Friday joke....

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fuzzy290

Active Member
Location
Taunton
Last week, one of the presenters on Children in Need said, "Pick up your phone and pledge."

I'm was sitting there, with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what I'm supposed to do next! :becool:
 

NormanD

Lunatic Asylum Escapee
A husband persuades his wife to try anal sex for the first time...he said, 'Dont worry, if it's going to hurt you too much, you shout a out a safety word and I'll stop' "OK" the wife agreed and asked what the safety word was ?

he replied ' llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwy rndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'

I'll get me coat!
 

rusky

CC Addict
Location
Hove
The Policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the drivers window: "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?"

The driver jumped out and ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan. The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman took a sympathetic view

"Don't take it so hard, it's not all that serious an offence..."

"Isn't it" the driver cried, "Where's my caravan gone?"
 

Speicher

Vice Admiral
Moderator
A man went to the Doctor with a steering wheel in his underpants. When the Doctor asked him why the steering wheel was there, he replied
"It's driving me nuts."

Please note this is the clean version. :rolleyes:
 
OP
OP
fuzzy290

fuzzy290

Active Member
Location
Taunton
Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

Teacher: Where the f**k do you get seven from?!?!?

Johnny: Because I have 1 at home!!!
 
D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
Heres a not work safe christmassy one for you,

The night before Xmas and throughout the house,
We were all ****ed, even the mouse.


Dad at the brothel, Mum with uncle frank
I'd settled down for a nice slow fiddle.


Outside the house I heard a right clatter,
I let go of my cock to see what was the matter.


Out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
And I knew right away it was old St Nick.


He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
The big fat ****er, I think he fell.


He filled our stockings with sweets and beer,
And a big rubber cock for my brother the queer.


He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
The big fat **** blew the house apart.


He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
Shouting I'll be back next year, Have a hell of a night.
 
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