Friday's quickies.

[Cubist]

Woman walked up to the bar and ordered a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

 

[ACS]

My mum is a lolly-pop lady

Long thin body with a big orange head

 

[PaulB]

I was watching that new host on Countdown yesterday and I got aroused. Not bad, eh? Seven letters.

 

[Cubist]

When my wife reached 40 she made a resolution to walk at least 3 miles a day. I lost track of her in March 2007.

 

[PaulB]

The film industry is just like Anne Robinson..always on the lookout for a new face.

 

[Cubist]

Van Gogh sat in the pub. His mate comes in and says "Vincent, do you want a pint?"

"No thanks " he said "I've got one 'ere"

 

[Cubist]

Why can't hedgehogs just share the hedge?

 

[Cubist]

Little lad runs up to a copper and says "I can't find my mum."

Copper says "What's your mum like?"

"Err, bingo and shagging,"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Went out with a girl who had lovely long hair all down her back - none on her head though..


apologies to Tommy Cooper

 

[Dayvo]

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!

Tommy Cooper again.

 

[Speicher]

I have lost six pounds this week, I must be more careful how I spend my money.

 

[PaulB]

Blind man walks into a shop and starts swinging his guide dog around by his lead. The assistant says, "Can I help you, sir?" and the blind man says "No thanks, I'm just looking around."

 

[threebikesmcginty]

She was the flabbiest stripper I've ever seen. When she ran off the stage she started her own applause.



Les

 

[Dayvo]

Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

 

[ACS]

2 cannibals’ eating a clown and one says “Does this taste funny to you?”