Good evening. This is Burnham E-mail No. 5 (the other four are below…)
We’re now about 78 strong, so please get to Hyde Park Corner no later than 23.35 and get yourself checked in as soon as you arrive. If you’re going to be late, text me on 07776 210 731. Please put your name in the text (that does sound obvious, doesn’t it…....).
Please listen to and take part in the safety talk. The safety talk will take you through the procedure for the Rotherhithe Tunnel. Please note that fixed wheel riders will go through the tunnel at the back of the ride with the Tail End Charlies. If you have a puncture or a mechanical in the tunnel, just go to the side of the road, get on to the footpath and start walking. The Tail End Charlies will do their best to help. If you are not a Tail End Charlie please do not stop in the tunnel to help – not even if it’s your best friend or your mum. Just ride on and wait at the northern end with the rest of us.
We did the tunnel again last night. It’s easy-peasy, but please note……..as you leave the tunnel someone will direct you in to a small road to your left. Take that left turn and go to the end of the road. Please don’t turn left and block the turn because seventy seven other people will want to get in to the same small road to let cars pass us by.
We go down the A13 for a small stretch. Wayfinders will direct you through the A102 junction, and then we get off the main road at the first opportunity after. As we descend down a ramp you will have to watch out for a hole in the road the size of Switzerland. Which, by the way, is no reflection on Switzerland. It is mahoosive. (The hole, that is, not Switzerland). If any of our smaller members were to fall in we’d have to throw down a ladder. Listen for anguished cries of ‘HOLE’
Which brings me to ‘BOLLARDS’. We all laugh at this one, but the idea is that you don’t crack your knee open on a lump of wood or concrete, so, when you see a bollard, let both your joy and your lungs be unrestrained, thus ensuring that the person behind you doesn’t impale themselves on a bit of municipal hardware.
It’s only 22 miles to Junction 31 Services. The loos are beyond number, you can bring the bikes inside, but the queue for coffee will require patience – the more adventurous will go across to the petrol station and get themselves a Costa. Bring sandwiches or flapjacks, and remember that….
The second ‘half’ of the ride is 35 miles, so do think about bringing something to drink and a snack. One or two people are worried about The Hill. Don’t be concerned. Just change right down and take your time. The view to the left is worth a photograph, but please don’t stop without warning those behind you.
The Cabin Dairy Café in Burnham is not big, but they always do us proud. We are going to overwhelm them a bit, so do please be patient.
Check your brakes, your tyres, your spokes and your lights. Bring a spare inner tube or two and spare batteries for your lights. Parts of the ride are very dark, but most of it is in streetlights – so you might want two front lights – one big beamer and one small flasher. If your rear lights (we recommend two) are very bright, angle them down or put a clear plastic bag over them. When you’re riding, leave some space between you and the person in front. If you overtake on the left hand side you will be destroyed by a death ray.
Remember – this is a group ride. Some of us are superquick and some of us are superslow. The superquickies should use the time they spend waiting to hone their social skills (‘your gear ratios are admirable’ is always a good opener) or, if they feel up to it, do a bit of Wayfinding. We do spend long periods on straight roads, turning neither left nor right, but I will need help at junctions, particularly in Barking, Basildon and the roads in to Burnham, so offers of assistance are always welcome. Wayfinding in pairs is fine. If you don’t fancy standing by the road waving your arms at people then do drop off the front of the ride a ways. And remember – if you are Wayfinding you have to stick with it until the ‘All-Up Woman’ tells you that you can move on.
The Norwegians are forecasting a dry night with a tailwind. What do they know, anyway?
See you on the night
Simon
) all the way to the T-junction, nojokes) in to Burnham at 5.35.
