Filthy jokes but with clean punchlines. Just post the punchline!

[PaulB]

"It sure keeps the flies off the melon!"

 

[jay clock]

"yes, I know, I saw Daddy holding on to them shouting "Jesus Christ, I'm coming""

 

[ComedyPilot]

You should have seen the first monkey trying to put the cork back in

 

[bleakanddivine]

But he thought I said " a twelve-inch pianist".

 

[Sam Kennedy]

You should have seen the first monkey trying to put the cork back in

Thats a good joke!

Heres mine:

"You haven't been saved yet either"

(Very Obscure, I know )

 

[philipbh]

Take your thumb off of the end

 

[bleakanddivine]

But his was lipstick, yours is gangrene.

 

[TVC]

Yes, but could you give me something that takes away the pain but leaves the swelling.

 

[philipbh]

Actually, I'm here to get my nails clipped

 

[bleakanddivine]

I don't know whether to go for the pink or the brown.

 

[PaulB]

"You didn't tell me she peeled the carrot first!"

 

[Brahan]

'You're going to vomit? That's what the last guy said.'

 

[Lisa21]

But then I think to myself "Steve...your a f***in VET"

 

[ChrisKH]

'A blow job? No, I couldn't find the head.'

I've done that one already.

 

[661-Pete]

"No, but it stops him rolling out of bed."