Heres a not work safe christmassy one for you,
The night before Xmas and throughout the house,
We were all ****ed, even the mouse.
Dad at the brothel, Mum with uncle frank
I'd settled down for a nice slow fiddle.
Outside the house I heard a right clatter,
I let go of my cock to see what was the matter.
Out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
And I knew right away it was old St Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
The big fat ****er, I think he fell.
He filled our stockings with sweets and beer,
And a big rubber cock for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
The big fat **** blew the house apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
Shouting I'll be back next year, Have a hell of a night.