For the next half an hour please make an effort to be entertaining.

[PaulB]

A man says to a woman sat in a bar. 'I can tell you with total accuracy the exact day you were born.' She asks how he is to discern this. 'All you have to let me do is fondle your breasts.' he replies. Intrigued, she tells him to go ahead, so, not standing on ceremony, he gives them a good fondling. A RIGHT good fondling. 'So, do you know when I was born?' she asks. 'Yesterday.' he replies.

 

[PaulB]

Police looking for TV weatherman Fred Talbot, in relation to alleged sex offences fear he's jumped the country.

 

[Archie_tect]

After a long, tedious afternoon playing Monopoly with the oldies, Master A_T started looking intently on the floor around his feet for something.
A minute or so later our elderly aunt couldn't resist asking Master A_T what he'd lost... to which he replied, "The will to live".

 

[snorri]

Where's tyred when you need him? Probably having to polish his shoes again before he can perform.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Well I'm back at the garage today, I'll let you know when

 

[colly]

Another episode then ...........................Well it has to be more engaging than Eastenders. At least you aren't there half a dozen times a week.

 

[tyred]

I will keep you entertained by reciting Shakespeare's 19th Sonnet backwards whilst trackstanding my fixed wheel bike and juggling oranges.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I'm here now, with a shoddy back box...

 

[Cheddar George]

I'm here now, with a shoddy back box...

You toss them up and Fnaar will knock 'em out the park.