farts

[goo_mason]

Farts are also a male thing aswell......women NEVER fart Although much to the disgust of Mrs Skud i have "trained" my 6 year daughter to waft !

I thought I could fart like a champion, but my 10yr-old daughter is unbelievable. She can let go a 6 or 7 second rip-roarer.

 

[ventoux50]

My mother in law could put any bloke to shame, she's really gifted in the lady trump department.

Mind you, it could be her cooking, once when I was helping out the pa in law, I was in the garage rafters moving boxes about for him..... there was only one ladder up into a confined space.
I'd gone up first and was stuck in the tightest space, with father in law behind me, blocking off any escape route !

Unbeknown to me he dropped a serious SBD and quickly exited leaving me to be assaulted by it as it crept nearer.

I have never smelled anything so bad, even rotting flesh is sweeter.

As I eventually descended with eyes watering and lungs bursting, I could hear guffaws from the kitchen, he'd taken great pleasure in telling everyone he'd ambushed me !

 

[goo_mason]

I get very, VERY flatulent & the smell becomes totally vile & suffocating after I've had 2 or 3 pints of beer. I love the beer, but for some reason it has this nasty side-effect now that I'm getting older. Post-divorce, when I started going out on dates and meeting up for drinks, it became a bit of a nightmare. Especially if you ended up in bed after being out in the pub first - holding it in and feeling like my stomach would explode was a bit of a distraction from the *ahem* matter at hand....

 

[ventoux50]

I get very, VERY flatulent & the smell becomes totally vile & suffocating after I've had 2 or 3 pints of beer. I love the beer, but for some reason it has this nasty side-effect now that I'm getting older. Post-divorce, when I started going out on dates and meeting up for drinks, it became a bit of a nightmare. Especially if you ended up in bed after being out in the pub first - holding it in and feeling like my stomach would explode was a bit of a distraction from the *ahem* matter at hand....

 

[skudupnorth]

I thought I could fart like a champion, but my 10yr-old daughter is unbelievable. She can let go a 6 or 7 second rip-roarer.

Now i can say i am not the only one training up the youngsters !!!

 

[Fnaar]

I am notoriously windy... it's a bit of a family legend really.

Mrs F is not amused, but I am

My dog has started letting rip from time to time, which just seems wrong. We had to put her out in the garden the other day, the smell was so bad.

When I was a student, me and a mate had a term-long farting competition, the aim being to get close to the other person and let rip, points being awarded for proximity. We had to invent the "cheek-flapping bonus" for the time when he was sat watching telly and i managed to fart right in his face.

 

[gary r]

My mate at school had a "Fart compilation tape" whenever he could he would record his fart onto a cassette tape,his ambition was to fill a C60 cassette with farts. as teenagers we used to fall about laughing,listening to his tape!!!

 

[Kirstie]

Fart fans need to play this game. Turn up the volume on your computer to 11.

My other half and I were recently at a festival and I was banned from having real ale and falafel in one sitting. We only have a small tent...

 

[Archie_tect]

Last Christmas, after the meal - Father + Mother-in-law, wife's brother, wife and 2 teenagers, our 2 children, wife's elderly aunt and my mum, wife and I -all sitting watching TV in the living room. I'd fallen asleep. Suddenly woke up with a start to find everyone absolutely helpless with laughing, tears in their eyes and rolling over, holding their sides....

I'd let one go and woken myself up with the noise like a startled rabbit. Still makes them laugh, but I don't understand, it's not funny at all....

 

[GM]

In our house we are all known to do one now and again, perhaps me (a lot) more than the others but our kitten is the champ she can clear the room.

 

[taxing]

My dog does farts that are really rich and heavy, like a dog food Christmas pudding. They hang in the air and they smell so vile. It's like swimming through rancid Chappie.

 

[AyrshireBacon]

Farts are also a male thing aswell......women NEVER fart

This is true, but only cos they can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up the required pressure.

 

[Hover Fly]

I used to work in a very small office with a 2 women corporals, if I left the room for any length of time there would be a vile stink when I got back.

 

[swee'pea99]

Fun for all the family.... http://www.misternicehands.com/

 

[goo_mason]

I was once working late at work with two other guys in the team. The place was dead, so I let rip with one I'd been fighting back for most of the afternoon. The two guys wet themselves laughing, and then pointed over my shoulder. I turned round and one of the girls in the dept was standing behind me, waiting to ask me a question...

You could have cooked your Sunday fry-up in my face!