Friday's quickies.

[Dayvo]

A bloke goes into a chemists and buys 50 jars of vaseline.

The girl says 'That's a lot of vaseline!'

The bloke says 'Yes, it's for my chaps.'

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Tampax are doing tampons with tinsel on for the Christmas period

 

[Dayvo]

I write childrens' books... Not intentionally.

 

[postman]

Doc told me to cycle 20 miles a day for a week to lose weight.

"And make an appointment for next week"

On the Friday i rang back.

"I cannot make the appointment"

"Why not " asked the Doc?

"I'm in Edinburgh ".

 

[Brains]

How to make a cat go "woof"

Pour petrol over it, light and retire to a safe distance.

 

[longers]

Two snowmen in a garden. One says to the other "can you smell carrots?"

 

[Speicher]

A man went to market to try and sell two salmon. He came home with three fish, two salmon and one smelt.

 

[Mr Pig]

Why do ballerinas wear tights?

So they can do the splits without sticking to the floor.

 

[Speicher]

I have a very clever horse, he thinks he is a blacksmith. I went into his stable yesterday, and he made a bolt for the door.

 

[PaulB]

Why do ballerinas wear tights?

So they can do the splits without sticking to the floor.

 

[TVC]

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Lobster

 

[Cubist]

Two cannibals eating Bernard Manning
The other says "No, it doesn't taste funny to me..."

 

[swee'pea99]

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?






One. And that's NOT funny.

 

[Keith Oates]

I've been unlucky in marriage, the first wife died and the second one won't. (Curtesy of Jethro)

 

[graham56]

Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your jeans?

Your Gran