Friday joke inside

betty swollocks

large member
Bloke about to be married decides to give a his wife a very special present for their wedding night and decides to have her name, Wendy, tattooed on his willy.
Goes along to the tattoo parlour, where the tattooist explains that her full name will only be visible when the willy is in its tumescent state, otherwise only the W and the Y, will be visible.
He has it done.
They go on their honeymoon to North Wales and while out on a day trip to Anglesey, the bloke goes a public loo. While standing at the urinal, he, glances across and down (as you do) at the fellow standing next to him and sees to his amazement a W and Y on the other's member.
"Ah, so your wife's name is Wendy too is it?"
"No: I'm a tour guide round these here. It says - ' Welcome to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, have a nice day.'
 

Moodyman

Guru
Patient: Doctor, I'm here for my liver.

Doctor: Sorry, I don't have it.

_________________________________

Young husband: It must be time to get up.

Young wife: Why?

Young husband: The baby's finally asleep.

__________________________________________________

Fact: nobody ever knows of a famous poet's existence until he's dead
 

dave r

Dunking Diddy Dave Pedalling Pensioner
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on. That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room. Camilla flopped on the bed and said 'Please remove my shoes darling, ones feet are killing one.' Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour But it would not budge. 'Harder' yelled Camilla.
'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got ' she cried. Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed 'Oh God, that feels so good.' In their bedroom next door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said 'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!' Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out 'Oh god, darling this ones even tighter'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen: 'That's my boy, Once a Navy man, always a navy man!
 

dave r

Dunking Diddy Dave Pedalling Pensioner
Birthday Bike

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bike!
 
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