empty cage and looked confused Mum then told him they had died 4 days previously and perhaps he might like to get his wife to the doctor as clearly she had something wrong with her.
I like Skol
A Minging Manc...
- Location
- Sunny Ashton-under-Lyne
^^^^^^^ This is the answer.
I guess there's one on every street, There certainly is on my road and unfortunately I live opposite them/her! Over the years there have been complaints to me and most of the other neighbours about all kinds of things (including accusations of me 'stalking' her
which my wife reported to the police because she was really worried someone might take her seriously). No one really talks to them now except to be polite (I don't even do that anymore).As Profpointy suggests, I treat them as a natural occurrence. Recently I have built an extension and I just accepted that they would try to cause problems with the planning application and this was just an issue to be dealt with, just like the foundations were likely to fill with rain water (They did chuck a spanner in the works but thankfully managed to spectacularly shoot themselves in the foot in the process
) .Sometimes it is hard to work out, as on the face of it they are a 'normal' middle aged working couple with college aged kids. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) in your case Saluki it appears your neighbour is just plain BONKERS! At least the rest of the world will be able to see your plight and act appropriately. Just live your life normally and reasonably and wait for the men with the straitjacket to arrive and cart her off.
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swee'pea99
Squire
I agree with others - she may 'have issues', she may just be a nasty piece of work, but it doesn't really make any odds. Whether she's mad or bad, she's behaving unreasonably and ruining your lives. Don't let her. Just live your lives.
She's the one with the problem. It's her problem, don't make it yours. If she complains, tell her her complaints are unreasonable, and that's that. Don't apologise. Don't try to creep around her. Just live your life. What's she going to do? Scream & shout? Let her. When she finds it won't make any difference, chances are, she'll stop.
I have to say, she sounds to me like nothing more or less than a bully: an unhappy person who relieves her pain by shoving others around. Don't stand for it, and don't encourage it by rewarding it. Just live your life, and, if challenged, make it clear that that's all you're doing. And leave the ball in her court. Where it belongs.
Good luck.
She's the one with the problem. It's her problem, don't make it yours. If she complains, tell her her complaints are unreasonable, and that's that. Don't apologise. Don't try to creep around her. Just live your life. What's she going to do? Scream & shout? Let her. When she finds it won't make any difference, chances are, she'll stop.
I have to say, she sounds to me like nothing more or less than a bully: an unhappy person who relieves her pain by shoving others around. Don't stand for it, and don't encourage it by rewarding it. Just live your life, and, if challenged, make it clear that that's all you're doing. And leave the ball in her court. Where it belongs.
Good luck.
She obviously feels very unhappy about something in her life and you are the person she is unfortunately venting it out on.people dont just become like that over night something must have happened to her in the past to make her the way she is.
My advice would be to view her as you would a naughty child, do not give in or negotiate just carry on with youf life and be thankfull your not trapped in her mind.
Plus try to remember not to take it personally as she would carry on the same way wheather or not you were there.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
Keep an eye on the post as Ive sent you a big hug x
My advice would be to view her as you would a naughty child, do not give in or negotiate just carry on with youf life and be thankfull your not trapped in her mind.
Plus try to remember not to take it personally as she would carry on the same way wheather or not you were there.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
Keep an eye on the post as Ive sent you a big hug x
classic33
Leg End Member
How do you know its her ball in the first place. If it isn't she might complain about it being in her court!!
Give it to the Housing Association to sort out. Explain the situation to them, tell them it interferes with your right to a normal life (Check your tenancy agreement it may say something like this and forms part of the contract)
Then write to your neighbor with a copy to the HA, telling them that all complaints should be made through the HA.
I had a mentally ill neighbor, he'd make all sorts of allegations, including smashing his door in and saying it was me! The HA were not very helpful until I started legal proceedings against them, at which point they managed to find him more suitable accommodation and settled my claim out of court. But the damage was done, I no longer trusted them and shortly moved into the private sector even though that means a smaller flat in not such a good location at a higher rent.
I'm clear my problem was the HA not dealing with it rather than the guy's metal health troubles, it's disappointing to see some of the attitudes shown on here to someone who seems to be struggling with their own life.
I hope it gets resolved for you soon.
Then write to your neighbor with a copy to the HA, telling them that all complaints should be made through the HA.
I had a mentally ill neighbor, he'd make all sorts of allegations, including smashing his door in and saying it was me! The HA were not very helpful until I started legal proceedings against them, at which point they managed to find him more suitable accommodation and settled my claim out of court. But the damage was done, I no longer trusted them and shortly moved into the private sector even though that means a smaller flat in not such a good location at a higher rent.
I'm clear my problem was the HA not dealing with it rather than the guy's metal health troubles, it's disappointing to see some of the attitudes shown on here to someone who seems to be struggling with their own life.
I hope it gets resolved for you soon.
