Eating in desperation

[Twenty Inch]

After drinking on the beach all day in Spain my girl and I were invited back to the bar owner Rick's house for some grub and to carry on boozing. I made a sort of pasta carbonara out of some jamon and creme fraiche that I found in the fridge. While I was eating it I had a classic "Funny, don't remember putting that in" moment as I pushed a white mass off the plate.

Next day, curing our hangovers in the same bar, the owner's wife had a sour puss on her. I asked her what was wrong. "That ****ing Rick - he invited some drunks home last night and one of them cooked my kefir plant!"

I said nothing, but sipped my beer wisely and left as soon as convenient.

 

[Arch]

So I take it the legs in the jar good then......... Left any longer the pickle would have run off on it's own

OT a bit, did anyone see "Mock the Week" last night? The Pies with Legs bit had me laughing out loud...

 

[Elmer Fudd]

yeah, i found that v. funny too.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

OT a bit, did anyone see "Mock the Week" last night? The Pies with Legs bit had me laughing out loud...

that joke will run i reckon…

 

[ChrisKH]

Not quite the same league, but in a bayside restaurant in Acapulco I couldn't see anything I liked on the menu so opted for Octopus Pizza to show I could be adventurous.

BIG MISTAKE. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER.......etc. eat seafood pulled out of Acapulco Bay as it is the most polluted bit of beach and sea in the entire world. F$%& me I nearly died, everything was coming out everywhere (to put it politely) and they put me on a drip in the end. it was the most evil bit of food poisoning I have ever had and my surgeon believes it was the catalyst for me developing Inflammatory Bowel Disease (which I got several months later). I truly wish I had eaten chips off the pavement.

 

[ColinJ]

How about Drinking in desperation?

In 1989, when I was thinking of getting back into cycling, I hired a very cheap, heavy, nasty mountain bike to see how I got on... I set off to do a 35 mile ride over some big nasty Pennine hills on a blazing hot summer day. I'd obviously chosen the wrong bike and the wrong route for a sedentary office worker who was 4 stone overweight. I also didn't take any food and only 0.5 litres of water with me, which soon went. I wore a sleeveless vest and a pair of bermuda shorts. I have very sensitive skin, so of course - I hadn't put any sun cream on either... 5 hours of increasingly desperate sunburned grovelling later, I fell in through the doors of a country pub at about 15:30 to the alarm of 10 hardened drinkers knocking back their pints. "We're shut mate!" grinned the barman. "Er, I only want to refill my water bottle - I'll pay you for the water!" "We're bloody shut mate - clear off!" I couldn't believe how ignorant the bugger was ! I staggered back into the inferno outside, remounted and slowly weaved my way up a b*sta*d 18% climb, then (for some reason) I started to feel rather unwell. I don't remember much about what happened next, other than coming round with my face in what was left of a muddy puddle at the side of the road. I had a mouth full of silt so I'd obviously drunk the damn thing dry!

 

[palinurus]

I once tried to make a pizza, from scratch*, while so pissed I could hardly walk. Apparently it wasn't very nice. Its a bad idea to pay musicians with free beer. Especially if the gig is at lunchtime.

*The dough I had prepared earlier, knowing that I'd make pizza later

 

[Canrider]

Got one: as a skint university student I used to make a huge pot of spag bol sauce, freeze it in containers (margarine tubs) and then thaw and heat for tea. I used to put the margarine tubs straight in the microwave to speed up the thaw/heat process, and then refreeze what was left.

Apparently margarine tubs aren't microwave proof. There was an increasingly plasticky taste permeating each subsequently reheated serving of the sauce.

And I was desperate enough that I ate the whole thing.

 

[Globalti]

"my surgeon believes it was the catalyst for me developing Inflammatory Bowel Disease (which I got several months later)."

Oh bugger. I'm stuck in the Middle East right now with amoebic dysentery. The champagne cork is making my arse quite sore. I was reckless with a salad in Amman, where they water everything with sewage.

 

[asterix]

Was sailing off the West coast of Scotland when the fuel line to the diesel engine broke. Every scrap of food we ate for weeks tasted of diesel, even the tinned stuff Mind you, better than sewage from what I hear..

 

[stevenb]

I had some garlic mushrooms once at a 2 star hotel we were staying at with work (years ago)....the meal seemed fine....went out, had 4 drinks alco-pop drinks....then after we got back and started to watch tv mys stomach started to turn....I felt faint, broke out in a cold clammy sweat and what followed was approx 2 hours of fluids from each end.....my work colleague was sharing a room with me and I locked him out the bathroom, so he had to wake up the people in the next room to use their loo...

 

[Aperitif]

Going back to my late teens, I used to play a lot of cricket. Naturally hot, naturally tanked up at every opportunity, particularly as an impoverished student etc etc... Anyway, came home late with a massive hunger and popped one of those boil in the can ravioli 'meals' (hey! this was the 70's) into water, ignited the gas and waited for it to simmer for 15 miutes or something like that.

The next thing I heard was my Dad shouting "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING BOY?"

I had fallen into a beer assisted sleep in the dining room next door - probably immediately - and the water had boiled dry, the gas kept on cooking the contents of the pan, the can of ravioli (the nice square parcels with the pleated edges) had exploded and the parcels had embedded themselves in the kitchen ceiling! The saucepan buckled into a vague figure of eight shape and the cooker - well! It was a New World I think, and instead of a one piece pan rest, it had lengths of stainless steel rod spaced evenly into retaining channels - obviously these went everywhere but the hot ones from under the saucepan made their very own 'groove armada' - right across the then expensive Cushionfloor vinyl. Bit of a disaster really...don't eat much ravioli these days
I'd go nuts if anyone did that to my ceiling but, in all fairness to my Mum and Dad I don't remember them saying much about it...

 

[ChrisKH]

"my surgeon believes it was the catalyst for me developing Inflammatory Bowel Disease (which I got several months later)."

Oh bugger. I'm stuck in the Middle East right now with amoebic dysentery. The champagne cork is making my arse quite sore. I was reckless with a salad in Amman, where they water everything with sewage.

No I can guarantee RR, no one would like to do that now after a certain amount of modifying surgery with staples where the sun don't shine.............................

I was going to say I've had amoebic dysentry as well (I'm lucky that way) so i sympathise. The symptoms are very similar to IBD (except there's a lot of blood) so I suffered it for a three week trip to Oz culminating with me spending the 21 hours on a 747 in the toilet. Didn't dare tell the airline as they would have turfed me off at Bangkok or somewhere (I suppose in retrospect I was infectious, if someone hadn't washed their hands, etc.). I even got a visit from an Environmental Health Officer after two weeks in solitary confinement in Southend Hospital to ensure I wasn't eating raw sewage at home.

PS Caught the a.d. in Sydney as they had some sort of spiridium in the water (spell.?) and they were boiling all their water before use. But no one told me. I wondered why they left bottled water in the hotel toilet.

 

[ChrisKH]

Although I did have Oysters in Cairns but I'm fairly certain it all kicked off before that time.